Tuesday, March 31, 2009

MY BRAIN FART IS OVER (almost)

Well my mood continued on for the rest of yesterday.. right up untll I went to bed.. No matter what frame of mind I tried to put myself in, I just couldnt shake the dark cloud that was hanging over my head. I hated the world, screamed like a banchee, wanted to pack my bags and go away on my own. I didnt want to talk, smile laugh or even bloody exist for that matter.
So this morning, I am a little calmer. The kids keep giving me sideways glances, waiting for me to screech again. But I have not. I do feel bad for yesterdays outbursts, and kind of wonder if i have a problem.. How can one just wake up and be so irritated with absolutely everyone.. Even my mum copped some of my wrath. But when I think some more.. I know there are deeper reasons why I was like that, I guess I just hold too much in. Anyway, onwards and upwards (well downwards by the scale).. ohh and thats the the bloody scales want to co-operate with me this frikken fortnight.
Yesterday when I went for my fill, I stopped at the chemist next door coz I saw they had a make up sale on... Nothing better than a bit of retail therepy.. So I spent up and bought some perfume, and some foundation, mascara, lip gloss and brozing pearls... gotta love a bargain.. But since putting it all on this morning, my eyes have been watering and my foundation had melted away from under my eyes, making me look like I am at least 10 years older, and the irony of it, is that the foundation is an age defying on..I got a feeling that the mascara is not agreeing with me.. Dammit. Will have to reapply before I go out..
Speaking of going out, today I have to go to buy a new computer with my parents for the shop, as well as put my artsy mind to the test by making Ayisha an easter hat for her Easter Hat Parade at daycare tomorrow.. I have faint memories of the easter hat parade that I was in at early primary school..melted easter eggs dripping all over little kids heads, mini fluffy chicken toys dropping to the ground like flies... funny stuff.. I will do my best to make Ayisha first easter parade a good one, memorable for all theright reasons.. Will take a pic and post it up when I have got it done.. BUT shouldnt there be a shop where you can buy ready made easter hats?? dont we mothers have enough to do???
In anycase. I will just make sure there is no real chocolate anywhere, or in my states of depression, I just might inhale it all..
Well thats it from me for today..
xx Nene

Monday, March 30, 2009

NO LOSS

Sucks to be me today.. woke in one hell of a fowl mood, and it still hant really left me yet.. I went in for my fill, and waited 45 minutes to get in. ( i was on time, they weren't) And as far as the fill went, it didnt hurt this time.. thank god.. BUT.. I havent lost even a frikken gram.. I am still weighing in at 126.9.. Sucks to be me...
So I got a 1ml fill, and will go back in another 2 weeks.. Hopefully this time I will have lost something. So now I have 2ml in a 10ml band. Fingers crossed..
I dont have a whole lots else to write at the mo' coz I am so aggitated.. Might pop back by later or will write again tomorrow..
xxNene

Sunday, March 29, 2009

PARTY DAY

Well the party has been and gone.. May I just say.. THANK GOD... I was racing around from 5am yesterday morning, baking cakes and cookies, making little fancy sandwhiches and tidying the house.. Not to forget to mention, screaming like a banchee at the kids for not picking up after themselves and creating more work for me to do. I even got out the back garden and weeded out some lantana that has somehow taken over EVERYTHING, even the bench seat was attatched to the lattice because of the vines.. So it was all systems go, gardening, backing, screaming, tidying and doing my best to no cry or pack my bags and let the party go on without me. I think it got to me so much because in some way, I think I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to people coming to my house. I dont want anything out of order, and everything has to be right. Some days, I dont care what people think of me, but then on other days, all my insecurities are there and just the slightest thing makes me crumble.. I guess this was one of those times, and the fact that I had just endured a 2 week period, I was farked..In any case, my period finally stopped.. it went for exactly 14 full days. I am going to get something for my iron levels today, coz all I want to do is lay down and sleep.. Which is not gonna happen.
Back to the party, as the kids started arriving, and I was making small chit chat with their mums, i turned around shocked to discover just how many kids there were. I'm so glad that not everyone came that we invited. It was already madness enough.. So as I was speaking to the newest mother to arrive, one of the other mothers ran out into the yard and scooped up her son, he had just fallen and was a wailing mess with a scraped arm.. She whips out a bandaid from her bag and put it on his elbow. (Is every mother this well prepared? I'm not) So I kind of felt bad that I didnt see this happen, and here she was entrusting me to look after her child for the next 2 hours. So I took her number down, and said if there were any problems, I would call her.. She hung around gathering courage to leave her son here for the next 30 minutes.. LOL.. Then as I was saying goodbye to her, another kid was down, he had accidentally headbutted another boys shoulder.. I couldnt believe how downhill this was going.. So I got out the games, and pass the parcels and gave out prizes and before I knew it, it was half time (1 hour down, and 1 to go).. So it seemed like a good time to feed them up.. Luckily my sister was here, she was heating all the foods inside, whilst i was in control of rubbish duty out back.. I called out to the kids after pass the parcel, "First one to take as much rubbish to the bin as they can carry, wins a prize"... That sure worked a treat, the back deck was spotless in no time.. FANTASTIC.. I felt like I was constantly pouring drinks and telling them to put their rubbish in the bin, and being asked to look after prizes till they left, all the noise and talk and questions.. OMFG!!! As the last mother came to collect her precious little party goers, I was on the verge of tears and hysteria... I needed a drink, I needed a ciggarette ( i know it's bad) So I turned to come inside after waving her off, and got the garbage bag, cleared everything in lightning speed, which was surpising because of my exhaustion, and sat myself down on the back deck with the esky of ice and drinks, and my bottle of bourbon.. Sitting there sipping and puffing away, I was glad I had the party for my boy, and even happier that he enjoyed himself, but with clear warning, that there would NEVER be another party at home again..
I have woken this morning, with saw leg and arm muscles on the right side of my body. Perhaps it is because I was on the go all day yesterday, or after a few bourbons, I lost all inhibitions and took advantage of the fact that my period was finished.. LMAO..
I go for my second fill tomorrow.. I'm pretty sure I need it..

Friday, March 27, 2009

Party's Work and the Dreaded Monthlys

Well tomorrow is the party, and after my winge yesterday I kind of felt a bit bad.. This particular childs mother is only being a good mum.. I shouldnt be so negative and insecure within myself by worrying what she will think of my house, and party.. In fact, after sending out 17 invitations, it was only this lady and one other parent that actually RSVP'd.. So I dont even know how many little devils are coming now.. I am more than overstocked with party prizes, food and take home party bags. I just hope that my boy enjoys his day..Even though I heard on the radio that we are in for showers tomorrow.. DAMMIT!!!!!

I just wish that I had a day to myself.. with all the madness of the new business and this damn party, I am buggered. My parents are buying another convenience store, and I have been recruited to work in it, as I owe my parents for the funds of the band.. $15000 to work off. But I will never regret my band. And i actually do enjoy working with customers and the public.. Just dont remind me of saying this when in a few weeks/months time I blog and rant about rude people... LOL.. I actually still work in the shop that my parents used to own. For the new owners, so i guess that proves that I enjoy what I do. You do build good friendships with some customers. And to be honest, I hear alot of great feedback and compliments from some of the customers that I have told about my band.
So over the last few weeks, i have been helping to organize packaging products and bagging lollies, lunch packs etc.. working, preparing for this party.. I am soo over it.. I just want a day (that my lil princess goes to daycare) all to myself.. I really cant see that happening for a long time now, at least untill my parents sell this new shop.. lol.. But in saying that I have no me time, it also means less time to think about food. So maybe its good that I am busy.
And to Shaggs, I can sympathise with the PMS thing... I have had a shocker of a month really. I have had my period for 13days so far, and it still isnt showing any sign of slowing down, and for about 2 weeks prior to it coming, I was and I guess still am as irritable as ever.. I was tired and kept yawning when I came home from work lastnight, and hubby kept immitating me..I told him "If you kept bleeding for 2 weeks straight, I think you'd be slightly tired too".. That soon shut him up. He hates getting onto that topic. He reckons it will turn him of sex. But I'm sure as soon as the flood gates close, he will be right back on track. LOL
But what I dont understand is why am I having a period at all?? I had the depo needle just after I got the band, and previously have never bled whilst being on it. I wonder if the weightloss has anything to do with it.. Either way, I want this to be over.. the headaches are a shocker, I wake feeling like I had a heavy night.. Now I wouldn't mind if I actually did have.

I go for my 2nd fill on monday, I am excited yet nervous, after my last dose of butchery (misjudgement of porthole location).. I am looking forward to a little more restriction. As much as i do enjoy being able to eat, I just want to get this train rollin down the track.. I dont want to stall on the whole weightloss thing. I still have a lot to lose.

Well thats enough from me for today..

Thursday, March 26, 2009

BIRTHDAY DINNERS AND PARTIES

Well it's been a few day since writting, and not a whole lot of excitement has happened, Yesterday was my sons 9th Birthday. As usual, he got spoilt, and then we took him out for dinner to a little indonesian restaurant in at West End. I love this restaurant, because it is so much like being in Asia.. Very simple, yet comfortable. The aroma hits you in the face as soon as you drive into the street. There are few different asian restaurants in the same block as the one we went to, so that would help make it stronger to smell.
But this was my first time at this restaurant since being banded. I was a little nervous, but still very excited as the smells took over. So, as an entree we ordered satay chicken sticks , which smelled and looked so good, I picked one up and scoffed into it, without even thinking of what the outcome could be. BIG MISTAKE!!!!! All of a sudden, I felt that all too familiar pain in my cleavage, so sitting there sweating with my hands in the air stretching, my husband asks if I dont like it.. and I tell him, NO!! I am just having a fight with my band. He looked on concerned, as I prepare to make a dash for outside and around the corner into the privacy of darkness.. As I think the dark sidestreet, would be so much cleaner and easier to get to than their toilets which are located out through the back of the shop and all the way along the outside veranda of the back of the building. And then i sit there, feeling shitty because I know the best of the meal is yet to come, and I may not be able to have any of it.. BUT miraculously, as the Marinated Golden fried chicken and the plain chicken and salad arrives, my blockage fixes itself and I am all too eager to try the chicken. Which is then followed by the Mei Goreng ( noodles and veges) and hubby got the Nasi Goreng (Fried rice) So I munched away and enjoyed the meal without anymore incidents. It was sooo nice, apart from the fact that the waitress (the owners daughter) kept abusing her father right in front of the whole restaurant, bossing him, like he was a child. I felt bad for him. She was about 6 months pregnant, maybe she was being hormoanal or something.. But as nice as she was to us, she was a friggin bitch to him. Not the nicest background noise for a meal. But all in all, it was a nice night, and Montel sure ate enough to last him a month of meals.
I am however, not looking forward to this saturday. Montels Birthday Party... He has invited 17 kids, which range from neighbours to schools friends to cousins. And even as late as yesterday, long after the invitations have been handed out, he is asking me if "this other friend" can come.. To which I snap, "Dont you think you have enough people coming to tear down our house?".. He looked at me all strange, and said" Well can he?"... I swear, I could just dig a hole and bury myself in it some days.. I dont think he understands sarcasm yet. So I said "NO!, and dont ask about anyone else coming the the party, or you wont have one at all!"
So all night I dreamed about this upcoming party, wishing I had have just planned a McDonalds or Hungry Jacks Party.. Partly because one of the mothers has asked me if I would mind if she stayed, as she thinks he 8 year old might get nervous if she isnt around. ( is this kid still fricken breast fed or what!?!?!) But what do I say?... No, you cant stay?!?!.. So I say, "Of course you can".. inwardly, I feel like I dont want another mothers pair of eyes watching me and judging my birthday party expertise... Which I dont have, because I have never put one on before.. And I do recall that when my son went to her sons 7th birthday party, they even hired a freakin juke box, there is no way that I can compete with that.. And I dont intend to. What I do intend to do, is fill these lil brats with as much sugar and shit as they will fit in, and send them home to their families.. LOL.. This happens when ever my son goes to a party, so it's my turn now. And if this woman wants to come and babysit her "little dependant", she can do so, but to not expect him to be invited to my parties again..
I want to be comfortable in the chaos that will be, at the party, I have my husband , sister and parents on hand as shaperones. Next year and beyond, there will be NO PARTYS AT HOME!!!!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

ABSENT MINDED EATING

I havent had a whole lot to talk about the last couple of days, am still going with the flow of this band, and as it seems, I still dont have much restriction. However there have been a few more tight painful episodes. I was getting worried when I wasn't having them, but now I am getting them again, I wish I wasn't. but in saying that, it is a good reminder that the band is in its place, but I am the one that is not behaving as I should be.. I absent mindedly took a bite of my daughters left over multigrain, peanut butter sandwhich on friday, and all of a sudden in mid chew of the next mouthfull, I felt an almighty choking pain, and quickly spat the chewed up mouthfull out, in fear that it would cause a back-up on the pain that was already going on. So I am walking around the house, arms raised, trying to hold my breath and get rid of this lumpy chunk of bread that was blocking not only by band passage into my big ol' stomach, but it was making me lose my damn mind with the pain. All I want to do is get naked in get in the shower when I am having one of these episodes. What is it was water that makes me feel like everything is going to be ok?? I get a headache, stomach ache, sore back, hangover, labour pains, etc.. and you will find me either sitting on the floor in the shower or laying back in a bath filled as high as it will go with water so hot that I get out feeling a little light headed and looking like a well cooked lobster.
Although prior to the band, and to be honest, even since the band, I have not been much of a water drinker, but when there is even the slightest bit of pain in my body, I have to cover myself in it. So back to my story of pacing around with the peanut butter sandwhich lodged uncomfortably within me, I start to strip, but get a phone call...I answer it (god knows why, seems I cant let the phone ring out even when I am going through this) and it turns out to be the chatty mother of on of Montels school friends, she was calling to RSVP for her son to come to Montel's party next week end. I politely try to end the call a number of times, before realising that now the blokage has gone.. Woohoo... One episode down, I hope it will be quite a while before it happens again. And so far it hasn't.. I get that sandwhich was enough to make my band kick my ass and make me think a bit more before eating.

I have another dillema though, and that is... all my rings are now getting too big, or should I say that my fingers are shrinking. And to think of that money I had to spend to get the bloody things to fit my fat fingers in the first place.. I will feel lost without wearing them, but soon, I will have no choice but to take them off and put them away safely untill I am down to my goal weight and get them resized. I might just have to find some nice cheap costume jewelery to take its place for the time being...

Well I not long got home from work, and am a little tired, so I will end here...Hope all is well in bandland for everyone .. :)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

TODAYS BAKING EFFORT (pic)


Since watching Extra on chanel 9 lastnight, I saw the recipe for these biscuits on there, sooo somple that I had to make them today.. I used, Jam, smarties, freckles and peanuts to dress them up... Easy recipe, however very bad for the hips, thighs, ass, arms, stomach and where ever else the bad stuff likes to sit.. BUT.. good for a quick fix for the kids after school. Ayisha even helped me decorate with the smarties.. One for the cookie, one for her, one for the cookie one for her... :) She did try to wash the wooden spoon, and didnt do a bad job of it, however, it was the whole kitchen floor that needed mopping afterwards.

LIQUIDS SHMIQUIDS

Well I'm up, nice bright and early, the reason being.. I can sit here by the computer with my cuppa and be alone with my thoughts before the kids wake up and the morning turn to chaos.. As I type this, I can hear the heavy footsteps on my son, trudging to the loo.. Dammit.. I spoke to soon of the peace and tranquility. But in saying that I do love the peace, I also love the big morning cuddles that I get from my kids. Although give it a few hours and my daughter wont want to cuddle me, she'll be escaping me. I bought a few bags of hair yesterday and am going to do her braided extensions today.. This take alot of bribing for her to sit still, because it takes around about 6 hours to do. But so far in the past, she has been champion about it.

I'm supposed to be getting my lounge back today, I dreamt lastnight that I got the wrong lounge back and it was saggier than the first one.. LOL.. I guess I'm dreaming of it coz it's on my mind all the time.. Stupid Super Amart. If this has not been fixed, I will demand a new one.

Now getting back to yesterday after my fill. I finished writting my blog yesterday and got up to poke around the house to try to keep busy and avoiding food.. I always want food, when I know that I'm not allowed to have it. But after flickering around tidying here and there, I found myself, in the kitchen cupboard digging out my Delites Sour Cream and Chives crackers and serving up a dollop of Light Cottage Cheese.. So I slowly chewed on the first one, untill it was almost nothing to swallow, and realised it went down with no problem, so I followed through with another one, then another.. After about 10 crackers, I was full.. Which I guess is an improvement. Before my fill, I was having almost 30 crackers.. But these arent your large rectangular meal size crackers, these are bite size. So it was the first sign that this fill should be successfull, apart from the fact that it didnt stop me from eating for the day.. LOL, then for dinner, I wasn't overly hungry, but felt like a bit of flavour. So I got out some taco mince left over from sundays nachos, and I ate about half a cup of mince with a tiny bit of low fat cheese sprinkles on top as well as salsa. Was yum, and very filling..
BUT today I am going to be good. I will eat normal food, but I am only going to have my 3 meals. NO SNACKING!!! but the one thing that sucks is, my morning meal, I am so used to having a cup of tea WITH my breakfast, but cant.. So now I have it half hour before. Which logically isnt so bad because I am already quite full from my tea that by the time I eat, I dont have that much.
Well thats enough of my early morning ramblings, I best get my booty out of this chair and deal with my lovable little monkeys.

Monday, March 16, 2009

CITY PICS





Thought I would share a couple of piccies, We went into the city yesterday morning, just for a drive, and stopped at Kangaroo Point cliffs for a photo.. As you can see, Ayisha really is a daddys girl.

MY FIRST FILL

Well I went in for my first fill this morning, She only put in 1ml, and told me that it may not affect me at all, as it can sometimes take a couple of fills to really feel the effects. But first of all I got on the scales, after holding off for this past 2 weeks and was excited to see that I am now down to 126.9kgs.. (pre band 146.6).. This was exciting, but a lil annoying, as I was hoping that it would at least say 126.6.. LOL then I could boast of a 20kg loss, well I guess if you count in the fact that I havent had a bowel movement for a few days, I may have gone lower.. But stuff it.. I'm just going to say I lost 20kgs. :) Who really cares about the decimals..?? lol

But if I wasnt already nervous enough about getting this needle/fill, she got me up on the bed and told me to do a half sit up so she could feel around for my port, and then there was a prick and an almighty painful crunching sound, then more poking around till it was done.. Now you may wonder what I am on about with the crunching sound.. Well, the friggen needle hit the side of the port, then it took for her to get the right angle to get the fill in.. I surely hope to god that, that doesnt happen every time..

In any case, I have to go back in 2 weeks for a review. She said that she would have been happy for me to not even get a fill this time around as I have lost 2 kg since the last time I saw her a fortnight ago, but when I told her that I am starting to graze in between meals, she was quick to whip out the needle.. DAMMIT... lol Then when I got off the bed, I asked about the whole liquids for 24 hours thing, and she said yes, I have to just have liquids then soft foods after that.. Inwardly I was feeling like something real nice for lunch.. But instead I left the clinic and made a bee line for Gloria Jeans for a Chai Tea Latte on skinny milk.. I even rebelled and had 2 sachets of sweet and low sugar in it.. And that brings me to now, as I sit here, my mouth feels like something to munch, but if I really think about it, my stomach isnt all that hungry.. BUT I cant promise that by the end of the day I wont be doing the good old chew and spit or sneaking mouthfulls of soft food.. I am so bad..

Saturday, March 14, 2009

NEED RESTRICTION

I have been thinking... I am really sure that I need more restriction.. In fact, i have not had any problems eating since my big PB... and that was about a week ego.. Not even when I dont properly chew a mouthfull, do I feel and pain.. I am also grazing and eating in between meals. NOT IMPRESSED.. but my biggest fear is that when I PB'd, i may have slipped the band or something drastic.. OH GOD I HOPE NOT!!! So, I am now kind of relieved that I have my appointment on Monday to get a fill.. But I want to ask her if she can do some kind of check to make sure if the band is ok. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But I did however have an english muffin split in half and toasted, with baked beans and a poached egg for breakfast this morning. Then around 11am I felt a little pecking, so I raided the peanut butter jar with a teaspoon. I had 2 teaspoons of that, and felt bad about it, then just at 1pm for lunch I had another subway, chicken fillet wrap. Finished it with no problem. I doubt that I could have had any more than what I ate, but I do feel that it is too much.
You watch, next week, I'll be wingeing about being to restricted.
Well today is a short one, because I have to go to work soon.
Enjoy the week end. :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

MY RESULTS

Well, following up on the lump that I had ultrasounded this morning, I arrive at the Imaging Centre, and am ushered through by one of 2 of the women working there, I change into my gown and am then shown to the room where my ultrasound is to take place.. After pouring some warm sticky goop onto my breast, she begins the ultrasound... This took quite some time, so she was making small talk, asking questions of whether I had children, if I work and where.. and so forth. So I thought, we seem to have a friendly repour, I decided to ask.. "Does the lump seem like it has any cause for concern?".. She bluntly replies "I'm not allowed to discuss that with you".. So I'm laying there with my titties out for her to examine, and she's telling me that she can't discuss my own body with me.. Freakin Hell!!! However, I do understand her position.. It just pissed me off. So after a lengthy examination, I was then shown to an area to be seated and told to wait for her, she dissapeard into an office like room, and left me sitting, worried of why I was not yet allowed to get my top back on and go out to my sister who was waiting in the entrance. I was sat for about 5 mins, wondering if she would then ask me to go for a mamogram or something else, but she emerged from the room, and told me that I could go into the cubicle and get dressed now, I did this, wondering why the hell was I made to wait then??... So I went to settle, and was told that the results would be ready in a few hours.. Seemed the lady behind the front desk was more interested in her private phone call than releasing patients. She was sooo bloody rude.. And today was not the day to be rude to fragile lil me.. She just made me feel even more shittier.
ANYWAY... I went back a few hours later and got my results envelope and doing as everyone does, I opened it before even taking it back to my GP and read that what I have is a Lipoma.. (A Benign Tumour, composed of fatty tissue)... hmmm, I wonder is this band is gonna help me get rid of that. LOL... In any case, Clinical Correlation (whatever that is) and monitoring is recommended... So now I can rest my mind.. and get some decent sleep.
So for lunch I had subway for the first time since being banded. I used to be able to eat 2 foot long subs.. BAD BAD BAD I know.. even the surgeon was shocked when I told him that I was capable of eating that much.. Anyway, I didnt want to venture on to the bread, so i had a Wrap with chicken fillet, lettuce, cucumber, onion and pickles.. Soooo yum.. I was shocked that I was able to finish the whole thing.. But after swallowing that last mouthfull, I regretted that last swallow. But didnt PB, just sat and felt sorry for myself for a few minutes. But I do love this band.
Now to get gross, and I am not sure if I have raised this topic on this blog before, but its about the greasy looking oil slick in my urine.. LOL, yuk i know.. But when I see that my urine has that oily grease slick on top, I know that is the fat that is exiting my body, and all week, i have had that, so I am looking forward to seeing my fill doctor on monday to weigh in.. I am only going to weigh myself on her scaled from now on, as so many scales are all over the place, they get my hopes up then down again.. Not looking forward to that fill needle, but who knows, if my urine greasiness is anything to go by, I may not need one.. Although, I doubt that I should be able to eat a whole subway wrap and get away with it.. So I'm pretty sure I'll be tightened up.

By the way, I want to thank Shaggs and Bel for your words of encouragement with my lumpy issue.. Big hugs to you both...xox

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

THE LATEST

Well for the last 2 nights, I have had dreadfull sleeps and restless thoughts. The reason being... I was in the shower on Sunday night and when washing, I felt a lump on the underside of my right breast..I dont usually take notice of these things, but it was only recently that I heard on the radio that women should do a simple self breast check each month, so whilst standing there waiting for my conditioner to do its magic on my shitfull haircut, I thought I would do this exam.. First I kind of had a half giggle to myself thinking, perhaps it is part of my ribs, and because I have lost weight and my boobs have shrunk, maybe it was the first time in a long time that I was feeling ribs.. So I felt the other side, and there was no lump, this sent the alarm bells going on in my head.
I got out the shower and told hubby, for a second opinion, I got him to have a feel and he said that it deffinately wasnt a rib. I then thought, Ok, if it is still there tomorrow night, I will go to the doc.. And... yes it was still there lastnight. So after 2 shitty nights sleep, I went to my doctor today and he had a feel, and is now sending me for an ultrasound on both breasts. He told me that it could just be a benign cyst, but better to get it checked out properly.. Sooo, if the ultrasound comes back looking dodgey, I will then have to get a mammogram.. I was thinking to myself.. Yeah, that would be right, just when I start to make a headway in my appearance and in my life, things have got to start turning upside down.. Grrrrrrr... So right now, I am sitting down sipping on a flat bourbon and pepsi max. To hell with my eating plan today.. I'll pick my act up again tomorrow. LOL, but then by the time I'm done with a few drinks tonight, I may not even want to eat tomorrow. I might need to adopt Shaggs style of hangover. Sadie the cleaning lady.. :)

Monday, March 9, 2009

MY HAIR CUT (06/03/09)



Not real happy with it though

CURRENT PIC (6/03/09)


The PFB

Well I have officially graduated to band land.. I had my first PB.. Should be called PFB (Pretty Farkin Bad) It all started when I got home from work lastnight, and hubby had cooked a beautiful meal of Jallof Rice and Salad (african dish, rice cooked in chicken broth and a tomato stew) YUM!! I used to eat this alot, rice is almost a staple in this house.. BUT not for me anymore.. I sat down to my tiny bowl of rice and salad, and after 4 mouthfulls, I jumped up with the most excruciating pain where my band is located.. Holy Mother of Christ, by far, it was the most pain I have been in since the operation. I paced around the kitchen like a mad woman, with my arms up in the air, who knows what my neighbors would have thought if they were looking into my house.. But at that time, i couldnt have cared less.. I could hardly bloody breathe. I undid my bra, to release some pressure on the band site and it did nothing. i was that delirious with pain, I almost stripped off. I went into the bathroom, and leant over the basin, in hope that something would come up and rid me of my pain, then before long, I did it... yes, I have discovered what "slimed" is... YUK... but after sliming and spitting into the basin, I was still getting intermitent pains, so still stretching and trying to chase my wide eyed kids away from the bathroom, I then went the lurch again, and this time a tiny bit of food came up with more slime. This carried on for a few more minutes before coming to an end.. Pain gone, and the offending rice, washed down the sink.. Why pb into the sink?? I just cant bring myself to aim my face above the toilet where people perch their stinking backsides and drop their loads.. I would just keep vomiting if I went there. LOL.. Sorry to get graphic on you.
After such an ordeal, i walked back out to the loungeroom and hubby said, "I didnt put yours away in case you wanted more".. Like hell I wanted more. I just wanted to curl up in the bottom of the shower and curse this bastard band for ruining the dinner that I was so looking forward to. but funnily enough.. My appetite was gone.
I'll post a couple of pics up. I wanted to do a callage, but cant find a frigging program to do it..I am however a little dissapointed in my pics, and although the scales tell me that i have been losing, and my clothes and their baginess tell me, but i cant see much difference in my pics.. Sucks!!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

REWARDED MYSELF

Well as I said, when I had lost the first 20kgs, I would reward myself with a stylecut.. Well I have been getting sick of having the bad hair days, and looking like my big old fat self that I thought.. STUFF IT!!! I'm going to get it done today.. And I did. I got like a concave bob style cut. I have had it before, but it has been 8 months since I had it done and it grew out, which lead me to wearing my hair pulled back everyday.. FERAL SHERYL!!!
So after the hair salon pampering, i decided to go to NorthLakes shopping centre and look for something nice to wear... WHY is it, that when ever I go out to buy something, I can never find anything I like, and when I am completely broke, or unwilling to use my credit card, is when I find so many things I want.????? Drives me nuts.. In any case, I bought some beaded necklaces to decorate the shitty clothes that I do have.
Whilst at the shops, I noticed it was after lunch and thought I'd better find something to eat. A very hard thing to do in an eatery smelling so good with all the food that I really shouldnt have.,I stupidly chose a chicken terryaki and cucumber sushi stick. BIG MISTAKE!!! It hurt like a bastard.. I will never, as much as I loved sushi, have it again. The pain of driving along having that shit clogging up my band passage.. Oh the pain. I know I should have made a better choice. A choice that didnt include sticky frigging rice and fishy paper.. doesnt taste good when you burp. Funnily enough, I didnt feel the pain untill after I had swallowed my last bite. And then it hits.
Then after picking up the kids from school, I thought I would check out this dress shop that I have been meaning to stop at, the sign on the window says they sell up to size 3XL.. (American size 22-24. ) Anyway, i went in and saw nothing i liked, all too granny style for me, but got talking with the woman (also a large lady), and discovered she had also had the lapband too. I asked her of her progress and how long she had been banded.. She got banded in 2007 and has only lost 25kgs.. And went on to boast how you can cheat the band.. Luckily, I dont really like ice cream, and I dont care much for chocolate.. Because I dont want to be standing there in 2 years time saying i have had the band for 2 years and only lost that pissy amount.. I know I am sounding judgemental, but it really makes you wonder why people even bother to get the band if they're going to cheat it so much.. I mean 25kgs really is alot, but not when you've got more than 50kg to lose.
I am still finding that I remain quite full in between meals. Which is great. but I just hope it is doing its magic on the scales. I will go back to see about a fill on the 16th March. Still dont know if I will need one. I am full off a cup of food, or sometimes less depending on the food that I eat. I am kind of getting sick of the whole "full feeling".. But things change..Maybe i just feel like shit from my sushi episode.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Love This

I just got this little ditty on facebook, thought I would share it with you.. I LOVE IT!!!

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IN LIFE IS,
GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS
PARTY HARD
& LOOK TWICE AS GOOD AS THE BITCH
STANDING NEXT TO YOU

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

MY LITTLE BUMBLE BEE (camera disposing bumble bee)


I finally went and bought another camera.. And am not happy with it's performance.. Not real clear.. But here is a sample anyway..Going back tomorrow to exchange it. I am so over faulty bulshit products... From lounges to cameras, to cars.. I wont even get started about my rotten car..

Monday, March 2, 2009

GOT ALL NERVOUS FOR NOTHING!!!

Well, today was supposed to be the day that I was to get my first fill. So with much excitement, then terror, I went in to Stafford to see Dr Duncombe. Whilst in the waiting room, a woman came out of the doctors room, crying her eyes out because she has to go back into hospital again... I felt so sorry for this woman, and was imagining that I would react in much the same way if that was put upon me.. Then I started thinking to myself.. What if she tells me the same thing?? Well for a start, I just couldnt afford to go back into hospital.. so the bloody band would just have to stay sku wiff till I could get some funds together... Anyway thank fully, my name gets called, I sheepishly walk down the corridor to the nurses room, and she asks how I am.. Straight out, I tell her, I am shitting myself and I dont want to see any signs of any needles, and just jab me when it's time to jab me.. She laughed and told me to sit down, she asked a bunch of questions and was actually quite a nice Doctor. Made me feel very at ease... So after the questions of starting weight, then how my appetite is, and what kinds of foods I am eating and so forth, I was told to get on the scales and to my absolute delight.. the scales read 128.9kg... Yeee Haaaahh.... LOL, now I know being that weight isnt something to party about, but for me to come this far already, is a wonderful feat... Now back to my story..

When the doctor saw that I have lost that much, and weighed up all the other answers that I gave her to the questions, she told me that I wont be needing a fill today... YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!!!! She also told me that some people ( a very few people) never need a fill, they are able to get to goal weight by just having the band in... kind of hope that is me... LOL.. in any case, I have to go back in 2 weeks and if I am feeling a little more hungry than usual, I can call and arrange a fill ASAP...

So now, I have also decided, that I will no longer weigh myself anywhere but at Dr Duncombes, as so many scales vary in weight, and to be honest, since Dr Duncombes scales have been the kindest to me, I prefer hers..

I left the clinic feeling relieved that I didnt have to stick with liquids for the next 24 hours... wasnt looking forward to that.. So I went straight and bought a Chai Tea Latte on skinny milk, and had chinese for lunch. I love this band.. I dont think I will ever get sick of saying it.



Now whilst in the waiting room of the "Obesity Clinic", I struck up a conversation with another lady who had just had a fill, and I asked her on her way past me if it hurt, as she was rubbing her stomach. So she sat down and told me that it was just a pinpricking sensation, and not to be worried.. So I got nosey and asked when she was banded, as she is still would be about a size 24. She told me she was banded in 2007 and had lost 20kg. But has put on 12kg.. I was wondering to myself.. How the frigg could this happen?? Does she blend up Hungry jacks meals and slurp through a straw or what??? thats the only possible way I could imagine this happeneing whilst having the band.. In any case, I am not being nasty about her situation, I do feel for people that have gone to the extreme of having a band, for it not to work out for them. But it isnt there to work FOR them..

So, as my first goal, I set out for myself was to get my haircut when I have had a loss of 20kgs.. It had better hurry up coz I am sick of the bad hair days..
I wish my band sister Bel, luck with her fill today... will be thinking of you this afternoon...
I am off to work now..Have a lovely day ladies. oxox

Pics of me, before banding

Photobucket Album

Sunday, March 1, 2009

1 Month Bandiversary

Well, the lounge is gone.. It was supposed to be picked up between 12 and 1pm, however the guys didnt arrive till 5:15pm... By this time I was over my frantic pissed off stage, I was in a mellow place.. That was perhaps brought on my having a glass of bourbon.. But most importantly, the lounge is gone, god only knows if it will be better or worse whenh I get it back..

Well even though the scales haven't moved, I actually had a bit of a slimmer feeling day yesterday.. I bought a top from Best & Less on clearance for only $4.95, and it was a size 20.. Super excited, coz I was wearing sz 26 pre banding. So this new top feels and looks good. Something that actually fits right, instead of hanging off me. But financially right now is not good for me to go crazy buying clothes, so I'll just hang back a bit.
After reading some of the forum, I have found a question that I want to ask the nurse when I go for my fill on monday.. What size band do i have??? Some I have noticed have a 14cc band, others a 20 cc band etc. etc. I want to know what I have now.. lol..

So today is my last day without much restriction, I am going to think long and hard about what I might indulge in before going on the liquids and mushys again.. Dammit!!!
Lastnight, I was eating my and peanut soup (hubby's african dish) YUM... and got that tight feeling where my band is.. I stood up and stretched around , gave my chest a light gorrilla style tap, and even leaned over the sink, in case of a vomit, but after only a couple of minutes, the pain was gone.. Although I love that dish, I dont know if I want to risk it again.. Might have to leave that one for a chew and spit..LOL

One thing that I have found that I really like since being banded is Avocado... I used to hate it..Whats up with that?? and its the same with cottage cheese. Has anybody found that they like something now that they never used to???