Yesterday I got myself ready for work, and packed myself lunch and snacks, which was an assortment of fruit, and shredded chicken.. All with the good intention of trying to behave on the food front.. Well I started out ok, I had myself a bowl of cereal (a little too big in portion) but healthy.. I thought I was doing well , feeling full till mid morning, I was so hungry tht I could have eaten a horse and chased the bloody rider. Then I spied my fave naughty food.. The chicken and broccoli pie in that bastard asshole pie oven... looking all teasingly at me with it poppy seeds on top.. So instead of going out back to fetch me some cut up melon to munch on, I instead go out back, grab a plate and back to the dreaded oven, and fetch me that pie... Ohhh the guilt.. I felt guilty right away, even before letting it touch my lips.. But I was beyond help. So today I am not going to TRY today, I am just going to concentrate on other things and try to make the best choices.. I will give you an example.. I have been a smoker for a long time. Not a heavy smoker, just the odd 2-3 per day.. Many people have said "If thats all you have, then it should be easy to give up".. but in truth, if i didnt have those 2 or 3 per day I would lose my freakin mind... HOWEVER.. in the last 3 weeks, I am pretty much given up, and not by intention either, I just dont feel like it anymore.. I do however carry a packet in my bag, in case the feeling arises that I might like a social or stress reliever, but when it gets to that point, I might just think to myself that I have come this far, I just dont need it. You see, I have always hated the smell of smoke, hated me smelling like it, so even when I was to have one I would brush my teeth, wash my hands, spray myself all over with perfume.. It's so good not having to worry about it anymore. And it was even tested on christmas day when I had more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages, even my sister asked me if I was going to go outside for a smoke, and I declined.. Heck, I usually make like a chimney when having a drink.. but not anymore. BUT I am not game not to have them in my bag for fear that I might want them because they are not there. It's kind of like a comforter.. and I am hoping to do something similar with food.. somehow.
Today is my day off, and as I have been working over the school holidays, I have decided that whilst Ayisha goes to daycare to farewell her Bestest friend in the whole world ( she calls him her man).. lol... I am going to have mother son time, and take Montel to see the Chipmunks Movie and possibly go to sizzler.. He has already asked me if we can take the young boy next door, I asked him if it's not cool for him to come out with mama.. he said it is, but he just wants a friend to come.. But to be honest, the problem with that is, I just cant afford to be taking the neighborhood kids.. and I cant very well say to their mum, "Oh we are going to lunch and the movies, your son can come if you pay for him".. I think I would look very rude and uncooth.. lol... But things these days arent cheap, and I'm not living on top of a pot of gold..
What is everyones plan for New Years Eve? We have a friend with an apartment in the city, with very good views of where the fireworks will be, so we will be taking up the invite to go and hang there for the night.. I wanted to rent a room in the city, have a nice romantic night and all, but when I mentioned this to hubby some 2 months ago, he said we should put the money towards other things, so I got myself all pissed off, and didnt book it, then lastnight we were driving along, and he had the hide to ask which hotel it was that we were staying in for New Year... I SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE PUNCHED HIM!!!
Anyway, whatever it is that you all do for New Year, I wish you love and safety.. I thank you all for following my blog, and your support throughout my first 11 months of being banded. I also thank those of you who do blog, and have shared your life with me and many others, it makes the "journey" ( I dont like to use that term though) so much easier.. I cant imagine not having anyone to vent with and share ideas.. You all are wonderful..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Lots of Love