Wednesday, March 31, 2010

SUCKS TO BE A WOMAN

Today I woke up hating the world.. yes, it's that time of the month for me.. Well it should be, but it's not, and I am worried.. I was stupid through the month and missed a pill twice.. 2 in 2 weeks.. Oh shit... I am hoping that its just my hormones playing about, and not a damn easter bun in the oven.. Now I know by saying this, It may sound a little insensitive to those who cannot fall pregnant, or have very private reasons.. And believe me, I have been in that boat.. I tried for a few years to have Ayisha and had to get fertility treatment. Hence the reasoon for the bigger age gap between my 2 kids.. But now is my turn to be selfish, and have MY TIME.. because i sure as hell dont get enough of that..
A perfect example... 2 days ago, I had the urge for a #2 (bowel movement) whilst at work, now when I work, I am on my own, and cannot race out back in between customers to "evacuate the system" ... sooo I had to hold on for a couple of hours.. deep breathing, and a rock hard stomach, is so uncomfortable... then I get home with intention to run to the loo, but I get a phone call... it's my sister, informing me that Baby Ashton is back in hospital, and could i look after her daughter for the night?? ... noo problemo.. Now, just let me go to the crapper.. please... but nooo, then I realised that I had to feed my kids, after slapping a frozen meal in the microwave for Montel, and Ayisha's weird request for porridge is filled ( yes my kids do usually have better food than this.. lol)... anyway, by this time my stomach is making all kinds of noises, screaming at me, to fix the problem. Then, when making my way to the toilet, my sis arrives with her daughter... fills me in on Ashton and leaves.. time to make Breanna's bed, and get her settled... then and only then, can I make my way to the privacy on my ensuite toilet... So there you have it, even the simple task of taking a shit goes on hold because I have kids and a husband and a job to deal with..
MY TIME also because I have stretched my body enough already having had the 2 kids, and being overweight all my life.. I want it to shrink, not grow. The time is not right for me, so i am really hoping that "aunt flow" comes to visit real soon.
I mean this could explain my world hating mood right now, and depressive moods lately.. but usually I am PMSíng a week before they're due.. Who know's , will no doubt keep you all posted...
WHY dont men have to put up with this shit?? they get all the joy in things.. Get it up, stick it in, dump their load, go to sleep, go to work, be fed, shower, shit, shave and all the things that men can do whenever the fricken hell they want.. there's no waiting for several hours to take a shit in my husbands world.. grrrrrrrrrr
Feeling like this makes me eat, and right now, I just got up and got myself a caramello chocolate koala out of the shop fridge and and mindlessly munching it down, really quite without care for what it will make the bastard scales tell me in the morning.. I'll deal with it then..
I think right now it might be best for me to stop with this post before you all think I am some mental case, well some of you may already think that way.. just consider this my monthly melt down..I'm off to drool over the pie oven..
xx Nene

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

THANKS GIRLS

First and formost, I want to give a very big thank you to the lovely "WorkInProgress" I know your name, but not sure if you wanted it put out there :), and the beautiful Sally from "Ramblings From The Other Side", for sending me the lovely swimsuit and 2 pairs of capris.. You both are truely wonderful. I am very greatful.. Now I would have loved to post pics of myself wearing these items, however, it has gone to two extremes... The bathing suit is a little too big, but my sis will love it... and the capris are too small. (Sob sob sob)... I couldnt fricken believe it.. I wear a sz 18 pants from Crossroads, no problem at all.. but I couldnt get these capri's up over my big fat dimpled ass... DAMMIT... shit shit shit... Oh well, at least I will get wear out of them when I do fricken fit into them.. Gotta look on the bright side. Its all my own fault, I really should have had my band tightened.. I am seriously self sabotaging.. my weight has gone up by 2kg in the last month.. I cant believe how much I can eat..you will see for yourself in the pics below..
In this pic above, I took a friend (one of our employees) out for lunch. She chose a Chinese restaurant, and I ordered a Shandy (a mix of everything).. As pictured above and below.. I like how tiny I look in the pic above..
Hmmm food... I ate about 2/3 of this plate of food... a bit too much I say.. Mind you, I could barely walk out to the car afterwards.

Ayisha and Montel attended a dress up birthday party last friday night.. Just had to show you my little princess all dolled up. Aint she sweet...


OOhhhkey Dooohkeeey... Check out the mess I made of my damn fringe... It started as a splice style fringe trim (self cut) and I overcut it, then had to straighten the style because of the overcutting.. All in all, I screwed up big time.. now i have to change my side part, and or pin it back till it grows again.. FARK!!! makes my face look far too round..
I really wanted to post a bit more today, but my head is throbbing.. you see I went to the shops today whilst out to lunch with Lynne, and saw the perfume that I thought I liked.. So I greedily sprayed the tester of it all over me... BIG MISTAKE.. it was the wrong one, and ever since I have had a rotten headache.. Serves me right.. next time I'll use the tester cards and put it in my knicker drawer.
xx Nene



Tuesday, March 23, 2010

JIBBER JABBER

Wow, what a busy week end.. I truely feel like I live the life of an old lady when my boring routine is shook up, and we have a jam packed week end. Ibee (our visitor) has flown on to Sydney before returning to the U.K, and although it was so nice to entertain a visitor, I am quietly relieved that it's over. Ibee is one of the nicest guys you will meet, and is welcome anytime, but it takes alot out of a person to be on constant alert to cater for the guests needs.. It was very exciting though, because in the whole time that hubby has been in Australia (since nov 1999) this is the first visitor he has had. So it was special, and I went above and beyond to make sure it went well. One thing is for sure though.. It sure is frustrating to live through a week end of constant "jibber jabber".. (the guys speaking their language) ... it can make a person feel a little uncomfortable at times, because they can be talking of ANYTHING!!! , and from what hubby sometimes tells me of conversations he has had with friends before, right in front of me.. I am shocked that even their concience will let them speak it, even though they know we cant understand it. Oh how I wish I knew a language that my man didnt understand. But then I guess I do.. it's called P.M.S... lol, but back to the jibber jabber, When we went out to our fave restaurant (the night we went to the casino).. I was there with the guys, whilst waiting for the wife of one of them (she's aussie), she was late coming to meet us from work, and these 3 guys (Hubby, Ibee & and another friend who lives local, but is from their country) spoke constantly in their lingo.. I have naver felt so alone in the company of others.. I knew not to take offence, and didnt.. but was glad when Sarah arrived so I had someone to talk to. I could only play with my phone for so much longer..
Anyway enough about that..

We went to the Gold Coast on sunday, and I said I would take some pics.. I did, but none were taken of me, so I dont really have any to post that would be of much interest to any of you. Just some simple snaps for Ibee since his camera battery went flat.

I want to say welcome to my new followers and that there are a couple of you who are on the verge of being banded.. I wish you the best of luck, and just know, you are making a great decision.

Guess what just happened... I thought I would take a break from this post to think of something more to say, and in this break I decided that I was feeling a bit peckish, so the tug of war went like this... "will I have a pie or the piece of sushi that I brought in with me to have for lunch??... hmmm, i really want the pie, but the sushi is less fattening... ok, sushi it is.. " I then carefully cut it into smaller bite size pieces, then add a few drops of soy sauce to each piece.. One piece, hmm goes down well.. feels great coz it's been soo long since I was able to eat it.. Then, the second one... uhh oh... It's fricken stuck.. "I should have had the damn pie!!!" and now I keep burping up terrible tasting seaweed paper that the sushi was wrapped in.. I guess this will cure me of my sushi cravings.
There are now quite a few foods that I no longer like as a result of having a bad PB episode with them.. but one thing that I will never turn against is hot chips/fries.. I can spew those things up till the cows come home, but i will never get sick of them. They are so bad for me, but they are one addiction I cant ever give up.. I just need to make sure I get my band tightened enough to not be able to eat them.
Speaking of tightening, I have made an appointment to get a fill for next monday.. I am looking forward to having some restriction.
Ok, the sushi gate has opened.. it just went down, I dont think I will be attempting any more of that for a while.

I have a bit of a job ahead of me this week end.. I am switching my kids rooms around.. you see montel refuses to sleep in his own room. Yes, a 10 year old boy prefers to sleep in his 4 year old sisters room, all wrapped up in her dorothy the dinosaur bed covers.. If I put my foot down, and demand that he sleep in his own room, he wont sleep in his bed, he will lay on the floor.. (We have hard wood floors)... I just cant figure out why... I ask him, and he says his room is "boring and he doesnt like it".. but I just know it goes deeper than that..
So I am taking everything out of his room, and swapping it into Ayisha's room. He happily goes to bed in there. Ohh the pressures and stresses of parenthood. If this doesnt work, I dont know what to do next..

Anyway, best get back to work.. The lunch rush is on, and here's hoping these pies all sell, before my temptations gets the better of me.
xx Nene

Saturday, March 20, 2010

THE WEEK END IS HERE + Pics

Hey all, Just a quick post, am very tired from having gone out lastnight. I am running on empty (not my guts though, thats nice and fricken full, a lil too full if you ask me) I've had 3 hours sleep in 2 days, and feel like several different shades of shit.. I mean, I wouldnt mind feeling like this if I actually drank copious amount of alcohol, BUT I didn't.. Noooo not me, piss head from way back.. I'm sure if I told my girls from back in the day that I hit the city and didnt get roaring drunk, they would want to take my temp or possibly give me a pregnancy test.. Nope, I'm not sick, and over my dead body will I be getting pregnant any time soon. (I'll happly go along doing the baby making exercises though hehe).. The reason I didnt drink or even get tipsy.. No one in the group that I went with drink. Nor do they gamble, and where did we go??? A farkin Casino... it was boring as hell, I just watched as pissed ( Drunk ) people slipped money into the machines that would inevitably send them home broke.. I would happily hum a few tunes and wear flashing lights if they would slip their dollar bills ito my pockets.. We then went on to a small R&B club, I played a few rounds of pool, and kicked butt.. :)Above, Me with Sara, outside the Casino.. I look like a heffer.. Dont like this pic at all, but I am going to try to not cover up my ugly shots anymore.. Honesty IS the best policy.. If I can get comfortable enough to share my ... not so good.. pics with you, it may help in this shitty battle of self confidence I have.
This pic is kind of random.. but I'm hoping it will put a pic to how I feel. See the big yellow house standing out amongst all the other ordinary blocks of apartments.. ??? This is how I feel when in a crowd or group of people.. I feel like I cant hide or blend in.. I still, in a way feel like I am a big old hot air balloon parked next to a pretty bunch of birthday helium ballons.. Ohhhh, I hope you get what I mean.. By the way this pic I took for another reason/story to tell you, but have forgotten why.. It is not too far from where I live.

ME!!!
I love this photo.. you know why.. #1, I dont have make up plastered over my face and feel ok about it, and #2 I think I look pretty small at that angle.. I know it is taken at a flattering angle too though.. But hey, it's not often I come across a pic of me without makeup on that I like. (sounds like a step in the right direction) Mind the hairy pit.. few day old armpit stubble.. ewwww
Now.. I have a question.. for those of you that have been banded long enough to have lost a substantial amount of weight.. Do you get itchy under your titties and cleavage??? I have been scratching the shit out of mine, and it seems to be bringing about some small stretch marks.. dammit dammit.. also on my saddle bags too (extra meat at the sides of my ass/hips).. so itchy that I scratch till it bleeds.. could this itching be from shrinkage?? or should I go see a damn doctor?? lol
Speaking of seeing doctors.. I am going to call and book in for a fill ASAP this week.. I am getting just a wee bit carried away in the food department. I ate fresh white bread today.. WTF?!?! allbeit slowly, but it got down.. I have also not got on the scales today.. i am simply avoiding heartache.. Yes, I have let myself go.. But I will catch myself up this week. But I will say that with hubby's friend being here, I have been working my ass off to be a "good wifey"... and feeding and entertaining the guy.. He is a lovely guy, so it comes easy. But in doing this I have found that I dont think of food as much.. I guess that means I need to have my life running at a busier pace in order for me to forget about food sometimes.
Well, Montel is asking questions as to why I am typing so much and what it's about, because he wants to use the computer.. and I want to go and take a shower whilst scratching my tits..
Night All/ Goopd Morning to the rest of you..We're off to the Gold Coast tomorrow.. I want to hit up the carrara markets and find me some goodies.. Oh and of course some birthday presents for Montel (turning 10 this thurday) Will be sure to take some more pics..
xx Nene




Thursday, March 18, 2010

SISTER UPDATE

Get this.. My sister has already lost 15kgs (33lb).. Haw fantastic is that!!!!! I am so happy for her. This weightloss is since she started her 2 weeks of optifast prior to banding.. She's gonna kick my ass in the weight war. Time to get into action..
Meanwhile, I got on the scales this morning, and alarmingly it read 109.3!!! Ohh lordy, but then I went and "dropped the kids at the pool" (poo poo'd) and weighed again.. this time 108.3kg.. that was some seriously heavy poop.. Ok, gross time over
xx Nene

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

UPDATE

Hey everyone, it's been a bit since I posted.. My sis is going ok, she has suffered a little with breathlessness, and indigestion feelings, and slight gas pains in her shoulder.. I spoke with her this morning, and she is feeling a tad better.. It's amazing how quickly I have forgotten what being banded in the first few weeks was like. Ashton is also going great, Tracey said it was like he is a new little guy since coming out of hospital.. I said, maybe it straightened him out, and made him realise that life on the outside is so much better.. LOL..

I didnt go to my friends party, although it looked like they all had a great time. But you know what, I'm glad I didnt go. I also had a great time at home with my own little family.
This Friday we have one of my husbands good friends coming to visit us from the UK.. I am looking forward to finally meeting him, as I have spoken to him so much over the years on the phone, and even my parents have met him, but not I. He showed them around Thailand 8 years ago when they went there on holiday. He lands in Brisbane on friday morning, but the downside is..we have a cyclone approaching.. So it looks like the weather is going to be shit.. DAMMIT, this guy is coming from a miserable winter in the UK, and now to this..Fingers crossed this cyclone blows back out to sea..

Band news.. Meh... I have been eating very bad choice foods since getting some unfil.. And as the saying goes.. well my saying goes "Eat shit = Feel like Shit" ... AND.. of course put on weight.. Yes, I have pudged back up to 108.3kgs... FAAARRK!!!! But I only have myself to blame. And I know it's an excuse, but I'm not going back in for a fill untill hubby's friend has gone back, which will probably be late next week. I'm not going to act like the model bandster, because as you all know, I am far from that with my lack of will power in my ongoing fight against the pie oven..
I can eat a 6 inch subway sub. And I sooo shouldnt be able to, should I?? I'm not gonna beat myslelf up over it. I know where I'm going wrong, and will fix it up soon.

It is amazing how much more in tune I am with my weight though. I pretty much know and can feel without even looking at the scales if I have lost or gained even half a kg (1lb)..Before the band, I could pack on a few kgs, and lie to myself that I was still the same. I guess, back then I didnt overly care or want to know.

I am still kind of struggling with the self insecurity thing though.. It's not been that big of an issue in the past months, but in the last couple of weeks, I've been kind of struggling to feel good about myself.. but then that all leads back to me gaining weight and eating crap again..
On the upside, I have noticed when giving change and serving customers that my hands and wrists look a whole lot slimmer.. I can no longer wear my rings (I feel naked without them) I was handing out change, and my ring fell into the customers hand.. I snatched it back so fast. I will get them resized when I get down far enough to know I wont be needing to resize them again. They are so friggen big, I reckon Ayisha could hoola hoop with them. Speaking of hoola hoops, have any of you tried the Wii Fit hoola hoop exercises?.. I never thought something like that could give you such a good work out.. if nothing else, it might give you a few extra moves for those "extra cirricular activies" after dark, or for any time of day for that matter..

Oh Amy W, if you read this, I have given my sister your blog address to read about your "Whootananny, turkey, troll shaving post" she was in need of a good giggle, and I thought , what better way.. I have never read anything so funny and real, ever..

I also want to say that it is so good to see guys blogging about their experiences with being banded and weightloss. I am in the process of convincing my uncle (Mum's twin brother) to get banded. And with these guys putting it out there, it's easy for my uncle to be able to have a read and relate on some level.. So guys, keep up the good work.

Hopefully with hubbys friend being here, we will be going on outtings and I will take lots of lovely shots (with my new cam of course) for you all to see, that is if the weather doesnt blow us off yonda. I have taken the week end off work for this occassion. I havent had a full week end off since mid last year.. But I doubt any sleep ins are gonna happen. I'l be up cooking breakfast for everyone no doubt. Either way, it beats serving scruffy bed creases people coming in to buy the paper with their smelly morning breath. UUuugghhhh... Gag gag gag.. I swear, they must roll out of bed, scratch their balls, have a pee, wait for their morning mongrel to subside then venture off to our shop... not even having washed their faces or even rinsing their rotten mouths out.. filthy bastards.. lol Ok enough of my ranting.
Have yourselves a great day..
xx Nene

Friday, March 12, 2010

Too Shy To Party

Below you will see a picture of me and my friend Kelly (Taken on her 30th birthday May 2009).. anyway.. She is having a themed party this saturday night. The theme is Fugly Dresses and the party is Adult Toys Etc.. Which would be really fun to go to, but I am decling the invitation as I feel a little intimidated by some of the girls going to it.. Alot of them went to the same high school, as we did, but I never really associated with them at school (I left school at the end of grade 10, and Kelly stayed on a bit longer), and even on the night this picture was taken on Kelly's birthday, I was getting all kinds of bitchy looks from a few of them.. A few of these girls were very slim/sporty at school, and now are bigger than me.. My friend Kelly made a point of saying to me what I should come and flaunt my new body, but even though I know I do look better than some of them now, I have a slight insecurity. I so hope this will fix with time.. I guess I could book a party and host my own as a favour for not going.. I do feel most comfortable on my own terms at my own home.. xx Nene

SNAPPIN' WITH MY NEW CAMERA (pics of my babies)

Why is is that when I want to take some new shots of myself, they turn out not so good, and I dont want to share them.. Maybe I'm trying to hard... blahh who knows, but I thought I would share a pic of each of my kids taken with my new camera. My Gorgeous Boy Montel, I adore his dimples.
As if butter wouldnt melt in her mouth, yeah right... Ayisha
Now a funny story to tell.. The other night I was sitting watching "16 and Pregnant"on MTV and Ayisha came out and said "I had a baby come out of my Moo Moo too". (She calls her privates, a Moo Moo).. I lost all composure and laughed so hard.. She was so serious when she said it, that when I laughed, she got embarrased and ran to her room. Some of the things she says never cease to amaze and sometimes embarrass me, depending on where we are.. For example, we were in Kmart yesterday after our Gloria jean stop, and she says quite loudly, "There's those sexy line undies that go up your bum that you bought the other day" (Meaning my new Gstring) I noticed a few people giggling.. I hightailed it out of there pronto.
I remember once, I had Montel in the trolley and he was complaining of something, and I called him a hypocondriac.. he said "I'm not a hungy rat".. the things kids say... Gotta love 'em.
xx Nene



Thursday, March 11, 2010

BABY HOME, SIS RECOVERING & GIRLS GET THEIR SIP ON

Hey All, Great News!!! Ashton is out of hospital, and slowly getting better, and my sisters banding was a success. I will however say, she is still in quite some pain, and feeling like shehas some serious indigestion and is a little breathless. I have assured her that she will be feeling better real soon. I took some before shots of her the night before sugery.. I will however have to ask her permission to post them.. She is alot more private than I.. lol. So all is good as at now. Today was "The Girls Day Off" as Ayisha likes to call it. So after having my nan (grandma) over to dye her hair.. (the road rage granny) We went to the local shopping centre and stopped at Gloria Jeans for a treat. Ayisha has a kiddy chino and I had my fave... Tim Tam Chilla, on skinny milk with cream and caramel sauce on top.. Kind of a contradiction.. made on skinny, but topped with cream..ha ha, but thats how I roll.. Yes, I was the one who used to go through Kfc or Mcdonalds and ask for a diet coke..But in all honesty, I always have prefered skinny milk, not just because it claims to be less fattening. Ayisha enjoying her Baby Chino with sprinkles of course :), as you can see, she is such a lil lady, enjoying a mag whilst at the cafe.
My Chilla, next to her tiny cup.. Ohh, if you havent tried the tim tam chilla, you really must. Usually, I dont go for sickly drinks, but this one isnt.. I watched them make it.. A cup of ice, a bit of milk, 2 tim tams (Aussie Icon Chocolate Biscuits) bit of chocolate powder, all blended up to make a cup of icy chocolately goodness. YUM!!! Probably not what I should be recommending on this "Weight Loss Blog".. Once again, bit of a contradiction.
Ohh, as I mentioned I wanted to get myself a body wrap from my 1 year bandiversary.. Well I didnt. But you know what I did get???!!!??? A new camera.. Yes, a very nice new camera.. Panasonic Lumix DMC-FH3... 14 Mega Pixels 5x Zoom, wide angle lense.etc.. All the better to take some new picces for you all. At least when I go away at the end of the year, I will be able to snap some gorgeous pics. And buying a camera instead of a body wrap, well at least i will have something to show for my money. A gift that keeps on giving I reckon :)..
Anyway, I have been a bit slack on blog following lately, I will try to get my mojo back, but I am sure you can appreciate why I have been side tracked.
Have a great day/night
xx Nene

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

UPDATE

Hi Everyone, first and formost, thank you to those of you who offered your best wishes.. As at now, Baby Ashton is still in hospital, his oxygen levels are still up and down, and just when we think he is getting better and ready to go home, he hits an all time low and has more of a set back.. Soo, right now as I type this post, my sister would be in the operating theatre getting her band installed.. Her partner (Ashtons' Daddy Damien) is at the local hospital staying by their baby's side, whilst I will be on hand to support my sister. She is in a hospital in the city.. About 30 mins away from home. I am also looking after my neice (9 yrs old) so Damien doesnt have to leave Ashton. It's taken alot of fine tuning and routine changing, but I am so glad that my sister is getting this done. I have warned her that in the first week, she may begin to wonder "WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS??" but when the discomfort is over, she will be glad she did.

I went with Tracey to see the surgeon yesterday, who is also the surgeon who did mine (Blair Bowden, www.blairbowden.com.au) It was the first time I had seen him since my 4 week check up. So he said that I was looking good, and progressing well, blah blah blah, although when I was on the lift going up to his office, I was sucking my tummy in and wishing I had more of a weightloss to boast of. Oh well, he seemed impressed anyway. I wasnt there for me, I was there to support my sister.
I cant wait to see her progress, and I just know she will do so well with this band. Probably even better than I have.. She's alot more focused than I ever have been. Speaking of which, i really need to get back in to Dr Duncombe and get about half a ml fill.. It seems, I can eat just a bit too much at the moment..Although, my weight hasnt gone up any.. thank god..
Maybe when she is getting through the liquids and mushys, I will try curbing my bad eating and snacking ways too..Gotta get back to the plan..
Anyway, I really must go, and i will keep you all posted..
Thanks Again everyone..
xx Nene

Friday, March 5, 2010

SAY A PRAYER

I am by no means a religious person.. And I guess I sound a bit hypocritical by saying that I am praying, and asking all of you to help me out with well wishes and prayers for my precious nephew.. His name is Ashton, he was born 2 months early , a week before I was banded.. It was so scary at the time, as we thought that we may lose not only little Ashton, but my sister too.. She had placenta previa, and what she thought were contractions, was actually the placenta rupturing.. Had they not done the emergency c-section when they did, both mother and baby would have died within a scarily short time. In the last year, Ashton has thrived, and grown into the most gorgeous chubby little boy.. I call him my little Ginger Ninja.. He has inherited my sisters red hair. He has the most captivating blue eyes.. I love this little guy to bits.. Which brings me to the reason why I need your prayers..
Throughout lastnight, he started having trouble breathing.. My sister thought it was from his blocked nose (minor cold stuff).. then this morning, he threw up a few times, fast forward to this afternoon, after having spent the morning in the ER, he has been diagnosed with Pneumonia, Bronchitis and a collapsed lung... How much can our precious little guy take???
Ashton 1 week after birth in the arms of my sister..
Just look at those eyes.. Big boy now..

My Little Ginger Ninja
To make matters worse, my sister is booked in to have her band done on tuesday..After all the trouble she has had with the Super Fund..I guess now it all depends on the health of our boy as to whether she goes though with it, as if she doesnt, she will have to wait untill the next vacancy in June..
xxNene