Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Random Chatter

I seem to have found myself with a new issue.. Whilst out with my sister the other day, she brought it to my attention that I seem more insecure of my looks now that before being banded.. My example is that we were walking through a shopping centre and fept toying with my clothing to make sure it wasnt clinging or looking out of place.. I am very self critical, and since Tracey brought this to my attention I have noticed just how much I fidget and twiddle my fingers in front of myself when I walk through a shopping centre. I feel bare naked if I just let my hands drop to my sides...Whats up with that?? I wish I knew. I mean, I feel ok, when I look at my reflection before leaving the house, but I guess I just dont want to be in the spotlight or scrutenized by others.. Will this feeling ever leave me?? Oh I surely hope so.
I was also talking with a fellow bandster (One of my blog followers, whom I was lucky enough to have met) and we were talking about the issue of wondering when enough is enough in regards to once having lost the weight, will we be truely happy in our own skins, or be on the look out for something more we can do to "fix" ourselves. Now, from what i see, Tammy ( this fellow bandster) looks fantastic from my eyes, but she feels that things could be better here or there.. I know we are most critical of ourselves, and tend to find imperfections in ourselves that dont even appear to others.. I wish I could just spend one day loving myself without flaws.. I doubt this will ever happen, and just need to learn to embrace what I have and learn to love it. Easier said than done.. enough of the negative stuff..

On a more positive note.. I have had comments lately that I have gained myself a bum/bottom.. Now usually people would be offended to hear such a comment.. LOL.. but not me.. You see, I have had such a big block ass for as long as I can remember, so to finally have the shape of something that resembles a normal backside is a little exciting.. I'll have to get someone to snap a rear ended pic of me, so i can see it properly for myself. I tried backing myself up to the mirror, but it doesnt quite work.

Another thing.. yesterday my band was really very restrictive, but today I have done nothing but eat.. I guess it also depends on what is being eaten, and the fact that I have been having water crackers with mashed banana wouldnt help keep me full for long.. Thats the one thing about this job that sucks.. I cant sit for a meal without being disturbed.

Oh well, I best be getting back to work, I keep losing my train of thought when I have to get up to serve just when i get an idea of something to tell you all.
Oh, just remembered.. I also have been feeling really crappy lately, mainly at night.. Nausea, a little hot and flushy, dry in the mouth... and very tired... I wonder if I need my iron levels tested.. or if I should take a vitamin, I mean, I couldnt be preggas, I'm on the pill.. could it be early menopause??? hope not.. any ideas?? anyone else feel this way??

xx Nene

1 comment:

  1. Could you have been one of those people that hid behind your weight? It made you feel safe maybe? And now you feel more exposed bc there is less of you to hide behind?

    I dunno. Just a thought.

    I wonder to when we will be happy with our weight. I mean, I just made up my goal weight of 170. It will be interesting.