Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Today is my day off, and as I have been working over the school holidays, I have decided that whilst Ayisha goes to daycare to farewell her Bestest friend in the whole world ( she calls him her man).. lol... I am going to have mother son time, and take Montel to see the Chipmunks Movie and possibly go to sizzler.. He has already asked me if we can take the young boy next door, I asked him if it's not cool for him to come out with mama.. he said it is, but he just wants a friend to come.. But to be honest, the problem with that is, I just cant afford to be taking the neighborhood kids.. and I cant very well say to their mum, "Oh we are going to lunch and the movies, your son can come if you pay for him".. I think I would look very rude and uncooth.. lol... But things these days arent cheap, and I'm not living on top of a pot of gold..
What is everyones plan for New Years Eve? We have a friend with an apartment in the city, with very good views of where the fireworks will be, so we will be taking up the invite to go and hang there for the night.. I wanted to rent a room in the city, have a nice romantic night and all, but when I mentioned this to hubby some 2 months ago, he said we should put the money towards other things, so I got myself all pissed off, and didnt book it, then lastnight we were driving along, and he had the hide to ask which hotel it was that we were staying in for New Year... I SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE PUNCHED HIM!!!
Anyway, whatever it is that you all do for New Year, I wish you love and safety.. I thank you all for following my blog, and your support throughout my first 11 months of being banded. I also thank those of you who do blog, and have shared your life with me and many others, it makes the "journey" ( I dont like to use that term though) so much easier.. I cant imagine not having anyone to vent with and share ideas.. You all are wonderful..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Lots of Love
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Boxing Day.. another nice day, we drove up to Woodford (to check out all the hippies, venturing on to the Woodford Folk Festival, as we do most boxing days) and stopped at a park to have some hot chips for a snack.. I had only a few before getting stuck, so I got up and walked Ayisha over to have a squat & pee under a tree.. By the time I got back to my seat, we had a little visitor..and I know it wasnt there when I was sitting there, because I had dusted the seat off before sitting at the table... The visitor was the most adorable little Green Tree Frog.. all shiny and pulsating.. sitting happily on the bench next to hubby.. Luckily I had the camera in the car so I set to work taking the little stars piccies.. Soo cute..
Then for our boxing day dinner, we drove into the city (west end) to our favourite Indonesian restaurant and got take away, this time my parents were following, and tried out fave food too.. We picked the food up and drove over to Kangaroo Point (City Look Out).. we were lucky enough to find a park and a table to sit at.. It was so beautiful to overlook the city whilst eating dinner.. So it was a superb Boxing Day too...
Now to explain my heading "Full but not satisfied" to you.. today, I have been picking at foods all day.. I am full, but dont feel satisfied with what I have eaten.. Almost like I would try to eat something else as full as I feel, just because I was that flavour in my mouth, or want to chew something of that consistancy... All day long, I have been grazing on bad bad bad foods.. 2 small bowls of ice cream, a packet of Salt & Vinegar chips, a few random snack size chocolates left over from a gift box of cadbury celebrations... an oven baked dinner roll that I PB'd on.. a small bowl of Cheerios cereal... none of it has hit the spot for me.. I am at the point that I feel so full that I physically couldnt eat another thing, but I WANT something else, dont know if it's salty or sweet, hot or cold...... I do know one thing is for sure.. I am getting tightened up as soon as I can in the first week of New Year.. Time to get serious..
My weightloss has gone to hell in a handbasket, and I must do something about it. Exercise is a must, or I will forever have these tuckshop lady arms, and inner thighs that look like a tub of melting lard..Oh, and just when I didnt think my titties could shrink any more... blow me down, they have.. I wouldnt mind having tiny perky titties if I had the body to match, but not these that looked like a sucked mango seed thats been hung to dry in a sock.. TRAGIC.
Anyway.. I've got to get ready for work.. dammit.. watch the news to see if I dont get arrested for throttling our sunday staff member.. Ohh it's a long story... and one that would almost be worth getting arrested for.. Long story... must think happy thoughts...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Heck, I used to dive under the sheets, and cover my head and hands over my ears coz I didnt want to see or hear the big chubby man in the red suit... Hell no, he could just leave his goodies for me under the tree and ride his reindeer right on out of there, as far as I was concerned.. I was a real scaredy cat..
Back to the story... this year, as in previous years, I will no doubt have to wake my two little angels up, and race them out to the tree, where they will be greeted with the biggest mountain of presents... Silly me, thought it would be better to get the gifts bought early this year before the last minute rush... Ha!! what a load of rubbish that turned out to be.. I started months ago, and have kept friggin buying.. right up until yesterday.. and that was all because I did a count of how many presents each child had..and shit shit shit... Montel had more than Ayisha.. a whole 7 more..Sooo, of I went, back to the shops to even the tally.. Ayisha is 2 down on Montel, but I am quite honestly over the whole christmas rush at the shops.. I thought that at this time of year, people would be friendly and smiling, etc... Well not in my neck of the woods... these people have turned into the most miserable mongrels around.. Trolley rage, road rage, car park rage, check out que rage... A whole lotta angry people, and for what?!?!?! All in all, I have spent an absolute fortune, but it will all be worth it to see the smiles on my childrens faces..
Remembering back to christmases of my childhood, I remember waking up at the crack of a sparrows fart, and waiting and counting the minutes before we could wake mum and dad to be able to open our presents. One very memorable present was a newborn baby doll that had a penis.. I reckon I studied that dolls anatomy for the whole of the christmas holidays.. (for my US friends and followers, we get 6 weeks off school over the christmas)..Perhaps thats where my fascination for those things started.. LMAO... Another fantastic memorable present was my JEM doll.. She was the rockstar barbie style doll with flashing light earrings.. She had pink hair.. and she was hot... I would quite often grab the can of my sisters hairspray and sing into it... my sister who is 2 years older than me, used to use alot of hairspray because she would tease her fringe and style it like a wave across the front of her head... I was so envious of how it looked, and I could never get mine as good as hers.. Sooo, back to christmas...
My sister, myself, and our friends in our street (lots of kids of random ages) used to go round and sing carols on peoples front lawns.. I think we had more people shoo us away than listen to us.. so later on we would go and rock their roof (i.e. throw rocks in their roof)... so naughty.. lol.. wonder if thats why there's so many grumpy bastards at the shops these days.. they being kept awake from their roof being rocked... LOL
Mum and dad used to always put on a nice big BBQ, and mums twin brother used to come with his wife and kids.. presents would be exchanged, uncle Michael would raid the Chocolate and Lolly Dish, and we would try to look greatfull and happy with the crap that they bought for us.. My nan would be there, eating up all the meat, and watching everyone like a hawk to make sure they didnt eat what she was eyeing off.... Mum getting tipsy, swirling around her glass of wine, occasionally letting some spill, Dad, also getting tipsy, sitting there giggling, and nudging mum for no apparent reason.. LMAO.. they were both not big drinkers, so to see them getting tipsy was hilarious, although not at the time.. My sister and I would get angry at them for drinking.. god knows why..
I love the fact that you can wake on christmas morning, and eat a chocolate or a candy cane, and it's OK, because it's christmas.. Guzzle down soft drink all day, why not it's Christmas... graze on non-nutritious food all day long... it's alright, coz the chubby man was here the night before..
I think this year, I'm gonna have to tell the kids that Santa is on a diet.. he just doesnt eat as much as he used to, so when they leave him something out, they should be mindfull of that.. perhaps a vodka and a few cashews..
I have just realised that this post is all over the place, as I have been spilling it out in between customers. Oh well it just shows you a little something different.
So this Christmas, after I wake my babies.. open presents, I will be left to tidy up the paper, whilst hubby puts in batteries and reads instructions... then we are having some friends over for a BBQ breakfast.. then hopefully get a little rest time before going to my parents in the afternoon for a christmas dinner of assorted roasted meats, salads, veges, deserts etc.. only now that I am older, I will be getting tipsy too... lol.. and that doesnt take much. I know I will be a little frustrated that I wont be able to get into alot of the fun foods that represent a christmas feast day for me, but I will be greatfull that it means I wont have gained a size over that period too..
Another thought I will leave you with.. right now, I am loving life.. Things in my relationship with my husband are amazingly good.. I dont think I have been this happy in years... I dont think it is the fact that I have lost weight and looking better, I think it is more like .. I am easier to live with, look at life more positively etc... I am even communicating better with him.. which is a big thing for me, after so many years of biting my tongue... I love this band, I love what it has done for me so far.. although in 2010, i am going to kick my own ass into gear and up the anti on my weight loss.. 5 months of my gym membership has just worn away.... time to use it and shine in 2010..
Love you all, and the support you give..
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas
Lots of love
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I read Amy's blog this morning and was inspired to address the same subject on my blog today. It's all about habbits and secret self sabotage , pre band.. Like Amy, I too used to drive from Take Away joint to another.. I would stop at Mcdonalds because the kids wanted a happy meal.. There I would get them what they wanted, and get myself a quarter pounder meal, scoff it down before passing the KFC on the way home, and pull in to buy a Twister meal ( foolishly lying to myself that it was the healthy option because it had lettuce and tomato in a wrap) I would then arrive home and sit to eat that second meal with hubby, as if the Mcdonalds one never existed.. Or Subway, once one of my biggest addictions.. When I told my surgeon on my first appointment that I could eat 2 x 12 inch subs he was amazed.. Yes, I would order 2 identicle footlong subs, but then ask for different sauce on one of them to act like one of them was for someone else. I would pull over on the way home and scoff one down before reaching home to sit with the family for our Subway meal. My husband never realised just how much I was eating.. I hid so many pig outs from him. So he thought my weight gain was just from not exercising..
I'm not sure if i have mentioned in my blog about the time that I woke in the night to go and pee (being so overweight meant frequent nightly visits to the toilet), but I was halfway off the bed and collapsed, unable to move because my sciatica (back pain) was ceased. I was in excruciating pain, and was desperate to go to the toilet. The only thing to do was for my husband to call my mum, and then she called the ambulance.. Well once the ambulance arrived, they gave me some pain relief and tried to move me.. with no success, they called for the fire brigade to help them lift me.. I mean I wasnt even at my heaviest by this stage (maybe about 130kgs).. I was mortified that the fire brigade arrived with their lights flashing in the middle of the night, all my neighbors were out front, thinking that there had been some serious problem at my house, only for them to see me being carried out on a stretcher by 6 fucking unfit weakling men.. Hey, I respect the services, but for it to take 6 big men in their line of work to carry me out, is pathetic, and Oh so humiliating.
I was then transported to the hospital, put in a bed in emergency ward, and still busting so badly to pee. I told the nurses that I needed to, and nothing was done.. The later on, mum called to check on me, and asked if i had been able to releive myself, the bitch nurse had the hide to say to my mum that I am too big to be rolled over and put a bedpan under me.. My mum exploded and told her she would take it much further if I wasnt dealth with.
To cut a long story short, I was eventually able to wee, and discharged from hospital in the morning. I found a fantastic physiotherapist, who got me out of pain, and I have never looked back.. Apart from the mortifying turn of events that it took to get me to the hospital. Thats one of my stories from being stupidly overweight. Thankfully the night time pee breaks have stopped.
I am also now trying to work on the confidence thing, so that instead of when someone says "Hey Jennene, you look really good" , I usually say something like "I still got a long way to go"... now I just say "Thank you" .. and take the compliment for what it was. I mean, I know that I still do have a long way to go, but I dont need to highlight the fact, and should just feel good that the person noticed my progress. I guess its all about positivity..
Anyway, once again I best be getting up out the chair and do some work.. Fridges to stock, stinky customers to serve (the summer makes their body odour worse)...oh the joys...
Monday, December 14, 2009
I remember when I was laying on the bed in theatre about to be put under anesthetic, and hoping that I could get down to 100kg by Christmas.. I know that isn't going to happen, but heck, I am not too far from it, so I am quite happy about it. Because throughout this whole time I have had the band, I haven't struggled to "change my lifestyle" or lived like I am still strictly dieting. I have enjoyed life. And I do suppose if I had stuck to my dietitians orders of what to eat (protein first and so forth) I would have done better with the loss. But I will mention once again, this isn't a race, and I have the rest of my life to get down to goal. ( A life that will be much longer now that I have shed some serious lard).. However in saying that i think I would be pretty pissed if I get to the end of next year and I am still no closer to goal..
What is my goal??? Hmmm to be honest, I don't really know. When organizing surgery with my doctor, he said I should concentrate on getting down to around 85kg.. However my "textbook goal" is actually 75kg.. I mean come on... I would looking bloody ridiculous at 75kg I'm sure. I would look like a bean pole.
So really, my goal is more clothing oriented. I will be happy to get down to a size 12 ( just did conversion, which is a US sz 8).. And as for the BMI stuff.. I don't care much for that.. I never really understood it, apart from the fact that I was on the dangerous end of that number scale.
I have gone from morbidly obese to now just being at obese (Whoopdee farkin doo) that doesn't mean shit to me.. I don't need that BMI thing pulling my spirits down. Enough said.. lol
Yesterday we drove down to the Gold Coast and went to the Cararra Markets.. and I bought myself a new bra.. It shocked me for a number of reasons.. #1. it was a sz 16c (38c) #2. it was only $6 #3. It fits so good that it doesn't irritate my band site when I sit down for a meal.. I wish I had have bought more.
Another thing, although it was a stinkin hot 36 degrees (96.8F) whilst we were at the markets , I still powered on, yes it was hot, but it didnt get to me.. I wasn't puffing and panting and sweating like a dog. Perhaps one day I will be one of those skinny people that sing from the rooftops how much they LOVE summer... ummm don't know if I could ever go that far.. but i will say it is becoming more bearable.
Band news... this thing is so freaking unpredictable. One day, it is so tight that i have a hard time getting my thick shake down (naughty naughty I know).. I even PB'd it up. Then the next day, I am able to eat a 6 inch subway sub.. I mean WTF!?!?! I will say however that I got the sub double toasted so it was much dryer, so it was easier to crunch on. It took me about 30 minutes to eat too..and it was so damn good. Then again the next day, I go to have a piece of multi grain toast (well toasted) and after one bite, it gets stuck... drives me bonkers. I was tempted to get a tiny bit of fill taken out for xmas, but I'm not now. I just hope that my band is being friendly on xmas day. If not, then it will teach me a lesson not to be a guts... lol
Anyway, I best get my ass out of the seat and find myself some breakfast before the kids wake up and swing into action for the day..
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I was also talking with a fellow bandster (One of my blog followers, whom I was lucky enough to have met) and we were talking about the issue of wondering when enough is enough in regards to once having lost the weight, will we be truely happy in our own skins, or be on the look out for something more we can do to "fix" ourselves. Now, from what i see, Tammy ( this fellow bandster) looks fantastic from my eyes, but she feels that things could be better here or there.. I know we are most critical of ourselves, and tend to find imperfections in ourselves that dont even appear to others.. I wish I could just spend one day loving myself without flaws.. I doubt this will ever happen, and just need to learn to embrace what I have and learn to love it. Easier said than done.. enough of the negative stuff..
On a more positive note.. I have had comments lately that I have gained myself a bum/bottom.. Now usually people would be offended to hear such a comment.. LOL.. but not me.. You see, I have had such a big block ass for as long as I can remember, so to finally have the shape of something that resembles a normal backside is a little exciting.. I'll have to get someone to snap a rear ended pic of me, so i can see it properly for myself. I tried backing myself up to the mirror, but it doesnt quite work.
Another thing.. yesterday my band was really very restrictive, but today I have done nothing but eat.. I guess it also depends on what is being eaten, and the fact that I have been having water crackers with mashed banana wouldnt help keep me full for long.. Thats the one thing about this job that sucks.. I cant sit for a meal without being disturbed.
Oh well, I best be getting back to work, I keep losing my train of thought when I have to get up to serve just when i get an idea of something to tell you all.
Oh, just remembered.. I also have been feeling really crappy lately, mainly at night.. Nausea, a little hot and flushy, dry in the mouth... and very tired... I wonder if I need my iron levels tested.. or if I should take a vitamin, I mean, I couldnt be preggas, I'm on the pill.. could it be early menopause??? hope not.. any ideas?? anyone else feel this way??
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Ohh lordy, just had a quick break in blogging.. my daughter decided to get into my nail polish and do her own..I did a quick clean up and looks like she will be attending daycare today with very funky looking legs, toes and hands.. Oh, just when do the terrible 2's stop.. she's already freakin 4... *take a deep breath* ...
I am trying not to let myself have that rotten "want to kill everyone" week, that seems to be making its presence in my life the week before my period..So I will keep the deep relaxing breaths coming..lol
Today I am off to Crossroads for their members 40% off storewide sale. (www.crossroads.com.au here's the website for those non-aussies :) ) I am looking to buy me some new pants/trousers and some tops.. as I seem to have filled my wardrobe with dresses over the last couple of months. I just hope I find what I am after, as its always the way when I am after something, I can never find it, but when I am down and out, and cant afford it, I find everything I could ever want. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I seem to have pretty good restriction, BUT I just want to eat all the time.. even when I am full..I just want the taste in my mouth. Is this normal?? I think it might have something to do with the fact that I really dont get much chance to sit down and concentrate on having a meal at a meal time, because of my restriction in the morning, then being at work and serving at lunch time, and then getting everything organized at home in the evening.. So I just graze all day. I really gotta get my act together..
Anyway, I best get to styling up, so I can hit the shops..And I just want to thank AMY for her excellent post today. You truely are wonderful.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
9 Months & 26 days
2. What was your highest pre-band weight and current weight now?
My heighest pre-band weight was 146.6kg (323lb)
My weight now is 109.9kg (242lb)
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get your protein?
Cashews, Cheese ... ummm is peanut butter counted as protein.??
4. What is your favourite protein brand/shake?
They are all disgusting... yuk yuk yuk.. However the one I had prior to banding was the optifast strawberry, blended with heaps of ice to almost make it eatable with a spoon..
5. What food do you miss the most, now being post band?
I miss being able to tuck into a big juicy burger (with the bun), I miss jam & cream donuts, and the list could go on.. but in saying that, I certainly dont go without.
6. What is your favourite mushy food?
Taco mince with mashed sweet potato..
7. What was your worst PB experience?
Ohhh, I have had more than I care to remember. Boiled Egg is a bad one to PB on. The hardest was to try to PB into an empty take away outlet bag whilst hubby and kids are in the car. (I am very private about PBing) so it was horrible.
8. What has been the hardest part about this journey so far for you?
Not being able to drink as much as I want when I am thirsty after a meal, and also of late, not being able to consume as many alcoholic beverages as I would like to because of the carbonation filling me up too quick. Other than those, it's not really that hard. The PB's and stuckages get a bit annoying, but it's a wake up call.
9. What is your best NSV to date?
umm, what is NSV?? I will come back to this..if someone can explain what it is..
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band?
To be able to go into any shop that I want and buy and fit into what ever I want. I have full confidence in my looks and figure, and about my life (long story)...
11. What is your goal weight or size?
I think my person goal is to get to 80kgs. I am quite tall, and feel that this weight would be ok with me. It might be a little over my recommended weight, but I'm doing this for me, not the text books. I can have myself a bit of booty and curves if I so wish..
12. What band rule do you live by?
I dont really drink with meals (it only causes a PB anyway) But ruloes are made to be broken. :)
13. What band rule to you not follow as much?
The no snacking rule and the no carbonated/ soft drinks rule, ohh and the protein first rule..
14. What is your goal reward?
An overseas trip (not sure where to, or who with, but I'm doing this for me)
15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (U.S) , what are you most thankful for, post-band?
I am most thankfull for the improvements in my health and the fact that I have lost this weight relatively problem free. I am slowly regaining confidence and a little independance and realise I dont need to be pushed down into a corner, thinking I am not good enough anymore. I love how this magical little piece of .... whatever it is... had helped me to regain life again.
I know that I have lost weight, and can see in my reflection that I have too. But I find that I am even more critical or my wardrobe choices now, because i want to accentuate the places where I have lost the most weight. Yet I want to hide my turkey neck wobble gobble arms. But alas, it's too hot to be wearing my little cardy's. So I just dust plenty of bronzing powder on the pale bits and hope for the best..
My weight is bouncing around on the spot again.. I am at 109.9 again.. which is a little nervy for me, as I dont want to get into the 110's again.. I really want to be down to 106kg by xmas day. But to be honest, I am not pulling out all stops to make it happen, so if it doesnt, it doesnt.. I'm just going to try to enjoy this festive time of year, and worry about it in the New Year.. Does that sound a bit wrong?? Well who gives a hoo har if it is...
Oh, as i told you, my sister is getting banded on 2nd Feb 2010.. and one of my best friends Wendy was just given her date yesterday through the same surgeon also.. she will be getting banded on 4th Feb 2010. I am really happy for both of them, as I know just how much of a life change it will give them. And the fact that they can go through it all together is wonderful too.
They are also lucky in the way that they will end up with my clothes... jeez I wish I had have had someone ahead of me to hand me down theirs.. would certainly have saved me some money.. But I'm only too happy to get that ball rolling for them.
Anyway, I must get off my ass and look busy, I'm sure there will be some drinks to fill and stock to pull forward and so forth.
Ohh and by the way.. for any of you Aussies.. have you tried the new Carb Free and Sugar Free energy drink called SYNERGY?? It's along the same lines as Red Bull and V... anyway, it's really nice and without the guilt.. Certainly kicks me up the butt and gets me moving right along.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Just thought I'd share.
Have a look at my "Statistics"on the right side panel about half way down this page, and you will see that I have recorded alot of entries for this month.. I know I should only really stick to recording once or twice a month, but hey.. I'm on a roll. Now I am down to a 37.4kg loss, looks like my goal to have lost 40kg by xmas is in my sights.. However to be honest, i was hoping to get down to 100kg by then, but it's ok, I make the rules as far as my goal setting goes, and it suits me fine.
With Amy doing her Vlogs, she has inspired me to get a lil courage and do one of my own.. Perhaps I will do one when I hit my 40kg loss, or one for xmas.. which ever comes first.
My sister went in to meet the surgeon who did my band, and she told him about my progress.. He was extremely happy with it, and told her to tell me congrats.. but to take it easy, because he believes that the slower loss is better. Ppfftt.. He also told her that it is not good for the band if you PB more than once per week. Well, there are some weeks that I dont PB at all, the others when it happens with almost every meal that day. But I think the problem there is that instead of tucking into my next meal, I should just stick to liquids untill any inflamation has gone down.. Yeah right.. lol
Well I best get back to work/ temptation/ stinky sweaty work men wanting pies (oh and the temptation is not the stinky sweaty men, it's the pie oven.. thought I'd better clarify that)..
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Me and my Precious Boy.. he really is a very gentle soul.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I really cant imagine not being open about it, but I know there are so many who hide it, and I can totally understand that too. But I do hope that my open-ness helps more than these 2 ladies.
When I ask the silent blog followers to speak up and make themselves known, its not so I get feedback (although I do enjoy to read from people) but it's to help those unconfident ones to have a voice.. (oh lordy this is kind of sounding all speechy).. But I am serious.. because for so long, I used to be one of those, to shy or nervous to put my comments in for fear of what people thought of what I had to say, and pretty much classed myself as insignificant. I am also not saying that this is how every "silent blog follower" feels.. But ín saying this, I am giving you a little history of how I once was.
I have also been told that my blog is not always easy to comment on.. I have discovered this with a few blogs, can anyone shed any light on how this happens or how to make it easier to get along with??
Ok, I am going to do the rest of my blog in point form, as I have a few short statements to make, and want to get them done quick.. (it's getting late and I'm feeling lazy)
- I woke up this morning, got on the scales after my morning wee wee, and what did I see.. 111.6 k gees... WOOHOO now a total of 35kg loss.. I'm really not on target for how much I wanted to have lost, but I do have some sense of acheivement from this, and I am happy about it.
- I took a leaf out of AMY's book, and put up our christmas tree this afternoon.. Yes it is early, even my son was telling me so. BUT there is a difference this christmas, I am actually feeling in the spirit, and cannot wait to put up our lights out the front yard on the week end. (more energy, feel better about get togethers, etc. etc.)
- I know that I have previously blogged about "feeling down" kind of depressed and so forth, and I have noticed that it seems to be happening in the week before my period is due.. Is this PMS?? It comes on quick, and lasts about 4-5 days.. I wake in the morning, and am angry with the world, I dont want to talk to anyone, I just want to sleep the days away.. I'm going to talk to my GP about this. I dont like it at all, and I'm damn sure hubby and the kids dont either.
- On the work front, there seems to be a new troublesome couple in town, and they are mostly high on some kind of drugs, and prior to the robbery, I really dont think their presence would have bothered me, I probably would have just told them to get out of the shop and dont come back.. But a few of their episodes have left me so shook lately, that I was even dry reaching and had to nervous poops.. So not good. Another thing to talk to the GP about.
- Another note about the work front, and its temptations... The Pie Oven is all I should say.. I was overcome when I smelled the aroma of the new Chicken and Broccoli pie.. Now, I can not get through the whole pie, BUT I can open it up and eat it's insides.. About 6 mouthfulls of creamy chickeny goodness.. So yum, I'll have to take pics to share.. So I guess you could say I have lost my fight against the pie oven.. AGAIN..
Well my dear readers, I now have a hoarmonal headache, as I am guessing that when I wake tomorrow it will be TTOTM.. So I'm going to have me a nice hot bath and head to bed. Oh I should have put the subject of Baths in my point forms.. now that I can comfortably fit in my bath tub, I have been taking a long hot one each night.. Oh its so good. Aqua Therapy almost, but not as good as retail therapy (smiling widely)
Thanks for reading
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sooo, as we were walking though ToysRUs.. Ayisha was asking for everything in sight, and getting cranky because she couldnt have it all, then when I was paying for the one thing I chose to get (a present for my nephew), she starts carrying on at the checkout, then walks over to the sliding doors, and proceeds to lock them and unlock them.. I was calling out for her to come back to where I was standing, and she just looked back, and grins defiantly, much to my embarrasment.. People everywhere in there were just staring at me, then at her, then back at me.. I was so embarrassed, that when I finally got done with my transaction, I walked over, smacked her bottom, and put her in my trolley..I heard people sniggering, and obviously making unwanted comments about it all, but I just left the store and walked out in a bad bad mood.. THEN, as I am storming out, (angry and frustrated and embarrased all in one) a lady approaches me and I begin to think that this might be another person wanting to comment on Ayisha's hair.. (Ayisha had her hair out yesterday, and it was very wild and wooly, every time it is worn in this style, I get people stopping me and wanting to touch it..lol) then she said that she wanted to stop me, as she is a reader of my blog, and recognized me and Ayisha from the pics that I post on here.. We had a little chat and I asked her name, this lady doesn't blog, but does have a band, and follows some blogs. She was a lovely person, and is looking great, I do hope to get down her end of the scale eventually. Please accept my invitation to email me with your email address so we could possibly catch up one day, if you're interested. email@example.com , Please dont think I am that rude or vague all the time.. I was in the middle of a child induced break down.. lol . I left that shopping centre feeling so shocked.. because when I check out the listing of the locations that my blog readers are from, there are people from all over the world, and to be recognized in a shopping centre, was a shock..
But to also be told that this lady reads and enjoys my blog is a good feeling, to know that in some way, it can entertain or enlighten someones day, give ideas or just to relate to..
Now to follow up with my sisters appointment.. we went to see the nurse that I saw when applying to get my band, and it was nice to talk back into that office with confidence. I also noticed that people's before and after pics hadnt been updated on the wall, so as soon as I am looking hot, I am going to send in some pics..back to my sis.. She has now been given a date to be banded on 2nd Feb 2010.. I am super excited for her. And it means that her bandiversaries will only be a few days apart from mine. The thing I am seeing in my sister (lack of confidence, energy, etc...) are all the things I used to feel. It's sad, and takes me back to the beginning of this year, and it just amazes me at how much this band has changed my life. I did however express to the nurse yesterday that I wished I had lost a little more weight than what I have lost already, and she said not to compare myself and so forth, and that I have done a great job.. Sooo with that i stopped on the way home and bought myself another sz 16 (US size 14) lil summer singlet dress..
I am beside myself with excitement that I can actually shop in the "skinny girl section/shops".. for those of you over here who are familiar with Fashion Fair.. I never in a million years dreamed that I would own any garment from that shop.. Well I am becoming a regular spender in there.. I love it.
Another exciting thing to tell you is that 2 days ago, it was hot here, and I suprised my kids by putting on my new bathing suit and jumping into the pool with them. They have never seen me do such a thing. They were very excited and asked if we could do it more often. It's just another incident that makes me realise how far I've come and how much I have missed out on.
Well girls.. that all from me today. Have yourselves a great week end.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I have an appointment with my fill doctor tomorrow.. I am finding that I am really not eating enough for my weight to still be hovering and too'ing and fro'ing around 113kg..I am getting a little frustrated with it.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Anyway, today i was bad and had a Spicy Wicked Wing from KFC... tasted so good and spicy going down... but ohhh lordy, it was even spicier coming back up... not fun.. However I am finding that I am finding it alot easier to get rid of any discomforts now (have a good ol PB).. I used to dread the thought of throwing up.. but now if it means it's gonna make me feel a lil more comfortable, then off I go to the bathroom or somewhere as discreet as possible... So, I have a question... What is the worst thing that you have PB'd on or has gotten stuck??
Weighed in at 113.2kg this morning..(still have that daily weighing addiction) I hope to wake to find that i am in the 112's tomorrow.. ggrrrrr quite possibly it will go up.. it's like a freakin see-saw
Anyway, drop me a line girls!!!! Even those of you who never have..introduce yourself :)
♥ Nene xx
Friday, October 23, 2009
Is it only me or do those of you who go on lapbandtalk.com really struggle to understand why some women who are actually no even mildly overweight, get a band... I do enjoy looking at peoples progress pics, and then when I see a lovely after pic, I scroll back through and realise that there isnt a whole lot of difference from their pre-banding pic.. hmmm... I guess its not fair for me to judge, as I am only too aware of the emotional feelings of being overweight.. all I can say is IF ONLY I had their weight problem in the first place..
Right now my sister is starting on optifast diet, to try to shed some kgs.. I think she weighs about 120ish kgs, and is feeling a bit down for it.. You see I have always been bigger than her.. and since she had her baby a week before I was banded, she has been piling on the kgs.. I so understand how that is, especially after pregnancy. So busy with baby, you dont concentrate on yourself any more. Anyway, I keep telling her that I understand how hard it is, because I really do.. but she keeps mentioning the fact that I have the band so it shouldnt be hard anymore.. and then I get to thinking... Well ok, I dont have to constantly fight with a stupid non existant hunger all the time, and I dont have to eat a mack truck load of food to feel so stuffed that I might puke, BUT there certainly are a whole lot of foods that are "easier" to eat when you have a band.. the easier foods seem to be the wrong foods, and those are the times that it gets hard..
I was in an eatery yesterday and was looking for something to have for lunch... everything seemed to have PB facter written all over it, so I was bad and went to KFC and got a small chips and gravy.. Not the healthiest choice I know, but a good example.. and then I get to feeling bad that I filled my precious lil pouch on fatty nutrition-less crap.. Maybe next tiem I will pack a lunch when going to that place.
Bought another dress yesterday.. I am so loving spring and these maxi dresses.. at least this one being the stlye that it is, it should fit me as I shrink through the next few sizes. When ever that will be.
And as I sit and think about my goal for christmas, I make myself feel better by realising that this isnt a race.. It is about me feeling better about myself and getting healtheir (oh and looking good in clothes, lol)... I know I'll get there, when? who knows... but as long as I stay focused, but also let myself enjoy life too.. I will succeed.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I was going to a Store of the Year Ball.. I cant believe I actually thought I looked OK.. I do recall that I weighed 132kg in this pic.. So I had actually gained another 14kg before being banded..
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
You will see the pics below of me in my new dress and lil orange shrug top thingy..
Lastnight when I was taking some towels out of the washing maching, I felt one of my rings slip off and on to the floor. So it is with great sadness that I will have to cease wearing them before I really lose them. I would be gutted.
I weighed myself again this morning.. (becoming a serious addiction, I think) it said 114.1.. I so hope I wake in the morning and it say 113.... something..But then as I type this, I am sitting here eating clinkers chocolate.. So bad. But back to my obsessive weighing.. I really gotta break the habbit.. I weigh myself as soon as I've had my morning pee, then after breakfast, then maybe if I have a bowel movement, I will check to see if it took some of my weight with it.. then again before bed... and I just cant believe how much our weight fluctuates all damn day long. I really need to just weigh myself once a week. Then I wont be a rollercoaster of emotions about it.
Oh well, I best be getting ready for work.. I just might wear my new dress there today..
Friday, October 9, 2009
My weight loss is very slow... I weighed in at 114.5kg yesterday... seems I have been see-sawing on the scales, and I am so freakin sick of it.. But deep down, I know that I have myself to blame.. If I can just stop fingering the damn peanut butter jar at every spare hidden moment.. some old habbits never die..and this one pretty much had up untill I had my tooth taken out over a week ago. I was scooping fingerfulls of peanutty goodness into my mouth because I couldnt really eat much in the beginning.. and now the habit is back. Fan farkin tastic... not.
Got my new car.. I love it lots.. for those of you on my facebook, you might have seen it already, for everyone else. I will post a proud pic for you.
Back to the weight issue.. Why is it that if my weight plataues, do I feel like a big ol' swamp donkey all over again?? I really thought that getting my tooth out would have help me lose some more kgs... but as someone said to me... You need to actually eat enough to lose weight too.. Whatever the case may be.. at least it's coming off, and not creeping on.. an so there might be some super amazing eople that begin like me at a mammoth weight, and get to goal within a year, I just have to accept that if I still want to live comfortably and not obsess about every single sip or bite I take, it's just gonna take me a little longer to acheive my goal. And... speaking of goals.. I know that my "ideal" body weight is probably quite a bit less than my "goal" weight.. But I am just aiming to look good in my skin, and I really dont want to go for tummy tucks etc, so I will do the best I can with what I can.. if that makes sense.. and if it means that I end up at 10 or so kgs over my "ideal" body weight, to avoid the "sag", then thats ok by me.
Had a real bad PB the other day.. but I'm getting used to the fact that its just a part of my life now.. lol... a gentle but painfull reminder that whispers to my mind "Put that food down , lard ass, coz it aint doing you any favours".
Thats all from me, till next time..
Friday, October 2, 2009
Have a good week end everyone..
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
#2.. I can fit in my bath tub... I mean actually lay back and enjoy a good old theraputic soak.. I havent been able to do that for years. (mine is not one of those fancy big bath tubs either).. I have always in the past headed straight for a nice hot bath when I have had a headache, menstral cramps, cold/flu, or any sickness or stress at all.. I find that the water is so theraputic, and now that I am able to do it again, it is wonderful.. I had 3 hot baths in a day because I had my tooth pulled out, and just felt like crapola.. so a dip in the bath was all it took to prep me up for a bit..
I am finding that with this 2ml restriction, I am extremely tight in the morning, I really cant have a whole lot more than a cup of tea and a few mouthfulls of porridge. Where as later in the day, I am able to eat a meal (restricted size of course) without any problems.. So this is fine with me.. I have lost 1kg since getting my refill last monday, I just hope that this is on the downward slope again, and doesnt float back up like it has been doing for the last few weeks. Soo this morning I weighed 115.2kg.. lets just see what tomorrow brings..
As mentioned before, I had a tooth taken out yesterday, Oh how I hate the dentist.. But it was neccesarry for the sake of my eating (chew chew chew) but it seems, as soon as I know that I CANT eat, that is when I want EVERYTHING i can get down my throat and through my band... So I went and got a paddle pop ice cream.. Remember, I cant really eat breakfast, and had my tooth extracted at 10:45am. So by the time I got home it was close to lunch time, and as numb as I was, I was ready to tackle a big beefy burger.. lol.. but a paddle pop it was..then I had to come to work, still semi numb, but as time went on, the numbness wore off and I was struck down with some throbbing pain.. And it seemed that every fricken customer thought it would be a good day to have a long drawn out conversation.. Grrr...I ended up politely excusing myself explaining I had had a tooth out.. I sipped on slush puppys for the rest of the afternoon shift, which I found were pleasantly filling too..
Oh, and on Saturday when I finished work, hubby, the kids and myself went over to the southside (Yeronga) and went to an African Cultural Festival.. It was nice and very loud.. But after standing for a few hours in the hot sun, I had had enough and it was time to come home.. But whilst there I had some of the best belly laughs that I have had in a long time.. Montel and I were watching the " aussies/whites" trying to immitate the african lady's dance moves (onstage), we could barely catch our breath at some of the funny moves that people were pulling.. But it was good to see that everyone was having a great time.. I wish I had the confidence to have done that....
Well i best be ending here, the shop is getting a little busy... bloody pie hunters...