Well let me start by saying, ♫♪♫Happy Bandiversary To Me♫♪♫.. I woke this morning, with my stomach gurgling, as usual in anticipation of a cup of tea, but it was exactly at this time a year ago, my stomach was gurgling for a very different reason.. I was so scared, of getting the banding procedure done.. My stomach was rumbling because I had to fast, and couldnt feed it to shut it up. I had to wake early to get Montel to school then be on my way to hospital to begin the new chapter in my life. I was booked in to be operated on by 10:30am, but didnt end up being banded untill very late in the afternoon. So my day was spent with my stomach screaming to be filled, but at the same time, screaming with nervousness. So today, a year on, I have been reflecting on the ups and downs of this band of mine. And ok, so sometimes, I get sick of the odd PB episode, or not being able to really dig into some kind of food.. I mean like a burger with the bun, or a savoury bread loaf. Or right now, just about anything solid..I do sometimes wonder if I can go on forever dealing with this band, and the PBing, and the limitations on some foods.. I know that these limitations are actually a good thing for me, and are the reason that I put on alot of the weight in the first place. But the PBing??? I dont want to be an old lady, PBing and getting stuck all the damn time. I want to eat out and not have to undo my bra or take it off in order to be able to eat a bit of food.
Yes, I have taken my bra off in a restaurant (the bathroom of course) just to be able to eat. But this band has changed my life in so many positive ways that I think I might be able to deal with those things.. Oh who really knows.. But I will start my mentioning a few of the aspects of my life that this band has changed for me.
* My relationship with my husband.. In all honesty, my marraige was SHIT. My husband and I simply did not communicate, we just exsisted in the house and pretty much only spoke to eachother about the kids. NOW... I dont want him to take the blame for all the faults in the beginning, because I know that I was so down within myself that I could not have been pleasant to live with. Instead of letting him know what annoyed me, or upset me, I would hold it all in, and feel even lower about myself. Which in turn lead to more self destruction by food..
Our relationship has imporved so much so that when I wake in the morning, I just think to myself "Life is Good" .. I hadnt thought this for so long. I am getting so much more affection, and attention from him, and now even starting to get ompliments from him, which is something I have never ever received from him. It will be our 10th Wedding anniversary on May 20.
*Housework.. I have never kept a dirty or messy house.. I am very worried and particular when it comes to the state of my house when unexpected visitors arrive, however now I am a little more relaxed, but also find it so much easier to get the housework done. (More Energy)
*Going Solo... Today I went to the shopping centre on my own, and didnt feel so self concious. I am excited at the prospect of going to the movies (theatre) by myself, as soon as I get a chance to have enough alone time to go to a movie. I am losing the needyness of needing someone to be with me when I go somewhere.
* Clothing... I am starting to be able to have a choice in what I wear.. I no longer buy things simply because they fit, but only because I like it, and it fits, and is from a normal shop.. I am still a little way out of shopping in all the smaller clothing stores, but I do have more options now, which is fantastic.. it just sucks that I'm not fussed on the fashion at the moment.
*Car..When I was deciding which car to buy a few months ago, I automatically opted for a bigger style car.. I didnt want to look like a big chunky lady driving a little matchbox car.. Now I just look like a normal person driving a normal car. Oh and I do love my car..
*Travel.. I am more confident to get out there now, I want to experience as much as any destination has to offer.. Even if we drive to the countryside, I want to get out of the car and have a look around, where as before, I was happy to drive to the destination, drie around, and drive back home. As for flying, I am so looking forward to sitting my smaller ( not small, but smaller) backside in a seat in a plane. Without having to ask for an extender belt, or having the belt so damn tight that I get alot of trapped wind in my stomach and spend the flight in pain..
*Daring.. I have become a little more daring when it comes to trying different styles of clothing, and make up and even shoes..
One thing that hasnt changed is the fact that i still try to hide behind my makeup. I wear it everyday, and where ever I go. I hate to be seen without it..
I would like to continue, but I am running late for my split shift at the shop..