Monday, April 5, 2010

Happy Easter Monday

Hello ladies, ohh and gent.. Almost forgot that I have a man on my followers list.. :)
Firstly, I would like to thank those of you who left me the lovely comments of support on my last post. This last 4-5 days has been a really bad time for me. I wonder if i could label it.. A mini break down..
You see, I hold a whole lot inside when it comes to problems within my marraige and life in general. I dont raise the issue when something bothers me about hubby, because I dont like confrontation. So I had so much bottled up inside that I just couldnt for the life of me let out.. Then when I tried, hubby wouldnt let me.. he had "tude".. so I got to the point of exploding inside, and whilst I was feeling lost, I realise that there is also a thing that I am lacking.. Friends... real true friends, a friend that I can confide my all in, and drop in and cry on her shoulder.. I so needed this kind of friend over the last week, and it only got me feeling lower because I realised that I didnt have that.
I had always had a big social life prior to meeting hubby, but once meeting him, I got pregnant a little too fast, and lost most of my friends, because I was no longer able to party with the rest of them. I have had great friends over the years, but I guess I have always invested more of my time in my family (hubby and kids)..
Do you ever feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people??
Do you ever have so much on your chest, but you just cant put it into words to get it out??

Cut a long story short, I finally wrote hubby a letter, telling him as much as I could about why I wasnt happy, even on there I feel like I was holding back a bit because I didnt want to hurt feelings, of cause confrontation..
I need to get confident, because perhaps if I was, I wouldnt feel so damn insecure.. Arrrgghh,
I told him I need emotional support, and to be included when he makes plans.. He does a fine job of making plans for himself to go out with mates at night, but when it comes to family things, he leaves it to me... orr why cant he organize a night out for me and him.???
Blah blah blah.. I wont go on much about it, or it gets me worked up again.
At the moment, things are ok.. Although, there is a little bit of emotional distance between us.. But the way i see it, It doesnt take alot to make me happy.. and i pull out all stops to try to please him.. hmmm sometimes I wonder why.....*blood pressure raising*

SUBJECT CHANGE

-Finally on wednesday night, Aunt flow arrived.. she has never been so welcomed..

-Easter eve, hubby went out... and Ayisha wouldnt go to bed unless I did.. Soo, I was left hping that I would wake in the middle of the night to do the easter bunny duties. Luckily I did, and go up and put the treats in the kids baskets.. Went back to bed all bleary eyes, and woke in the morning to realise that I hadnt left out Mr. bunny's paw prints.. oops, so I thought and thought and thought.. as quick as I could, what else could I do, then I realised that I also hadnt set up the easter egg hunt in the back garden.. Damn it!!! So as I was digging though the easter egg hunt supplies, I had my arms full and was tiptoe 'ing though the house to the back door when before me stands my little princess, rubbing her eyes, as they are fixed on the easter backets on the floor.. I think quick and turn, telling her to go and do a "wee wee" and wake her brother... off she toddles, and out the back door I go... I ran out, and litterally pegged/threw the assortment of easter eggs and chocolates all over my back lawn... Mission accomplished....
I said that the easter bunny must not have had time to hide all the eggs, because the dogs next door must have barked and scared him.. So the kids went and gathered their choccies from the grass.
Ayisha asked why there were no "foot prints", and I told her that the bunny must have wiped his feet this time. She was happy with that explanation..

BANDSTUFF
not only has this band help me lose the weight that I never could have lost otherwise, it has linked me up with some truely wonderful people (yourselves) and even at my lowest, when I posted my last post.. I turned to you all.. because your support is one thing that I can truely count on.

Oh I have also got back down to 106.6kg this week too.. Which really is strange, because of my shitty eating.. So in a week, I have gone from 109kg down to this 106.6.. woohoo.. now that it has come back down.. time for that fill.. No more pies for Nene.. No sireee
I did however have a bad bad bad PB episode on a chunky beef pie, whilst at work the other day.. so not good.

My sister is going for her first check up this week. She seems to be doing very well.. She has already been stuck a few times, which I think is naughty, because she should be watching what she's eating.. and she's not. Hot Cross buns, and Chicken Ceasar Wraps from macca's, need I say more. ??? Bad bad bad girl..lol.. oh and Ashton got out of hospital again on Friday.. he is doing ok.. just have to watch him with a simple cold or viral thing.. As he was born so premature, his lungs are weaker than a child that was born at full term, so this is why he gets such a hard time of it.

Anyway, I should be getting ready to shut this ghost town of a shop.. Everyone else is out enjoying their easter long week end... so I'm shutting early, coz I want to get to enjoying it to..

♥ you all
and thanks for putting up with my rubbish... seems someone got sick of it, I lost a follower..LOL.. oh well, this is me, as I am.
xx Nene

8 comments:

  1. so glad you are back! I've been worried about you :-)

    I can just picture your Easter egg hunt - love it!

    I totally understand the lonely in a crowd situation. I tend to be the kind of person people lean on but every now and then when I need someone I look around and realise that that's not what people are expecting from me so they aren't really there in that way - if that makes sense.

    Anyway - take care and know that you've got alot of buds out here in cyber space *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  2. So glad you are ok....sometimes I think it is hard when we rely so much on our husbands. I found this out when mine did his MBA years ago and I was basically a single mother. I luckily have a couple of great friends who will listen and some who will tell me how it is. Marriage is hard work but worth the effort. Hang in there...I am sure your letter will give him time to reflect on stuff! I wish I was closer so we could have a coffee and a chat....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Keep your head up, Nene. My gender and I are not necessarily the quickest to change things around, especially when it comes to the emotional sides of life. Without intruding, I would like to suggest; now that you have communicated your feelings - continue to back them. You can do that non-argumentively. When the smaller instances come up that you would normally swallow back, be communicative, be forthright, but also be endearing and gentle. Recognize that a change in the habits and simple procedures that your marriage has operated on for the past years will be new to him and you may have to re-express your needs from time to time. Just my two cents, hope you don't mind.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can feel for the "no friends" side of things. You just need that girlfriend there who will listen to all the crap and not give advice. I've been feeling isolated too as I am so focused on the band that very few know about. My best friend is miles away but we do keep in touch by e-mail. My hubby too has his own stuff to do and now that my kids are gone, I find it lonely even when he is in the house. Doesn't really get my emotional needs sometimes. How about your sister? Now that you both have something in common (band) and both have little ones around maybe she can be that shoulder for you. One thing I do know, after 28 years of marriage, it is rough. Angels don't sing every single day and there are a lot of rough spots (we had one a couple of days ago too). But I always look back and ask myself is it better to stay or be alone. Right now the answer is stay. As Fat Bastard says, guys are different in so many ways. They don't seem to get the little things unless we tell them. And mine leaves all the family stuff to me to plan-even when I am entertaining his family (yesterday). Hope you cheer up and things work out.

    And young lady-look how much weight you have lost-WOW! Adjusting to that change must also be hard. Have you asked hubby what he thinks about that--I bet he loved you even at your highest weight. Have a nice Monday, and stay away from those pies!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't offer much advice on the hubs thing, except you have to express what you want and it doesnt make you a bitch if you do. After my last relationship (years prior to Tracey), I realized that if you let someone walk all over you, or if you don't stand up for yourself, THEY WILL walk all over you. So when Tracey and I started dating, if something would happen, or he would do something that for me could potentially be a "deal breaker", I would tell him. It's was hard for me bc I don't like confrontation either, and I want to be a people pleaser...but I wasn't going to lay down and give give give. It has made a world of difference in our relationship.

    On a lighter note, I think it is precious that you go to all that work for your kids. You are a wonderful mom!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now. Way to go on putting yourself first and knowing that you are important. You are worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey girlie! So sorry I wasnt around on the weekend to catch your last post but man I hear you!!! 1. Remember - the world falls apart before Flo arrives - no matter how perfect ur world seems! 2. If you want fun in this life you gotta make it for yourself cause aint no one gonna do it for you!!! Its a pity and a shame but we HAVE to take care of that aspect for ourselves - dont wait around for hubby to take you out - YOU take you out!! I have a friend who likes people to show their love for her by organising special things for her and let me just say - she spent her 40th birthday crying and alone. The biggest and best party I organise all year is my own birthday party - every year - without fail (and I'm talking marquees, disco balls and smoke machines). Lets face it - as mums its the ONLY day we can truly be a diva and get away with it so make the most of it!! Its time to start treating yourself like your own best friend and take yourself out there and into life - trust me - you'll love it! (And I bet even Brad Pitt is a shit husband - why else would Angelina look so starved and unhappy???)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lol at Shaggs.....but I think she has a point there!! I have read up to your last post and I am so pleased you are feeling better now and that you wrote that letter to your husband. Must have been "breakdown" week...I have been struggling bigtime also. But we are a hell of a lot stronger than we think and just don't give ourselves enough credit! I love the photos of your long dress in the next post....very flattering:) Your children are just so gorgeous!!

    ReplyDelete