Hello ladies, ohh and gent.. Almost forgot that I have a man on my followers list.. :)
Firstly, I would like to thank those of you who left me the lovely comments of support on my last post. This last 4-5 days has been a really bad time for me. I wonder if i could label it.. A mini break down..
You see, I hold a whole lot inside when it comes to problems within my marraige and life in general. I dont raise the issue when something bothers me about hubby, because I dont like confrontation. So I had so much bottled up inside that I just couldnt for the life of me let out.. Then when I tried, hubby wouldnt let me.. he had "tude".. so I got to the point of exploding inside, and whilst I was feeling lost, I realise that there is also a thing that I am lacking.. Friends... real true friends, a friend that I can confide my all in, and drop in and cry on her shoulder.. I so needed this kind of friend over the last week, and it only got me feeling lower because I realised that I didnt have that.
I had always had a big social life prior to meeting hubby, but once meeting him, I got pregnant a little too fast, and lost most of my friends, because I was no longer able to party with the rest of them. I have had great friends over the years, but I guess I have always invested more of my time in my family (hubby and kids)..
Do you ever feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people??
Do you ever have so much on your chest, but you just cant put it into words to get it out??
Cut a long story short, I finally wrote hubby a letter, telling him as much as I could about why I wasnt happy, even on there I feel like I was holding back a bit because I didnt want to hurt feelings, of cause confrontation..
I need to get confident, because perhaps if I was, I wouldnt feel so damn insecure.. Arrrgghh,
I told him I need emotional support, and to be included when he makes plans.. He does a fine job of making plans for himself to go out with mates at night, but when it comes to family things, he leaves it to me... orr why cant he organize a night out for me and him.???
Blah blah blah.. I wont go on much about it, or it gets me worked up again.
At the moment, things are ok.. Although, there is a little bit of emotional distance between us.. But the way i see it, It doesnt take alot to make me happy.. and i pull out all stops to try to please him.. hmmm sometimes I wonder why.....*blood pressure raising*
-Finally on wednesday night, Aunt flow arrived.. she has never been so welcomed..
-Easter eve, hubby went out... and Ayisha wouldnt go to bed unless I did.. Soo, I was left hping that I would wake in the middle of the night to do the easter bunny duties. Luckily I did, and go up and put the treats in the kids baskets.. Went back to bed all bleary eyes, and woke in the morning to realise that I hadnt left out Mr. bunny's paw prints.. oops, so I thought and thought and thought.. as quick as I could, what else could I do, then I realised that I also hadnt set up the easter egg hunt in the back garden.. Damn it!!! So as I was digging though the easter egg hunt supplies, I had my arms full and was tiptoe 'ing though the house to the back door when before me stands my little princess, rubbing her eyes, as they are fixed on the easter backets on the floor.. I think quick and turn, telling her to go and do a "wee wee" and wake her brother... off she toddles, and out the back door I go... I ran out, and litterally pegged/threw the assortment of easter eggs and chocolates all over my back lawn... Mission accomplished....
I said that the easter bunny must not have had time to hide all the eggs, because the dogs next door must have barked and scared him.. So the kids went and gathered their choccies from the grass.
Ayisha asked why there were no "foot prints", and I told her that the bunny must have wiped his feet this time. She was happy with that explanation..
not only has this band help me lose the weight that I never could have lost otherwise, it has linked me up with some truely wonderful people (yourselves) and even at my lowest, when I posted my last post.. I turned to you all.. because your support is one thing that I can truely count on.
Oh I have also got back down to 106.6kg this week too.. Which really is strange, because of my shitty eating.. So in a week, I have gone from 109kg down to this 106.6.. woohoo.. now that it has come back down.. time for that fill.. No more pies for Nene.. No sireee
I did however have a bad bad bad PB episode on a chunky beef pie, whilst at work the other day.. so not good.
My sister is going for her first check up this week. She seems to be doing very well.. She has already been stuck a few times, which I think is naughty, because she should be watching what she's eating.. and she's not. Hot Cross buns, and Chicken Ceasar Wraps from macca's, need I say more. ??? Bad bad bad girl..lol.. oh and Ashton got out of hospital again on Friday.. he is doing ok.. just have to watch him with a simple cold or viral thing.. As he was born so premature, his lungs are weaker than a child that was born at full term, so this is why he gets such a hard time of it.
Anyway, I should be getting ready to shut this ghost town of a shop.. Everyone else is out enjoying their easter long week end... so I'm shutting early, coz I want to get to enjoying it to..
♥ you all
and thanks for putting up with my rubbish... seems someone got sick of it, I lost a follower..LOL.. oh well, this is me, as I am.