Friday, August 28, 2009

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Well it has been 6 months and 30 days since being banded, and although my goal was to have lost 30kg by 6 months, I am quite pleased with myself that I just might acheive this loss for my 7th month bandiversary.. So, this week, I am friends with my band, and even when I have a PB, I find myself thanking it.. Since my fill on Monday, my appettite hasnt been as big, and even my food choices are better.. and its showing on the scales.. This morning I weighed 117.2kg... I am waiting for it to say 116.6kg.. then I will be excited, which will then make it a total of 30kg loss...
I know that other bandsters that were banded around the same time as me, may have lost more, but for me.. I am proud of my acheivement, as it is really and realisticaly the best I can have done.. I have not lived by a strict diet and exercised myself into the ground, I enjoy life , as I would have before, however the quality of life that I have now is soo much better. It was only yesterday that I was thinking that at the beginning of this year I weighed 146.6kgs... Holy Snappin Duck Shit!!!
I dug myself the biggest hole in being so depressed and insecure, and being unable to be physical with my children and even my hubby.. I got to the point of never wanting to get out of bed in the morning, because I was too embarrased to be seen.. As for clothes shopping.. I was too embarassed to even look at the smaller (regular sized) clothing shops, and even the plus sized shops were a real search within.. When you get to a point where you'll buy anything that fits, whether you like it or not, its depressing.. I would even look in maternity sections of clothing.. and if I was wearing a top from that section, I would just stick it all out and act pregnant.. Oh the shame... I really cant believe I am telling this, and opening up about it.. But I guess it's better out than in..
Now, even with this much weight down, I still have some of those insecurities, and even though I fit into some of the clothing in the "regular sized" clothing stores, I feel like people will be looking at me, as if I dont belong there.. Will I ever feel like I belong there??
As I get undressed for my shower each night, I look at my reflection, I mostly see what more I have to lose, not how much I have lost... But I guess it is only human nature or should I say "female nature" to look for imperfections in ourselves.

There is a young girl (aged about 12) that comes into our store.. Every day she buys ice creams, chocolates, coke etc.. and out she wobbles from the shop... This girl is very overweight.. now in saying this next statement I am not trying to be nasty but it is the best explanation... She not only has a muffin top, but its a whole damn cake top... She is a very sweet girl, and the saddest part if that I can see the path she is on.. I often get so tempted to speak to her parents about putting her on a healthy eating plan.. But then it isnt my place to speak up and put my nose in.. I just know that when that girl starts high school next year, she is going to cop a real rough time.. and if I could save someone from going through that I really would.

After typing this post so far, I notice that my subjects are really quite random, but then thats how my mind is working lately.. all over the bloody show.. I feel really restless, and know not what I want to do. I feel like I should be doing something, but have no idea what..
My hives have gone, thank god, and my thigh is still tender from the anti-histimene, but all in all.. i think things will be ok..
xx Nene

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

THE BITCH WHO ROBBED OUR STORE

Just thought I would share with you... again.. the rotten bitchs pic.. on the left is the comfit that I did with the police, and the right is actually a facebook picture that I found of her, when I found out her name... Ohh, the wonders of facebook.. lol I will add that it is actually a good pic of her, because I had never really seen her in makeup, and with her hair down.. and after all this time of trying to think of where I have known her from, or thought her familiar... She worked at the local KFC for a couple of years... Duhhh!!! (my pre band days)

NOT SO GLAMOUROUS PICS (HIVES)

Now you can see why I dont often venture out without make up on.. lol.. I woke this morning with Hives all over me.. the itching is driving me insane.. the pics below are hidious.. but, we're all friends.. so I'll share them with you.
Ewww, not a good look..


Ignore the tatoo, it was a silly thought at age 18...

Just cant stop scratching... arrggghhh
I went to the doctors after taking these pics, and he said that it looked alot like an allergic rection to something... But I havent changed or eaten anything different for this to happen, then when I explained the stress that I have been under (i.e. the robbery)... he said it would be "Stress Hives".... yay for me ... NOT!!!
Maybe the fact that I am not usually a stressfull person, this has really taken its toll...
In any case, the stupid bitch was caught, she had the audacity to come back to the outside of our shop to use the public phone box outside of it on Saturday afternoon.. I wasnt even supposed to be at the shop, but as our plans were cancelled, I decided to go up to the shop to get some milk and have a quick chat with mama.. As i walked out of the shop I saw her boyfriend walking into the phone box, and then she followed him, but was avoiding my stare.. Sooo, after shaking like hell, and running back into the shop to tell my parents to call the police, I threw up and wobbled and shook some more before they left and the police turned up... I went down to the station to make another statement, and they told me they were pretty sure they had a picture of this girl on file, but I would need to identify her on a photo board.. they also warned me that the pic is a few years old, so I would need to look hard.. And who did I see... that farkin bitch... Soo, to cut a long story short.. they went to her house that night and arrested her.. the house was full of alcohol bottles, however she claimed to have done this crime for food.. , What a crock of shit!!!!
In any case, she has only committed petty crimes in the past, and the police seemed to think that she would get bail. BUT she is NOT allowed into our shop or near me. She lives only 800 meters away from the freakin shop dammit..I still cringe every time that door buzzer goes off, and even though dad has beefed up security in the shop with high quality cameras and stuff, I half expect every second person to have a knife or gun in their hand.. How do I get past this??
On a more pleasant note, I went for a fill yesterday as I had only lost 1 kg in the month between visits, and I was not happy with that.. so I got another 1/4 ml fill which brings me back up to 2mls. And yes, I have fantastic restriction.. I couldnt even finish my healthy choice mini meal.. and thats saying something.. And I was super excited to read this morning on the scales that I am now down to 117.3kg... when yesterday it was 118.5kg... aaarrrgghhh... but I'm happy with that..
My new goal is to get down to 100kg by christmas.. and with this kind of restriction, i am sure I will make it..
Ok, well thats enough from me..
xx Nene


Saturday, August 22, 2009

NEW PIC

This is my new top/dress that I bought from Big W... I love the bright colours in it.. I wear it with fitted bootleg black pants or tights.. Soo comfy..(weight 118.6kg)

Friday, August 21, 2009

CRAZY SCARY WEEK

I havent blogged as much as I should have been but have been a little pre-occupied.. You see, On tuesday at work I was held up at knifepoint... By a FEMALE!!! I was at work, doing my thing, filling the spare pie oven out the back kitchen and heard the door buzzer go off.. I walked out to serve, and was greeted with a female trying to disguise herself by going hunchback style and putting the back of her shirt up over the top of her head, her forehead kept it there, whilst with one hand she held the collar over the bottom of her face and with her other hand she held something out towards me, At first I nervously giggled, because I recognized the face and asked her what she wanted, and then had to lean back a little to see what was being thrust so close to my face that I couldnt focus on it... It was a HUGE knife. I realised that she meant business, and she repeated that she wanted the money... With my eyes focussing from the knife back to her eyes in disbelief, I opened the cash register, and tipped it up over the Envirobag (you know the ones that all the supermarkets are trying to sell you instead of using their plastic bags) that she had already placed on the counter. The coins went everywhere, only a few went in the back, and she kept saying all of it. I was shaking so much that I kept fumbling and finally cleared the till of money, and then she casually turned around and put the knife in her bag and fixed her shirt u and walked out.. meanwhile I am shitting myself that she may come back in, and called 000 (911) and locked the shop door... was dry reaching, and screaming and crying at this piont, because it had sunk in what had just happened..
Long story shortened..I am now very angry that, that bitch came into our store and made me feel the way I felt.. I have never been so scared.. All I could think of was please dont hurt me, I've got my kids at home.
I have done a com-fit crime photo with the police, but I feel that it isnt close enough to her likeness.. although I could pick her out of a crowd of 1000 people.. its just alot harder to put a face together when choosing, a set of eyes, lips, noses, face shapes... etc. Its so frustrating.
I went back to work the next day (wednesday) and trembed every time the door buzzer went off.. but i know that I cant let her get the better of me..

On the subect of weight loss.. I am getting a little pissed with this whole band thing... I have been exercising, ok, not every day ( my life is hectic at the moment) but certainly enough to make a difference... my band seems a little tighter, and yet, I dont weigh any less...I want to start seeing some improvements... dammit. I have even been making better food choices...

Thats all from me for now.. gotta get ready to get to work..
xx Nene

Friday, August 14, 2009

SKINNY FINGERS OR WISE COMPANY??

I dont know if it my weightloss or the do-it-yourself hair colour company has gotten a little wiser and made the complimentary plastic gloves in a more generous size.. Lastnight I pulled out the hair die to cover these ever growing grey hairs that my head seems to be sprouting more and more rapidly with every regrowth.. I took off all my ring as not to tear the gloves, and then braced myself for a fight to get the silly plastic gloves on that usually split as soon as I slide my chunky fingers into it.. However, I was pleasantly surprised and even a little shocked to see just how easily they slid on, and as thin as they were, didnt even split.. Hmmm, is it me or the company?? Well I'm gonna take it and run with it, and think that it might be me.. i mean my rings spin around constantly anyway.. When I go to give customers their change, they think they're getting a precious gem too, coz my stones on my rings are always on the inside of my hand.. Oh well it looks pretty either way..
Tonight, my friend Wendy is coming over for a BBQ and some cocktails before we head out for a boogie.. I cant wait, as this is what I now see as a super enjoyable form of exercise.. And I know that I wil definately have enough happy juice in my system to think I should be on So You Think You Can Dance... LOL... oh the magic of alcohol...
I am however bracing myself for a wicked hangover, as i dont seem to be able to deal with the aftermath like I used to.. perhaps because back in the day I became immune to the effects of alcohol.. So I have taken Saturday off work, but to make up for it, I have to do the whole shift on Sunday.. 6am-7pm... aaarrrggghhhhh!!! but its all good, it should be worth it.
Will keep you posted...
xx Nene

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

UPDATE

I started work at 6am this morning, worked till 1:30pm , came home, had lunch and went to the gym.. I am very tired now, but I feel really good.
I went to the gym on Monday, did cardio for 45 mins and skipped yesterday as Ayisha has a dose on conjunctivitis and couldnt go to daycare, so I went today.. It is my intention to go 4-5 days per week.. I stated out saying I want to go 6 days per week, but to be realistic, I just dont have the time to keep up that routine.. As it is I am struggling to find a good time slot to scoot off to the gym, not forgetting my "lapband appointments".. I actually havent been in 3 weeks, and am thinking that I will have to go back to going fortnightly again. I need that frequent kick in the ass and pep talk.
On the week end, hubbys friend came over and we had a bbq.. It was fun, we had the music playing and he and the kids were all dancing.. I kept being dragged up to dance, and it was deffinately fun and dance-able music, but I got too self concious..Will I always be this way?? I soo wish I wasnt.. I dont want to come across as a party pooper.. I'm not.. But I guess I just dont feel comfortable to dance when I am sober.. not that I am a bad dancer, Well I dont think I am.. But... ohh I dont know.. Ohh and not that I have a drinking problem either... LOL.. But is the self conciousness from my weight or deeper self confidence issues??? I know its a question that only I can answer, but I really dont know. I guess because I have always been bigger than those around me, it has slightly affected my confidence.. I really do have to work on it.. But then again, it depends on who I am around as to how high or low my confidence is...
I know this is all boring boring boring. I'm just rambling.. I really hope that now I am getting this exercise thing underway, the weight will start to come off again.. I find that if I go to the gym that day, my eating choices are much healthier.. its a good thing..
I have also discovered that Woolworths have a pre packed do it yourself ceasar salad pack in the fruit and vege section.. I have had one for lunch for the last 2 days.. Its a good feeling getting full on something healthy and not full of fat.
As for the chocolates.. I have laid off them lately too.. maybe I just ate too many and got sick of them..
Oh well I'll luv ya's and leave ya's for now..
Best of Luck Nola, for your move, Shaggs, stop bloody shopping, and post a blog and some damn pics... Amy Amy Amy... I'm gonna strive to have your flexibility... these skinny bitches at the gym aint gonna have nothin on us :) And Bel... cant wait to see you when you come to Brissy... By the way, what date is it again??
xx Nene
Oh and by the way I weighed 119.2kg this morning.. Hope its in the 118s tomorrow.. I want to get far enough away from the bastard 120s...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

HI ALL

So yesterday, I didnt have any problems eating my 9grain and pumpkin seed toast for breakfast with my cup of tea, but this morning I couldnt get through my first piece without the dreaded painfull feeling in my cleavage depths..followed by a lean over the sink and a good ol spit up.. In between customers I remind you... Ohh the glamour..Ohh the pain, and ohh the annoyance..
Does it not shit you to tears when you get geared up to enjoy a meal of some sort, and after only a bite it is causing you grief....This also happened to me a couple of weeks ago when I ordered a Nasi Goreng take out, and it smelled so damn good, looked so good, and tasted the best that I have had from anywhere... one mouthfull of magic, two mouthfulls of magic, then... PAIN.... then racing to the bathroom and heaving.. but you know what... it even tasted good coming back up... Ohhh YUK , I know it sounds bad...then I had to come to work, and thought longingly about my nasi goreng for the rest of the damn day..
I did go home that night and try again... and I was able to get some down...
But how many of you get really dissapointed when you cant get into the meal you set out to have??? Even though it caused a heap of pain and maybe a PB...
I mean sometimes i am glad that some things make me throw up, the bad things that I shouldnt be eating..
Oh well, thats all my rambling for today..

xx Nene

Friday, August 7, 2009

STINKY CUSTOMERS AND ROUGH GAMES

I swear, half the customers that come in here of a morning, must wake up, scratch their ass or balls, and think to themselves.. Lets go and buy a packet of smokes from the corner shop and knock the girl out with our rotten breath whilst we're at it.... I have worked in retail for so long that I have gotten to the point, where I am almost tempted to tell them to go home, wash their face and brush their farkin teeth before talking to me.. It's just sick.. really, I think I have smelt fresh dog shit that had a better aroma than half these peoples breath... And then there is the ones who obviously dont bathe..men and women... Now in the cooler weather I can understand that some dont bathe as frequently, HOWEVER when you get to be a lil on the stank side, its time to lather the hell up...
There is one lady (maybe aged about 50 ish), she wobbles (slight walking defect) through the door of our shop, breathing heavily, dressed in the same clothes that she has worn since we took over this shop on April 1... I dread her custom.. Although I am nice to her (everyone deserved to be treated equally) BUT my patience is wearing really thin.. as she leaves the store, I breath out a huge gasp and race for the OUST room spray and air santiser... I can only imagine the stench that the summer will bring..

Lastnight my son had his last football training session.. and when I say last, I mean last.. I will not let him join again next year.. I doubt he wants to anyway.. in training lastnight he was head butted in the face and tackled hard to the ground by the biggest boy in his team.. resulting in a cut lip, a sore front adult tooth and sore back and legs... This is all too much.. his final game is this sunday morning, which isnt as dangerous as the training because Montel rarely gets the ball in a game, as he gets a bit nervous and throws in straight away without any real action...
I dont want my baby hurt so young in life... Soo, he would like to take guitar lessons and do Little Athletics.. I prefer this too.. although the guitar thing might drive me a lil crazy.. But it keeps him safe..
Another thing is, Montel lacks confindence.. Perhaps this is my fault, as I really havent been all that confident in life either.. I gave him a little pep talk this morning on the way to school when he pointed out to another child and said"he is the best runner" "he is really good". I told him that he is the best runner in my eyes, and he needs to believe in his own ability to be the best runner and might even be able to beat this other boy if he just believes in himself... I also said that when he gets a new game and cant get past the first level, he keeps trying untill he can win the whole thing, I said that the same thing goes with anything he wants to acheive... Just keep trying... He got out the car smiling, and ran so fast into school... I love my little man.. He really is such a gentle and sweet personality..Where as Princess/Diva Ayisha, she is a whole other story.. LOL... she will argue every point, stand up to the biggest bully, and not back down to anyone.. And even likes to point out that mama has a broken booby... (refering to my inverted nipple) Oh the shame..
BUT, I wouldnt change them for the world. So therefore I must keep them safe... No more football..(rugby league)

xx Nene

Thursday, August 6, 2009

THE GYM & HANGOVERS DONT MIX

Ohhh lordy, Do I have a hang over today... my head is pounding, my eyes look like the roadmaps of denmark..my tongue feels like unvaccumed, partied on carpet, I have used alot of my mobile phone credit (drunk texting), YES, I got myself shit-faced lastnight, Drinking Vodka and Midori with sprite... A nip of each in the glass and topped up with ice and sprite... Soooo not a good idea..
Who gets drunk on a Wednesday night??? well... Me... I work 6 days a week, and my day off falls on a thursday, so that was good enough reason for me to woop it up a little.
Hubby arrives home to his already sozzled wife, with a look of confusion on his face.. WHY? is my wife drinking in the week?? I stumbled over to him and give him a slurred "welcome home honey"... lol...
I was in bed by 9:30pm, and was trying to stop the damn room from spinning.. It mustn't have lasted long, coz I dont remember much about being in bed long before sleep came...

In any case, I got up this morning with the symptoms as listed above, took some paracetamol, and weighed myself... 119.1kg... (some improvement).. then after dragging myself around the house, getting Montel off to school, It was time for my orrientation at the gym...
I got there early, which is just as well, because the personal trainer started early, and did nothing but mtalk to me about her own fitness and swimming acheivements in life... (excuse me, but I am hung over, and want to crawl back home to bed, please dont chew my ears off by blowing your own trumpet).... Good for her, but this was supposed to be about me and my goals..
Soo, it was supposed to be a double appointment, going over cardio and strength, but in the time of the double appointment, she barely got through the cardio.. I told her I had to leave and get my daughter before she ate our shop out of lollies.. aaarrrggghhhh... e.i shut the fuck up!!!!!
So there you have it... I have joined the gym, I have lost a smiggin of weight overnight whilst annhialating myself on alcohol.. good times....lol
xx Nene

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

OLD PICS of ME

Me at age 19 with my mama and dad... Love my parents.. they're the best..
Me and my sis... aged 19 sis is 2 years older than me..

Me with my nephew (think I was about 17 or 18 there)


When I first met hubby (20)



Montel and me (aged about 23-24ish)





Hello All

Still not a whole lot to report. Checked the scales this morning.. and they read 119.6kg , which means that in the fortnight since my last visit to the doc, I havent lost anything.. and have infact gained .3kg.. I cant friggen win.. But I am the first to admit, that my eating habbits have been up to shit again.. And alot of that falls under the excuse of lack of time to prepare anything healthy and hearty..Chocolate has become a good (poisonous) friend of mine, and I plan to get rid of it's influence and slack friendship.. Why oh why do the schools and daycares want us parents to sell friggen fundraiser chocolates for them???? How about we just call them Weightraiser Chocolates.. Sooo, out of a box of 48 chocolates, we have sold 22 of them.. and guess who the buyer has been??? (raises hand)... ME!!! I am a self sabotager... my goodness gracious me... I somehow need to learn to deal with this head hunger... I know that is 75% of my problem now..
I also realise that when I eat or prepare my plate or bowl, I serve myself a bigger portion that i need or can fit in, just to see how much I can get in... STUPID STUPID STUPID... I am constantly testing my limits.. I am writting all this down, so I can out myself to you all, and you can all kick my ass... PLEASE!!!!
I have however in the last morning or 2 began to serve myself up a smaller bowl of cereal than usual and I find that I am satisfied at the end of it... So I have been eating the bigger portions just because they are there and I want it finished... Yup, thats me, Dumb asss.....
Also lately I have lost the feeling of having lost any weight at all.. I have been very self concious when dressing for the day... very critical of myself.. Its almost like I expect my weight to continue to rise the way it used to.. I know it wont, because I now have the band, and all you bloggers to support me.. I get more support from you all than any one around me.. Why? Because you all can relate to the ups and downs of being banded.. I luv you all girls..
Now for those of you that arent on my facebook, I will add some OLD pics of myself...all different sizes.. and hair colours... lol ohh and the bad dress senses... have a good giggle..
xx Nene

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

SHORT POST

Hi all, havent forgot to post, just dont have a lot to post about.. not losing any weight at the mo.. which sucks.. am sick of the stopping and starting...
I was supposed to do my gym orrientation last week but couldnt coz my kids were sick, so i am booked in for this thursday.. I am not due to go back for another fill for another 2 weeks, but I am going to try to get in next week.. I want it tightened..
xx Nene