Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I'M OK

Hey all, sorry it's been a while.. as you may have noticed, last entry I was having a freak out.. Yes I caught hubby out on a lie.. Not really a major lie.. BUT let me get this straight.. I Farkin hate lies..
I have had a month of emotional mess.. weight wise, lacking self confidence, eating shit, bad dreams, feeling ugly.. head lice (thanks kids) , my sisters little guy was in hospital again, so I had her 2 older kids for 4 days. Now I find it hard to keep my cool with the 2 that I have, let alone taking on 2 more.. I do love them dearly, but I cant scream like a banchee at them when they annoy me.. Oh I do sound terrible.. BUT in amongst all the emotional turmoil, and me litterally trashing my bedroom in a flight of anger at hubby, I did manage to have a super fantastic day at Dreamworld.. A theme park on the Gold Coast.. It was so nice to just let go, and enjoy myself for a day. I took my nephew and his girlfriend (both aged 15) and my 2 little angels..everyone was so well behaved, so stress free.. Apart from Ayisha peeing her pants a couple of times.. LOL.. But I was prepared, I took extra knickers for her, as I knew the excitement of it all would be too much for her.. Every time I offered to take her to the toilet, she would tell me she didnt need to go.. I think she really did, but she just didnt want to miss anything. The one time she did tell me that she needed to go, we had just got to the front of the line for a ride, there was really no way out... she had already done half of it in her pants, so I told her to just let it out once we were on the ride.. LOL.. It was a water ride anyway.. lol

Ummm, what else...?? Yeah, i bought the kids a baby budgie bid each, a light blue one for Montel and a pretty pale purple one for Ayisha.. once getting them home, and taking them out of the cage, one flew towards Ayisha, and she shit herself.. Not litterally... but she was so frightened that she said she doesnt want it anymore.. So i guess you could say I have aquired myself a baby budgie.. Montel named his "Trooper" and I named mine & Ayisha's "Peppy" .. they were both only 1 week out of the nest when we got them, so were both really small, Trooper has grown, but Peppy is still small.. Peppy is the fiesty one, and Trooper is really laid back, and calm.. The personalities of these birds suit thier owners ( being that Peppy was bought for Ayisha) lol .. They are both boys, but Montel calls Peppy a girl because he is always kissing Trooper.. I'm cool with that.

Today is another court date mention for the girl who robbed me. I never thought it would affect me so much.. I have been feeling so anxious about it all. I will find out from the public prossicutions office when and if she gets a sentencing date.. it all depends on her Psych evaluation.. yes, she is claiming that she has mental issues.. dont they all??? grrrrrrrrr
The thing that frustrates me so much is that fact that she made me so scared and vulnerable by using the knife so close to my face, when in any other situation if she gave me a hard time in the street or if she didnt have a weapon, I wouldnt think twice about snotting her one.. Now when i even see her sitting in the local bus stop, I gag and retch.. when it comes to her pressence, I have no self control.. and I just hate it.
My doctor says that she thinks I may have Post Traumatic Stress.. and is considering putting me on something to calm me a little.. I just dont want anything that makes me dependant upon it. Or makes me like a zombie. I'll talk to her when I see her for a fill next week.

Well I have dribbled on enough for now, and will post some pics soon.
xx Nene
Thanks to those of you who offered your support

6 comments:

  1. Nene - I was just thinking of you yesterday!!! I'm glad you are doing alright.

    I had no idea you were robbed - that sounds terrible! And to have to see her around the place - sooooo horrible.

    As far as getting something from your doctor - truly consider it. Anti-anxiety/depression medication isn't addictive and shouldn't make you zombie like if you are on the right dose. I am on anti-depressents and I like to think they just turn down my 'give-a-shitter' so that I don't over-react to situations. They just make you feel like normal when things are out of whack.

    Hopping off my soap box now :-)

    Take care of yourself

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  2. Obviously, a crappy few days ahead. Look ahead, all this will pass.

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  3. Whoa...you have really been through a lot.. :( I hope it only goes up from here for ya!!

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  4. Oh Nene. So glad to hear from you. I didn't know about the robbery but will agree with your doc about a little something, something. Last week I had it particularly bad and had to pop a couple of anti-anxiety pills. I only take as needed and my doc only gave me a few so I couldn't get dependent on them. I have been on anti-depressants for years in the past (not now) so this is sort of like a band-aid for the really tough times. Being held up at knife point is so traumatic, I couldn't even imagine but can understand how you feel when you see her. Get well. And glad you are back. Really truly we were just a tad bit worried (ok I was really really worried) about you.

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  5. How traumatic for you and to see her around must be awful. Glad things are all ok,...well sort of ;) You have had a heap on. Take care

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  6. Sounds like you have been having a tough time!! Sorry to hear that Nene. See what the doctor says....we sometimes can't see it ourselves when we are stressed to the eyeballs until someone else points it out or we have a total wobbly!! The budgies sounds like a hoot:)

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