Why is it that I can easily chow down on a pie or sausage roll, and still feel like another one, when I try to start the day with a simple figgin boiled egg, and feel it causing me discomfort?? I thought I would start today by being good, with just a cup of tea and a bit of protien (i.e a boiled egg) although the discomfort gradually went away, I was peeved that something healthy and good for me can get stuck, but all the bad shit just slides on through.. I know I need to use a little more willpower, and although most days I have been good, it's just that I know that today at work, I will be faced with that bloody pie oven. Sausage rolls, pasties, cottage pies, steak bacon and cheese pies, smokey dogs.. and the list goes on.. My goal for today is NOT to cave in to the beautiful aroma of those bad bad bad food choices. Although my portions are a little smaller with having 3mls in my band, I just feel like its still not enough.. So I will go back in to see the nurse next week, and get another .5ml added.. I am determined to get the wheels rolling on this bus of lard again..
You see, having lost the girst 16-20kgs quite fast, set me up to thinking that it would be like this the whole way through, and in no time, I would be at my goal weight.. well obviously it isnt the way the cookie crumbles, and my weightloss has slowed.. having only lost a kg in 5 weeks, its got me feeling a little pissed off with myself. But, I'm gonna build a bridge and get my tubby ass over it, and TRY not to make any bad choices today..
Oh, I have kicked the soccer ball another 2 times since the first, and it feels great, I am running after the ball chasing it all over the field.. however, after the first day of doing it, I woke the next morning with god awful pains in my leg muscles.. Muscles that I didnt realised i had or even would use just by jogging about and kicking a bloody ball. But it is all worth it when I see the excitement and pride on my sons face when his friends come over to the park to join in. His mum is actually playing.. something that I doubt he would have ever thought possible, hell, I never even thought it possible.
HABITS.. why is it that when I go to the shops to look for something to wear, I still go for the largest size on the rack?, only to realise that it's now too big... I now no longer even like what the plus sizes range have to offer. I used to just buy things because they fit, and if they fit me well, and looked even remotely any good, I would buy one in every colour. Perhaps the lower in sizes I get, the fussier I get.. I have been in plus sizes for as long as I can remember. I am longing to walk into a dress shop, any dress shop, and just pick something out because I like it, and not have to stand there and stretch it over the front of my body to make sure it reaches both sides of my hips, so make sure it fits. (you know what I mean). Also why is it that slim clothes are so much cheaper that fat clothes... I guess because they use a whole lot less fabric in them. City Chic, although a great shop, has gone way to far with their pricing, I have a gift voucher for $70 and have gone in to use it on several occasions, and found that even a simple top, is now priced at $120.. I cannot justify spending that much on something that I will eventually shrink through.. not only that, their winter fashion is shit at the moment.
Well I have had my rant this morning, and spoken all kinds of crap that have nothing to do with the topic before it.. but i got it all off my chest, thats the main thing.