I dont know what it is with me lately.. I cant seem to drag myself out of this emotional slump.. some call it depression, but when I think "depression", I picture a jobless, stinking tv watching slob, sitting down scoffing high fat, high sugar stuff.. chain smoking ciggarettes and so forth... Thats not me... BUT, I do feel like sleeping alot, even to the point of not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings.. Usually, I am up and into it and getting ready for my day, but i seem to be dragging myself out and sitting on the couch for half hour before even attempting to fix myself up for work.. I lose my tempter a little too easily at my kids, or sometimes go the other way and just let them have their way for the sake of peace and quiet for my sanity..To be honest, I wish I could dissapear (not a suicidal way) but just escape and not have to deal with general everyday life for a while. I said this to my mum, and she told me that at age 30 she went through a similar train of thought, and it should pass.. But she also said "you're losing weight, looking good, getting a new car, things are good for you, so try to cheer up"... Yeah if only it was that easy.. material things are unimportant to me.. if someone said I'll give you $50,000 to cheer the hell up, I simply couldnt.. Although I wish I could. I do know that this emotional brain fart will pass, as I have had them before, but I just wish I didnt get them of ever feel this way.. My son was laughing and telling me a story the other morning, and I looked at his beautiful smile, and wished that I could share in his excitement.. At times like this, i think my kids deserve a better mother..
Emotionally, my hubby isnt there for me, so I guess this is my way of venting to you guys.. please dont think me strange..
As for my band.. after I was unfilled and down to only 1ml restriction, I went hell for leather on the week end for food.. I was able to eat so much more, and at the time it was good, however, afterwards I felt like crap.. it's amazing how much more in tune you are with your body after not being able to stuff it with crap after all this time.. I was happy to get my fill again yesterday and am now back up to 2mls.. I do think that i may need a tiny tiny bit taken out.. it still is kind of hard to eat. When will I ever find my "happy medium" (I dont mean Shaggs, lol, I mean my sweet spot)..
Well I'm not a whole bundle of excitement with this post, so I'll end here for now..