Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Last post for 2009

Yesterday I got myself ready for work, and packed myself lunch and snacks, which was an assortment of fruit, and shredded chicken.. All with the good intention of trying to behave on the food front.. Well I started out ok, I had myself a bowl of cereal (a little too big in portion) but healthy.. I thought I was doing well , feeling full till mid morning, I was so hungry tht I could have eaten a horse and chased the bloody rider. Then I spied my fave naughty food.. The chicken and broccoli pie in that bastard asshole pie oven... looking all teasingly at me with it poppy seeds on top.. So instead of going out back to fetch me some cut up melon to munch on, I instead go out back, grab a plate and back to the dreaded oven, and fetch me that pie... Ohhh the guilt.. I felt guilty right away, even before letting it touch my lips.. But I was beyond help. So today I am not going to TRY today, I am just going to concentrate on other things and try to make the best choices.. I will give you an example.. I have been a smoker for a long time. Not a heavy smoker, just the odd 2-3 per day.. Many people have said "If thats all you have, then it should be easy to give up".. but in truth, if i didnt have those 2 or 3 per day I would lose my freakin mind... HOWEVER.. in the last 3 weeks, I am pretty much given up, and not by intention either, I just dont feel like it anymore.. I do however carry a packet in my bag, in case the feeling arises that I might like a social or stress reliever, but when it gets to that point, I might just think to myself that I have come this far, I just dont need it. You see, I have always hated the smell of smoke, hated me smelling like it, so even when I was to have one I would brush my teeth, wash my hands, spray myself all over with perfume.. It's so good not having to worry about it anymore. And it was even tested on christmas day when I had more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages, even my sister asked me if I was going to go outside for a smoke, and I declined.. Heck, I usually make like a chimney when having a drink.. but not anymore. BUT I am not game not to have them in my bag for fear that I might want them because they are not there. It's kind of like a comforter.. and I am hoping to do something similar with food.. somehow.
Today is my day off, and as I have been working over the school holidays, I have decided that whilst Ayisha goes to daycare to farewell her Bestest friend in the whole world ( she calls him her man).. lol... I am going to have mother son time, and take Montel to see the Chipmunks Movie and possibly go to sizzler.. He has already asked me if we can take the young boy next door, I asked him if it's not cool for him to come out with mama.. he said it is, but he just wants a friend to come.. But to be honest, the problem with that is, I just cant afford to be taking the neighborhood kids.. and I cant very well say to their mum, "Oh we are going to lunch and the movies, your son can come if you pay for him".. I think I would look very rude and uncooth.. lol... But things these days arent cheap, and I'm not living on top of a pot of gold..

What is everyones plan for New Years Eve? We have a friend with an apartment in the city, with very good views of where the fireworks will be, so we will be taking up the invite to go and hang there for the night.. I wanted to rent a room in the city, have a nice romantic night and all, but when I mentioned this to hubby some 2 months ago, he said we should put the money towards other things, so I got myself all pissed off, and didnt book it, then lastnight we were driving along, and he had the hide to ask which hotel it was that we were staying in for New Year... I SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE PUNCHED HIM!!!

Anyway, whatever it is that you all do for New Year, I wish you love and safety.. I thank you all for following my blog, and your support throughout my first 11 months of being banded. I also thank those of you who do blog, and have shared your life with me and many others, it makes the "journey" ( I dont like to use that term though) so much easier.. I cant imagine not having anyone to vent with and share ideas.. You all are wonderful..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Lots of Love
xx Nene

Sunday, December 27, 2009

XMAS PICS

My Babies with their Santa Hats
A Blurry view of our Boxing Day dinner setting (Read post below for the full story)

Our little visitor (read post below for story)


Isnt he/she just the cutest..



Our tree before the unwrapping onslaught..





Full BUT Not Satisfied...

First let me start by saying that I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, as I did here.. the kids were overjoyed with their gifts from "santa"..and was a happy day in general.. quite laid back in fact. We had friends over for a breakfast of croissants, fruit platter, strawberry's dipped in chocolate...Sausages, bacon, eggs cooked on the bbq.. (very aussie huh..lol) as most bandsters are, I am usually quite restricted in the mornings, so with waking at 5:30am, and not having breakfast untill around 9, it wasnt too bad.. I was able to eat a bit.. although not as much as I would have liked...but I was ok with it... then moving on to my parents house in the afternoon, there was a feast of roast lamb, roast pork, potato salad, fresh salad with coutons and smoked kransky in it (I made this salad, it should be called Bitsa Salad, coz it's got bitsa this and bitsa that in it :) then there was corn, and other salad sides etc... Once again, I didnt over indulge, but probably because of the fact that my stomach was full of vodka cruiser bubbles... I think I had consumed about 8 of those tasty beverages throughout the day.. I was even suprised that I wasnt intoxicted.. BONUS!! By the time it was time for desert, I was ready to go home, I wasnt about to tackle the fruit flan, or fruit mince pies and custard, or christmas cake... I was fooded out for the day.. All in all, it was a great day though..
Boxing Day.. another nice day, we drove up to Woodford (to check out all the hippies, venturing on to the Woodford Folk Festival, as we do most boxing days) and stopped at a park to have some hot chips for a snack.. I had only a few before getting stuck, so I got up and walked Ayisha over to have a squat & pee under a tree.. By the time I got back to my seat, we had a little visitor..and I know it wasnt there when I was sitting there, because I had dusted the seat off before sitting at the table... The visitor was the most adorable little Green Tree Frog.. all shiny and pulsating.. sitting happily on the bench next to hubby.. Luckily I had the camera in the car so I set to work taking the little stars piccies.. Soo cute..
Then for our boxing day dinner, we drove into the city (west end) to our favourite Indonesian restaurant and got take away, this time my parents were following, and tried out fave food too.. We picked the food up and drove over to Kangaroo Point (City Look Out).. we were lucky enough to find a park and a table to sit at.. It was so beautiful to overlook the city whilst eating dinner.. So it was a superb Boxing Day too...
Now to explain my heading "Full but not satisfied" to you.. today, I have been picking at foods all day.. I am full, but dont feel satisfied with what I have eaten.. Almost like I would try to eat something else as full as I feel, just because I was that flavour in my mouth, or want to chew something of that consistancy... All day long, I have been grazing on bad bad bad foods.. 2 small bowls of ice cream, a packet of Salt & Vinegar chips, a few random snack size chocolates left over from a gift box of cadbury celebrations... an oven baked dinner roll that I PB'd on.. a small bowl of Cheerios cereal... none of it has hit the spot for me.. I am at the point that I feel so full that I physically couldnt eat another thing, but I WANT something else, dont know if it's salty or sweet, hot or cold...... I do know one thing is for sure.. I am getting tightened up as soon as I can in the first week of New Year.. Time to get serious..
My weightloss has gone to hell in a handbasket, and I must do something about it. Exercise is a must, or I will forever have these tuckshop lady arms, and inner thighs that look like a tub of melting lard..Oh, and just when I didnt think my titties could shrink any more... blow me down, they have.. I wouldnt mind having tiny perky titties if I had the body to match, but not these that looked like a sucked mango seed thats been hung to dry in a sock.. TRAGIC.
Anyway.. I've got to get ready for work.. dammit.. watch the news to see if I dont get arrested for throttling our sunday staff member.. Ohh it's a long story... and one that would almost be worth getting arrested for.. Long story... must think happy thoughts...
xx Nene

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas Pic

Standing next to my xmas table of Hampers in our shop.... Thought I'd wear something with the xmas colours in it.. bit wild.. lol
xx Nene
By the way, I fit into my sz 18 pants this morning.. Woo Freakin Hoo and the top is an L

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

MEMORIES OF CHRISTMAS PAST..

I thought I would dedicate this post to Christmas, since it may be the last entry I make before 25th Dec..With christmas day drawing near, I am just as excited as my kids.. I cant wait to give them their presents, so they will have something to do, and keep out of my hair for a while.. lol.. Oh but i do love them to death, but Mama just needs a lil time out some times.. In saying that they are excited is one thing, but the fact remains that they will still sleep in long enough for me to have to wake them up, by screaming... Santa's Been!!!!! Santa's Been!!!!! Come Quick!!!!!!!!... whilst they lay there rubbing their eyes and stretching, before figuring out what their crazy mum is on about... I guess the reason that they sleep in (beyond 6am, which is as late as I let it go on xmas morn.) is because they lay in bed with their eyes wide open till late, trying to catch Santa..
Heck, I used to dive under the sheets, and cover my head and hands over my ears coz I didnt want to see or hear the big chubby man in the red suit... Hell no, he could just leave his goodies for me under the tree and ride his reindeer right on out of there, as far as I was concerned.. I was a real scaredy cat..
Back to the story... this year, as in previous years, I will no doubt have to wake my two little angels up, and race them out to the tree, where they will be greeted with the biggest mountain of presents... Silly me, thought it would be better to get the gifts bought early this year before the last minute rush... Ha!! what a load of rubbish that turned out to be.. I started months ago, and have kept friggin buying.. right up until yesterday.. and that was all because I did a count of how many presents each child had..and shit shit shit... Montel had more than Ayisha.. a whole 7 more..Sooo, of I went, back to the shops to even the tally.. Ayisha is 2 down on Montel, but I am quite honestly over the whole christmas rush at the shops.. I thought that at this time of year, people would be friendly and smiling, etc... Well not in my neck of the woods... these people have turned into the most miserable mongrels around.. Trolley rage, road rage, car park rage, check out que rage... A whole lotta angry people, and for what?!?!?! All in all, I have spent an absolute fortune, but it will all be worth it to see the smiles on my childrens faces..
Remembering back to christmases of my childhood, I remember waking up at the crack of a sparrows fart, and waiting and counting the minutes before we could wake mum and dad to be able to open our presents. One very memorable present was a newborn baby doll that had a penis.. I reckon I studied that dolls anatomy for the whole of the christmas holidays.. (for my US friends and followers, we get 6 weeks off school over the christmas)..Perhaps thats where my fascination for those things started.. LMAO... Another fantastic memorable present was my JEM doll.. She was the rockstar barbie style doll with flashing light earrings.. She had pink hair.. and she was hot... I would quite often grab the can of my sisters hairspray and sing into it... my sister who is 2 years older than me, used to use alot of hairspray because she would tease her fringe and style it like a wave across the front of her head... I was so envious of how it looked, and I could never get mine as good as hers.. Sooo, back to christmas...
My sister, myself, and our friends in our street (lots of kids of random ages) used to go round and sing carols on peoples front lawns.. I think we had more people shoo us away than listen to us.. so later on we would go and rock their roof (i.e. throw rocks in their roof)... so naughty.. lol.. wonder if thats why there's so many grumpy bastards at the shops these days.. they being kept awake from their roof being rocked... LOL
Mum and dad used to always put on a nice big BBQ, and mums twin brother used to come with his wife and kids.. presents would be exchanged, uncle Michael would raid the Chocolate and Lolly Dish, and we would try to look greatfull and happy with the crap that they bought for us.. My nan would be there, eating up all the meat, and watching everyone like a hawk to make sure they didnt eat what she was eyeing off.... Mum getting tipsy, swirling around her glass of wine, occasionally letting some spill, Dad, also getting tipsy, sitting there giggling, and nudging mum for no apparent reason.. LMAO.. they were both not big drinkers, so to see them getting tipsy was hilarious, although not at the time.. My sister and I would get angry at them for drinking.. god knows why..

I love the fact that you can wake on christmas morning, and eat a chocolate or a candy cane, and it's OK, because it's christmas.. Guzzle down soft drink all day, why not it's Christmas... graze on non-nutritious food all day long... it's alright, coz the chubby man was here the night before..

I think this year, I'm gonna have to tell the kids that Santa is on a diet.. he just doesnt eat as much as he used to, so when they leave him something out, they should be mindfull of that.. perhaps a vodka and a few cashews..

I have just realised that this post is all over the place, as I have been spilling it out in between customers. Oh well it just shows you a little something different.

So this Christmas, after I wake my babies.. open presents, I will be left to tidy up the paper, whilst hubby puts in batteries and reads instructions... then we are having some friends over for a BBQ breakfast.. then hopefully get a little rest time before going to my parents in the afternoon for a christmas dinner of assorted roasted meats, salads, veges, deserts etc.. only now that I am older, I will be getting tipsy too... lol.. and that doesnt take much. I know I will be a little frustrated that I wont be able to get into alot of the fun foods that represent a christmas feast day for me, but I will be greatfull that it means I wont have gained a size over that period too..

Another thought I will leave you with.. right now, I am loving life.. Things in my relationship with my husband are amazingly good.. I dont think I have been this happy in years... I dont think it is the fact that I have lost weight and looking better, I think it is more like .. I am easier to live with, look at life more positively etc... I am even communicating better with him.. which is a big thing for me, after so many years of biting my tongue... I love this band, I love what it has done for me so far.. although in 2010, i am going to kick my own ass into gear and up the anti on my weight loss.. 5 months of my gym membership has just worn away.... time to use it and shine in 2010..
Love you all, and the support you give..
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas
Lots of love
xx Nene

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A FEW HOME TRUTHS

I have just come to the realisation that after a month of tooing and fro'ing on the scales, it has taken me a whole month to lose 1 kg..So I guess it's time to tighten up.. But not before christmas. The surgeon told my sister that if you aren't losing 2kg per month, the band isnt tight enough.. or something along those lines anyway.. I guess, as I have said before, it would shift a lil quicker if I motivated myself and moved my ass a little in the exercise department.

I read Amy's blog this morning and was inspired to address the same subject on my blog today. It's all about habbits and secret self sabotage , pre band.. Like Amy, I too used to drive from Take Away joint to another.. I would stop at Mcdonalds because the kids wanted a happy meal.. There I would get them what they wanted, and get myself a quarter pounder meal, scoff it down before passing the KFC on the way home, and pull in to buy a Twister meal ( foolishly lying to myself that it was the healthy option because it had lettuce and tomato in a wrap) I would then arrive home and sit to eat that second meal with hubby, as if the Mcdonalds one never existed.. Or Subway, once one of my biggest addictions.. When I told my surgeon on my first appointment that I could eat 2 x 12 inch subs he was amazed.. Yes, I would order 2 identicle footlong subs, but then ask for different sauce on one of them to act like one of them was for someone else. I would pull over on the way home and scoff one down before reaching home to sit with the family for our Subway meal. My husband never realised just how much I was eating.. I hid so many pig outs from him. So he thought my weight gain was just from not exercising..

I'm not sure if i have mentioned in my blog about the time that I woke in the night to go and pee (being so overweight meant frequent nightly visits to the toilet), but I was halfway off the bed and collapsed, unable to move because my sciatica (back pain) was ceased. I was in excruciating pain, and was desperate to go to the toilet. The only thing to do was for my husband to call my mum, and then she called the ambulance.. Well once the ambulance arrived, they gave me some pain relief and tried to move me.. with no success, they called for the fire brigade to help them lift me.. I mean I wasnt even at my heaviest by this stage (maybe about 130kgs).. I was mortified that the fire brigade arrived with their lights flashing in the middle of the night, all my neighbors were out front, thinking that there had been some serious problem at my house, only for them to see me being carried out on a stretcher by 6 fucking unfit weakling men.. Hey, I respect the services, but for it to take 6 big men in their line of work to carry me out, is pathetic, and Oh so humiliating.
I was then transported to the hospital, put in a bed in emergency ward, and still busting so badly to pee. I told the nurses that I needed to, and nothing was done.. The later on, mum called to check on me, and asked if i had been able to releive myself, the bitch nurse had the hide to say to my mum that I am too big to be rolled over and put a bedpan under me.. My mum exploded and told her she would take it much further if I wasnt dealth with.
To cut a long story short, I was eventually able to wee, and discharged from hospital in the morning. I found a fantastic physiotherapist, who got me out of pain, and I have never looked back.. Apart from the mortifying turn of events that it took to get me to the hospital. Thats one of my stories from being stupidly overweight. Thankfully the night time pee breaks have stopped.
I am also now trying to work on the confidence thing, so that instead of when someone says "Hey Jennene, you look really good" , I usually say something like "I still got a long way to go"... now I just say "Thank you" .. and take the compliment for what it was. I mean, I know that I still do have a long way to go, but I dont need to highlight the fact, and should just feel good that the person noticed my progress. I guess its all about positivity..
Anyway, once again I best be getting up out the chair and do some work.. Fridges to stock, stinky customers to serve (the summer makes their body odour worse)...oh the joys...
xx Nene

Monday, December 14, 2009

A NEW NUMBER ON THE SCALE

Once again it is TTOTM and my weight is dropping again.. so from a negative comes a positive.. However, since my last losing streak, which got me down to 109.2kg (i think) , I shot back up to 112kg almost overnight.. I could have torn my hair out, as not only did I gain the couple of kgs, but I was back above my 110kg mark... aarrgghhh... anyway... I have been wrestling the temptation not to weight myself every freakin day, and as usual, lost that battle.. but have noticed that in the last week, my weight has been gradually dropping again.. I was most pleasantly surprised this morning to wake and read a new set of digits.. 108.7kg... which now brings my total loss to 37.9kg in 10 months and 16 days..I SOOO want to get to 106.6kg for Christmas which would make my loss 40kg.. So I am going to get my butt into gear and go walking every damn day.. I just cannot let these scales rise again.
I remember when I was laying on the bed in theatre about to be put under anesthetic, and hoping that I could get down to 100kg by Christmas.. I know that isn't going to happen, but heck, I am not too far from it, so I am quite happy about it. Because throughout this whole time I have had the band, I haven't struggled to "change my lifestyle" or lived like I am still strictly dieting. I have enjoyed life. And I do suppose if I had stuck to my dietitians orders of what to eat (protein first and so forth) I would have done better with the loss. But I will mention once again, this isn't a race, and I have the rest of my life to get down to goal. ( A life that will be much longer now that I have shed some serious lard).. However in saying that i think I would be pretty pissed if I get to the end of next year and I am still no closer to goal..
What is my goal??? Hmmm to be honest, I don't really know. When organizing surgery with my doctor, he said I should concentrate on getting down to around 85kg.. However my "textbook goal" is actually 75kg.. I mean come on... I would looking bloody ridiculous at 75kg I'm sure. I would look like a bean pole.
So really, my goal is more clothing oriented. I will be happy to get down to a size 12 ( just did conversion, which is a US sz 8).. And as for the BMI stuff.. I don't care much for that.. I never really understood it, apart from the fact that I was on the dangerous end of that number scale.
I have gone from morbidly obese to now just being at obese (Whoopdee farkin doo) that doesn't mean shit to me.. I don't need that BMI thing pulling my spirits down. Enough said.. lol

Yesterday we drove down to the Gold Coast and went to the Cararra Markets.. and I bought myself a new bra.. It shocked me for a number of reasons.. #1. it was a sz 16c (38c) #2. it was only $6 #3. It fits so good that it doesn't irritate my band site when I sit down for a meal.. I wish I had have bought more.
Another thing, although it was a stinkin hot 36 degrees (96.8F) whilst we were at the markets , I still powered on, yes it was hot, but it didnt get to me.. I wasn't puffing and panting and sweating like a dog. Perhaps one day I will be one of those skinny people that sing from the rooftops how much they LOVE summer... ummm don't know if I could ever go that far.. but i will say it is becoming more bearable.

Band news... this thing is so freaking unpredictable. One day, it is so tight that i have a hard time getting my thick shake down (naughty naughty I know).. I even PB'd it up. Then the next day, I am able to eat a 6 inch subway sub.. I mean WTF!?!?! I will say however that I got the sub double toasted so it was much dryer, so it was easier to crunch on. It took me about 30 minutes to eat too..and it was so damn good. Then again the next day, I go to have a piece of multi grain toast (well toasted) and after one bite, it gets stuck... drives me bonkers. I was tempted to get a tiny bit of fill taken out for xmas, but I'm not now. I just hope that my band is being friendly on xmas day. If not, then it will teach me a lesson not to be a guts... lol

Anyway, I best get my ass out of the seat and find myself some breakfast before the kids wake up and swing into action for the day..
xx Nene

Friday, December 11, 2009

ANOTHER Photo Update

I thought I would take a pic to show you my new dress, and the fact that it is a shorter length dress.. This is a first for me. I have hated my legs for as long as I can remember, and even though I dont love them, I have come to realise that they dont look so bad anymore. I will tell you the story behind this dress.. You see, my nan/grandmother was telling me about this dress that she had bought herself in the hope that she would fit into it after 4 weeks of strict dieting.. My nan is about a size 24 and the dress is a size 16 (Rockmans sz 16).. anyway, she realised after a couple of weeks that she wouldnt make her goal (Bless her) and offered me the dress.. At this stage, I still hadnt seen the dress, and was a little weary of accepting something that I was sure I wouldnt like. (after all, my nan had picked it out) So I was pleasantly surprised when she brought it over and took it out of the bag and I held it up to me.. I thought "It's not something I would buy for myself or even consider trying on in the store, BUT I am so glad I got this off nan. Because now it has opened my eyes to change the cuts that I wear and also get a bit adventurous in trying new styles. And check me out, I have a booty.. LMAO
Hips are still a lil too big for my liking, but I'll get there..
I covered myself in fake tan before I went to bed the night before, and my legs were brown enough not to pass for thick glow sticks.. Hubby even said that my nan has better taste in clothes than me.. Ppfffttt..
Yesterday my band was so tight, I PB'd quite a bit. I was actually out at sizzler, and after only 2 mouthfulls of potato bake, I was off to the bathroom.. I went into the disabled bathroom, for privacy, and to spare everyone from the noises of my PB.. Well you should have seen me.. Arms in the air, slamming my back up against the baby change table that was assembled on the wall.. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and shook my head, I didnt know whether to laugh or cry.. In any case, I found that being thumped in the back and holding my arms in the air, cleared the situation up real good.. I then proceded to go back out to the table after the third bathroom visit and had a bowl of soft serve ice cream.. I was not leaving that place without at least getting my moneys worth out of it.. So all in all, it cost me $15.50 to use their bathroom for a spew and have a bowl of ice cream.. However it was only 2 days prior that I was able to eat almost a whole plate of food there.. I guess thats what happens when you get greedy..
Another thing.. I have been getting the worst possible headaches.. I was up from 2am till 4.30am on thursday morning with a thumper of a headache.. I sat on the floor of the shower and let the hottest water flow over my head, usually this fixes it, but not this time.. I took 2 paracetamol, no pain relief, laid on the couch with a hot wheatbad on my head, still no relief, another shower, followed by some Nurofen (Ibuprofen) and finally some sign of relief.. However, now today (10.10 friday morning) I still have the slight dull ache in the back of my head. Also a bit of dizziness.. I guess i really have to see the doc..
Well i just got a big drink delivery, so i best get to work..
Have a great week end
xx Nene

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Random Chatter

I seem to have found myself with a new issue.. Whilst out with my sister the other day, she brought it to my attention that I seem more insecure of my looks now that before being banded.. My example is that we were walking through a shopping centre and fept toying with my clothing to make sure it wasnt clinging or looking out of place.. I am very self critical, and since Tracey brought this to my attention I have noticed just how much I fidget and twiddle my fingers in front of myself when I walk through a shopping centre. I feel bare naked if I just let my hands drop to my sides...Whats up with that?? I wish I knew. I mean, I feel ok, when I look at my reflection before leaving the house, but I guess I just dont want to be in the spotlight or scrutenized by others.. Will this feeling ever leave me?? Oh I surely hope so.
I was also talking with a fellow bandster (One of my blog followers, whom I was lucky enough to have met) and we were talking about the issue of wondering when enough is enough in regards to once having lost the weight, will we be truely happy in our own skins, or be on the look out for something more we can do to "fix" ourselves. Now, from what i see, Tammy ( this fellow bandster) looks fantastic from my eyes, but she feels that things could be better here or there.. I know we are most critical of ourselves, and tend to find imperfections in ourselves that dont even appear to others.. I wish I could just spend one day loving myself without flaws.. I doubt this will ever happen, and just need to learn to embrace what I have and learn to love it. Easier said than done.. enough of the negative stuff..

On a more positive note.. I have had comments lately that I have gained myself a bum/bottom.. Now usually people would be offended to hear such a comment.. LOL.. but not me.. You see, I have had such a big block ass for as long as I can remember, so to finally have the shape of something that resembles a normal backside is a little exciting.. I'll have to get someone to snap a rear ended pic of me, so i can see it properly for myself. I tried backing myself up to the mirror, but it doesnt quite work.

Another thing.. yesterday my band was really very restrictive, but today I have done nothing but eat.. I guess it also depends on what is being eaten, and the fact that I have been having water crackers with mashed banana wouldnt help keep me full for long.. Thats the one thing about this job that sucks.. I cant sit for a meal without being disturbed.

Oh well, I best be getting back to work, I keep losing my train of thought when I have to get up to serve just when i get an idea of something to tell you all.
Oh, just remembered.. I also have been feeling really crappy lately, mainly at night.. Nausea, a little hot and flushy, dry in the mouth... and very tired... I wonder if I need my iron levels tested.. or if I should take a vitamin, I mean, I couldnt be preggas, I'm on the pill.. could it be early menopause??? hope not.. any ideas?? anyone else feel this way??

xx Nene

Thursday, December 3, 2009

JUST ANOTHER PIC

This is my new fave pic.. I can see my weightloss here..

THURSDAY'S RANDOM RAMBLINGS

I really feel like I have completely fallen of the wagon.. I have been making bad food choices, and feel physically just as bad for it.. I am just always so damn tired.. I guess this would be from lack of protien/iron.. etc.. I really want to turn this around, but have got myself in a ditch because my weight has gone up to 111.5kg.. I mean god damn, I know I havent eaten enough to have put on that much weight.. and even though my choices arent the best, I couldnt have eaten enough of the bad stuff for it to have gone up so quick.. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe it's because of where I am in my cycle.. almost TTOTM...
Ohh lordy, just had a quick break in blogging.. my daughter decided to get into my nail polish and do her own..I did a quick clean up and looks like she will be attending daycare today with very funky looking legs, toes and hands.. Oh, just when do the terrible 2's stop.. she's already freakin 4... *take a deep breath* ...
I am trying not to let myself have that rotten "want to kill everyone" week, that seems to be making its presence in my life the week before my period..So I will keep the deep relaxing breaths coming..lol
Today I am off to Crossroads for their members 40% off storewide sale. (www.crossroads.com.au here's the website for those non-aussies :) ) I am looking to buy me some new pants/trousers and some tops.. as I seem to have filled my wardrobe with dresses over the last couple of months. I just hope I find what I am after, as its always the way when I am after something, I can never find it, but when I am down and out, and cant afford it, I find everything I could ever want. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I seem to have pretty good restriction, BUT I just want to eat all the time.. even when I am full..I just want the taste in my mouth. Is this normal?? I think it might have something to do with the fact that I really dont get much chance to sit down and concentrate on having a meal at a meal time, because of my restriction in the morning, then being at work and serving at lunch time, and then getting everything organized at home in the evening.. So I just graze all day. I really gotta get my act together..
Anyway, I best get to styling up, so I can hit the shops..And I just want to thank AMY for her excellent post today. You truely are wonderful.
xx Nene