From Fatness To Fitness

Welcoming Aaliyah and Malikah

2011-09-23T11:50:00.002+10:00

Aaliyah (right) 5lb 9 oz Malikah (left) 4lb 13 oz. Born Tuesday 13th Sept 2011
My Amazing Children..

Leaving hospital.. they are so tiny in their capsules

The day before my c section..

My first cuddles with both of them.. they actually look a whole lot bigger in this pic.. they really are so tiny.. size 000000 and size 00000

I have so much to say, but right now sleep in on my mind.. I do promise to post very soon, and get the ball rolling with my weight loss again.. My pre preg weight was 119kg, I got up to 133kg on the day of the birth, and a week and 3 days later I am back down to 120kgs.. I am however very sad to see how floppy my tummy has become.. oh well my little angels are so worth it..

Upates and lots more pics to come..

xxx Nene

HELLO HELLO HELLO

2011-08-31T10:00:00.002+10:00

Well I must say, this has been one long blogging draught. Over the last few days I have received a couple of messages, asking me what the latest is... Then when I was out yesterday with my sister, I saw Tammy ( a follower of my blog, mentioned months and months ago in my blog, who once recognized me from my pics, whilst I was out and about ) Tammy said she had been checking in on my blog and waiting for any update on what was going on with me.. Sooo, let me fill you in..
I am now 35 weeks pregga's, with 2 baby girls on board.. I am sheduled for my c section (and tubal ligation) on 13th September. 13 days to go!!!!
Although this pregnancy has been difficult, I have remained really quite healthy as far as no issues with blood pressure, gestational diabetes etc... I have had no ankle swelling, morning sickness subsided at the textbook time of 4 months.. I guess the only thing to complain of is the fact that I have developed veins where I never knew veins could be.. Each time I stand, I feel like I have royally been kicked in the coochie.. it does subside after a minute or two, but it very uncomfortable. My legs now resemble city street maps, all of raised bummpy purple veins. They also throb at times.. But hey, I know some women suffer so badly, so I consider myself one of the lucky ones.
I do have one complaint that I wont appologise for and that is how fricken heavy my stomach feels. When walking, sitting, laying down, it feels so damn heavy. The Obstetrician told me that I am carrying at least 5kg (11lb) of fluids within my stomach, not to mention the weight os the 2 placentas and the bubs.. Currently Baby A is weighing 6lb 1oz and Baby B is 4lb 12 oz.. which is just 4.5kg of babies weight.. Add them together, and I have at least 10kg (22lb) of weight just sitting in my front.. Which makes for very little and uncomfortable sleep.. And as for my personal weight gain, I have gained 10kg in this pregnancy.. Which I guess is lucky.. Some women gain a whole lot more, and the most important part is that babies are healthy, which they are.
The smaller of the 2 bubs is currently the correct average weight of a single bub at my gestation, so I'm guessing that the larger of the 2 is just a little guts.. lol.. The doctors arent too alarmed, because both are still gaining weight..
I do however have to go and have ultrasounds and hospital visits each week now. Certainly makes for some fun and interesting people watching.. lol..
I am extremely fearfull of the c section coming up though.. Although I have already had 2 of them, I detest the thought of being awake whilst my body is open, feeling them tug and pull at me to get the bubs and placentas out.. I fear that I will become nauseas whilst they are operating, and the horrible feeling of the shivers.. It would be so much more relaxing if I could just go under a general anesthetic for the procedure, but in saying that, I want to be able to see my girls as soon as they are born.. Time will tell, and what will be will be.. As long as these bubs are healthy is the main thing.
I will also say that when I had the ultrasound to find out the sex of the bubs, myself, hubby, and almost everyone around us were in shock to discover that it is 2 girls.. I had predicted very other variation, but not 2 girls.. All I could think of was... 2 more heads of wild curly out of control afro hair to deal with.. But then had to giggle to myself thinking, what gave me the right to think my prediction would be the right one.. Hubby was taken aback, and I'm thinking a little in denial, partly because he was hoping that the passing of his father would bring forward for us a little boy.. But he has happily adjusted to the fact that he is aquiring 2 more daughters. Montel (our son) was litteraly in tears for the whole afternoon, asking me why I couldnt just have had at least 1 boy. He was devestated. I told him to look on the bright side and that he wouldnt have to share any of his boy toys, to which he replied that he would love to share them , and would be such a good brother to a baby boy.. I told him that he is a wonderful brother to the sister he already has, and that I know he will be wonderful for the twins. He has come around, but now every time I go for an ultrasound, he asks me to ask them to check for testicles..lol.. he really is a precious boy. I love him with all my heart..
As time gets closer, I do find myself worrying of how I will spread my time amongst 4 children.. I do not want the older 2 to ever feel left out.. I am however, lucky that they are both in school, which will give me quality baby time though the day and hopefully work on a routine to help Montel and Ayisha with homework and leisure time after school.. It'll take time, but I'll get there. I recently heard a saying "God wouldnt give us what we couldnt handle" ... I'm not religious, but I'm depending on this mantra to get me through.. lol..

Well there is probably alot that I still havent covered, but die to this baby brain, its all I can think of.. Any questions, or ideas to give.. please drop me a line..

xx Nene
Pics to come..

MORE BIG NEWS!!!

2011-04-12T09:55:00.003+10:00

Hello to those of my remaining followers.. lol.. I have some more big news for you all.. And for those of you that are my friend of facebook, you may already know.. As I mentioned 2 posts ago, I am pregnant.. well as I think I mentioned.. I was scedualled to go for an ultrasound at 13 weeks gestation.. So off I go, bladder as full as a balloon about to pop, accompanied by my mum. I get on the bed, and the stenographer put the cold jelly on my tum, then the ultrasound thingy.. and Straight away I knew what I was seeing... Yes, I had had my suspicions, but never really thought that it would happen to me.. but... there on the screen I could see.. not 1 but 2 little sacs with heart beats.. All I could say was "Ohhh SHIT!!!" , my mum was wondering what I was on about, and i said "There's 2 in there mum" , and mum looked at the stenographer for confirmation.. she got the nod, and mum jumped up and gave me cuddles whilst I lay there numb with wonder.. So there you have it ladies, I am pregnant with twins.. at this stage I am 15 weeks, when I went for that first ultrasound, I thought I was 13 weeks, turned out that I was only 11.. so it has put me back a bit.. But in 4 weeks, I get to find out their sex.. I cant wait, I just want to go shopping. Because I know that later on, I will feel too damn big and uncomfortable to go anywhere. I am still working, but am constantly tired. The sickness has subsided, but I still get the horrible dry mouth. Nothing can quench my thirst. I wake up to pee every couple of hours through the night, so it's hard to get a decent sleep. I guess this will get me ready for waking for night feeds. God Help me!!! lol.. Weight wise, I havent gained any kgs/lbs.. But I feel as big as a house. I had all my fill taken out ( not sure if I mentioned that before) but I still cant seem to eat much, and still occasionaly get stuck. So I try to graze all day on healthy snacks, just to get enough nurtrients in for the babies. There really isnt much information out there for woman who have had lapband who are now pregnant.. A couple of things I have come accross since announcing to a few people that I am carrying twins.. #1. I get asked was the conception assisted (IVF)??? Where do people get the nerve... so many people just make assumptions, and it is a very personal question.. you dont just come out and ask that of anyone.. I'd get offended from that question whether I had used IVF or not. #2. When I tell someone that it's twins, they automatically go "Ohhhhh"in a negative way, and start giggling.. and say.. "Thats gonna be hell" ..... Usually these are people that pop babies out without a thought... they are also the kind that just ditch them in daycare each day, just so they can go and have coffee with friends... They are also the kind that dread school holidays... I simply say when they make a complaint on facebook... Why did you even have children??? There are so many woman in the world who would just be so happy to have 1 healthy pregnancy/baby/child, and here they are taking what they have for granted... I'm not completely head in the clouds thinking that twins will be a breeze, but they are a blessing in which I have been gifted. #3. They automatically go on about the band.. "Ohh what a waste, now you're gonna get fat all over again".. Well Dah... if it means that I put on weight to keep the bubs healthy, then so be it. I will however get my band tightened when I am back in the swing of things afterwards. Ok... rants over with for now.. However, I am sure I will come across more before september.. Well I best get back to work. Just wanted to update you all, and share my news.. Have a lovely day xx Nene

Pics From Ghana

2011-03-11T09:42:00.002+10:00

Above is a set of his and hers toilets at an Ego Lodge accomodation, owned and built by our friends.. They have the primative look on the outside, but inside they are western style toilets.. Most places over there use squat toilets.. So this was a luxury to come by..
This is me and my friend the croc at a place called Paga, it cost about $3 to pose with the beast and we took our own pictures.. However for the locals, they only pay about 50cents... In this country, they are not shy to bump up the price for white tourists.. their price lists very openly have their prices for locals and prices for tourists..

You will notice I have plenty of pics of me holding or posing with babies and children.. They are just so cute.. however on this day, it was so hot, and this baby had layers of warm clothing on, and also smelled of vicks rub.. I felt even hotter just by holding him. So cute though..

Ok, my hair had been done by the time I had this pic.. It took 7 hours.. in a steaming hot rickety hair salon.. It cost me about $6.50, where as over here it cost anywhere around $400... the beauty of this style was that I didnt have to brush, or straighten it for the rest of the trip.. This ic was taken at the Cape Coast Elmina Slave Castle.. Such a sad sad history.. I was just on the other side of "The Door Of No Return", there is now a thriving fishing village there..

A family pic on the top lookout of the Slave Castle.. Seems I wore this dress alot whilst away.. But remembering, I had to pack light and comfortable without ironing.. lol... you will see plenty more pics of me in this dress..

More pics to come...

BIG UPDATE / NEWS

2011-03-09T11:38:00.002+10:00

Well hello there my lovlies, those of you who are still around.. I know it has been months since I posted anything, but for almost 2 of those months, I was away over in Ghana (West Africa).. and had the time of my life.. I really didnt want to come back home from there.. It did wonders for my soul.. The weather over there was Hot Hot or Hot.. they were having the hamatan weather which they consider their winter.. Hmm, sweating and getting a good tan in winter, is not what I'm used to, but either way, it didnt take away from the fact that I loved the place to bits.
I even got to pet a crocodile, and hold it's tail whilst posing for a picture. (Will be sure to post pics)
In the time there, I got to spend some quality times with my in-laws, and there were plenty of tears when it was time to leave.. Even the kids, who were crying when we were leaving Australia to go there, were crying when we were leaving Ghana, because they loved it so much too. For the first 5 weeks of our stay we spent with the family in the north of the country (14 hour road trip) the streets and houses are all covered by a rich red dust (also made worse by the Hamatan, desert winds from the desert countries further north) Every single day my sister in law would bring a cooked meal to us and take our washing home to handwash.. I kind of felt useless... Being so used to doing these things at home, I kind of felt a little lost.. But now that I'm back into the swing of those daily chores, I realise I should have really enjoyed it more.. But instead, I just felt guilty.. She simply said that she knows I would do the same for her if she came here... Well yes, I would cook for her and do her washing, but I use a washing machine and there is only one of her, there were clothes for 4 of us... The for the last 10 days, we spent in the south, a few of those days in the capital city (Accra) and then 6 of them in a place called Busua Beach. The resort was like a little paradise on eather.. It was nice to have a little luxury before the long journey home.
I had 1.4mls left in my 5 ml band when I went over.. And on the flight, it tightened dramatically, I really couldnt eat much at all.. Even on transit in Dubai, I was running to the bathroom to get rid of my blockage only to find there being a huge line up... Ohhh, the slime, gathering in my mouth... NOT GOOD!!!! in the end i made it.. And then trying to throw up quietly when there are women coming and going in the cubicles either side of me... I just hoped they didnt think I was trying to smuggle drugs...
Anyway, after 26 hours in flights, we arrived home in Brisbane... Dog Tired...Jet Lagged...Swollen Ankles (me anyway)... and with a few kg weight gain...

Sadly 2 days after arriving home, we got the called that my father in law had passed away. We knew it was close, and we feel so blessed that we were able to spend some time with him before his passing, but it was still so upsetting.. A very strong, proud and hardworking man, whose mind was as sharp as a tack till the very end.. Passed away peacefully aged.... 107...
But now for the upside... it was only a couple of days after that, that I made a discovery... and that discovery was...............................................................................I'm pregnant... I see it as my little "Gift from Ghana"..
Soo, fast forward to today, I am 11 weeks preg and go for my first ultrasound on Monday.. I have never felt so tired and sick. I didnt get sick or tired with my first 2..so this part of it all is very new to me.. I did go a couple of weeks back and get the remainder of my fill taken out, and now my band is completely empty.. But the funny part is, I seem to be eating even less than before.. I guess it could be all part of the pregnancy.. I just hope this sickness is the textbook pregnancy kind, and will be over at the end of my first trimester.. I also want to fast forward to my mid term ultrasound to find out the sex.. In the begginning I was certain it will be a boy, but now I am not so sure.. I was dead certain with both my boy and my girl.. Ohh well only another 9 weeks till I find that out.. And no, I cant wait and keep it a suprise.. I want to get to shopping..

So my weight is now at 118kg, and I feel like shit for it, but when I look back at last year, then the trip I had... Well, so be it, I can shake it off when bub has been born..

So I hope this brings you guys up to date with me, that is if anyone still checks me out... Just call me slack...

xx Nene

VOMITTING BLOOD

2010-11-14T16:33:00.004+10:00

Well my dear luvlies, let me say, I gave myself a great scare.. Yes, at 11:15pm on Friday night, I was woken from my slumber with a horrible scratchy feeling inside.. kind of in my chest and around my band site area.. I got out of bed to get a drink in hope that it would ease the discomfort.. Sip...sip...sip.. hmmm feel a little pool of coldness gather within my chest... then off I race to the bathroom sink.. gag...gag... up comes the water (bringing up cold water feels kinf of strange dontcha think??) anyway, after the amount of water I drank exited my mouth, I gagged once more and up came a splatter of blood, a generous amount of blood.. so much infact that I thought perhaps bringing up the water had caused my gum to open again (having had 2 teeth removed around a week ago) but no, my gum was fine, no sign of blood coming from there, then up I chuck again.. more blood.. Here I was leaning over the bathroom sink (I cant bare to throw up into a toilet) I was scared, tired, my coochie was itching like a bitch (re- lichen sclerosis) I was thinking please dont be anything serious, I have a big not to mention extremely expensive trip/vacation coming in 2 weeks.. I so dont want anything to happen that could jeapodise it, but most of all I was so scared..I went back to the fridge and got more water, I tried to sip it and see if it would stay down, I felt a gurgle and gagged again, this time my saliva was slightly coloured with blood, but not the deep red from before.. I was too rattled to go back to bed, so I layed on the lounge and watched tv for a while, I kept sipping on water.. Hubby got up when he heard me watching tv.. I asked him what it means when you vomit blood.. he sounded concerned and just said "You need to see a doctor".. I eventually went back to bed, with a million things going though my mind, and found a few hours sleep before having to start work at 5:30am.. Once at work, I had a small flavoured milk, just to try to line my gurgling stomach, but it felt like swallowing razor blades.. But I finally got to thinking... I recalled that not long before going to bed, I took a Folic Acid capsule, and perhaps I didnt take it with enough water.. ANYWAY, I called my band nurse's Emergency number, and as it turns out, she was in another state, but she sent my number to another doctor who could help me.. cutting out the middle crap... I went to this doctors home, and explained what I thought about taking the folic acid capsule before bed.. he said I was right on the money, and that what would have happened was that the capsule had gotten stuck to the lining of my esophogus, and caused swelling, which was the reason for the scratchy discomfort that make me want water, then the swelling wouldnt let the water go down, then the gagging dislodged the capsule from the lining, causing the bleed... THANK GOD thats all it was...So I had an unfill.. I did have 3.5ml in a 5ml band, he took out 2.5ml.. Hello unrestriction... what a feeling of freedom.. but the funny thing is, all I feel like eating if healthy chunky salads and meat.. I have been living on slops because my band was too fricken tight..

So, I hope this is a warning to all banded luvlies out there.. drink lots when taking a capsule.. because they are coated in that plasticy looking shell, they get quite sticky..I'm too scared to ever take one again.

I best end here.. hubby needs to computer to study for his exams.. thank god I get Wifi tomorrow..
xx Nene

Sharing Some Pics

2010-11-08T16:17:00.002+10:00

About a year ago, I had a guy approach me in the local super market. He handed me his card and explained that he is a photographer and he would love to photograph Ayisha (my daughter) .. Automatically, I thought, HOLD THE HELL UP!!! creepy.. but after checking out his website, over a few months and then him and his family becoming regular customers to our shop, I got to know him and his family, and realised that they really are lovely and trustworthy peope and that there is no denying that his work is gorgeous.. So, finally after soo long, I arranged an appointment to go and see him at his studio with Ayisha, and whilst we were in there, he was explaining that he does coffe table books to raise money for a kids with cancer charity. And that he would like to feature Ayisha's pictures in a book, if I would allow.. Yada yada yada, then whilst talking about this, he asked if Ayisha had any siblings, and I pointed outside at Montel playing handball on the footpath. The photography (Greg) asked Montel to come inside and he asked me if he could also photograph Montel as well. I said yes, then a few days later we arranged a time and place to have a session. And these were the outcome.

This pic above just sums Montel up so well.. He is a very deep soul. He thinks alot, and it so sensitive.. I love him so dearly

My little bumble bee flolicking on the bushes.. By the end of the session, she was telling the photographer where she wanted to sit or pose and be captured.

If you are amongst my facebook friends, you will probably have seen a whole lot more of these photos from the session. I am so proud of my beautiful babies..

In the last few days since posting, I have had my wisdom tooth and the one next to it, surgically removed.. Fark it has hurt so much, in between taking super strong pain killers.. I'm kind of sad that the pack has run out, and am not eligable to get a repeat prescription.. They were my magical little high pills.. it was good while it lasted. the pain has subsided, and I get my stictches out on Wednesday. All I can say is thank god I got them out when i did, I cant imagine going to my Summerbeats concert with a throbbing swollen mouth.. or worse still flying out of the country with my gum stitched up.. However,I should have saved some pain killer for the flight to make me nice and drowsy. Oh well..

I am also off the anti-depressants.. and glad to be. They were sabotaging my weight loss, and making me feel like a tired lump of sedentary shit, day in day out.. Here's hoping that I can stay above it all, and stay on the up and up.. A new year is a approaching and hopefully i kick this current year away and not look back at it..

Well my lovelies, I am at work, and should really be getting back to it.. Will post again soon, I promise.. I will get my blogging mojo back.. I will..

xx Nene

Concerts, Travel and a Problem HooHaa

2010-11-02T11:03:00.003+10:00

Hey all, I know I'm still not back at my frequent blogging, But hey, I'm trying.. A couple of weeks ago, I got a fill.. I think I mentioned it in my previous post.. Well I am at a point where I am pissed off with it (restriction) It is still very tight, and I have even managed to PB some ice cream.. (kick my ass for eating ice cream, bad bad bad) but when nothing much else is getting down, I gotta have something in my tum. As for the scales, well I thought with the huge lack of food getting down and staying down that it would have shifted the pesky lil scales downwards, but nope, nada, zip, zappo... I am still struggling to shift the number down by 1kg and keep it down.. its like a damn see-saw. However when I take my focus off the scales I do see in my side profile that my tum is shrinking slightly.. I will continue to suffer with the lack of food, untill the week before I go on my trip, then I will get ALL of my fill removed for whilst I am away.. Lord knows I dont want to have any complications with my band in the middle of Africa.. lol... a place where "Big is beautiful" ... well hold on... it is, but I dont feel it when I am big.. Sooo...
on the 21st of Nov, my fam is getting together for an early christmas, because this is the first Christmas that I will ever have been away at the festive time. We will exchange gifts and have a day around the pool at my parents house with a roast and a bbq.. I will honestly say that I intend to eat up.

Another exciting thing this month... SUMMERBEATS!!! on the 19th Nov, hubby, myself and Montel are going to the Summerbeats concert..Featuring Akon, Flo Rida, Soulja Boy, DJ Nino Brown, Jay Sean, Stan Walker, Ciara and Tracie McCoy... now although I am excited, this was not my first prefference of a concert to go to.. But since not being able to secure the Usher tickets that we so desperately wanted.. they were sold in minutes :( So, to make it up to my lil guy, I surprised him with tickets to this Summerbeats concert.. I am looking forward to 6 hours of noise.. Yay!!!.. I'm sure it will be fun. Heck, I'm only 31, need to take the nanna pyjamas off and get out and boogie..

Oh Oh Oh,, the other day I did something..then thought to myself, I should blog about it.. See, I really am trying to get my blogging groove back.. Now back to what I was doing.... I was taking bites out of food (not telling what it was though , coz it was naughty) and chewing it and spitting it into the bin, it wouldnt have made it past my food nazi band at the moment anyway, BUT I came to the realisation that, unless the food goes down my throat, it doesnt satisfy my craving for it. I may not even be hungry, but still want it to go down.. Do you all get what I mean??? Brings a whole new meaning to the question "Do you prefer to spit or swallow"? ohh bad bad bad..

And now i go below the belt and tell you a problem that I have been sufferring with for a few years now.. A gyno problem.. a problem with my HooHaa... Yes, I went to the gyno after my GP always telling me that it was a dermatitis, it was thrush, it was an allergy.. But no, finally after a farkin biopsy at the gyno, I find out that I have Lichen Sclerosis.. Yes, go on, click on that link, and see what pain and sufferring I go through... is it any fricken wonder I get depression, my fricken coochie is sick, it's depressed, its just plain old sore.. Imagine, every time you pee and need to wipe yourself, it feels like I'm wiping myself with a piece of sand paper, or a grater.. And sex... dont get me started on the pain after sex... and now the gyno informs me that i have slight labial fusion..my inner lips are clinging to my outter ones... blow me farkin down.. So there you have some more insider info on me.. Although I have had this problem for a few years, it does come and go.. but this latest bout has been with me for about 7 months so far. I'm just lucky that hubby is supportive with it..

Well my lovelies, I will end here, as I am at work, and today is Melbourne Cup Day and all the pisshead punters want pies..

xx Nene

A New Goal

2010-10-15T13:26:00.004+10:00

Hello my lovlies... Well heres some band news for ya's... I got a fill yesterday.. and now my band is as tight as a fish's arse..Yesss sirrr eeee... I love it.. I have not even thought of eating a pie today.. I have not felt hungry since my cup of tea this morning..
I now have 3.6ml in 5ml band.. I have not had this kind of restriction since I first got banded.. My goal is to be down to 105kg for my trip on 27th nov.. which means I gotta lose 7kg in 6 weeks.. God help me.. But I really want to do this..
When I first was banded, i used to look around and judge those who had been banded and had not been successfull with losing weight.. I would think.. How can you not be losing weight??? WTF are you scoffing down and doing wrong.. Well spank my ass and call me a bitch.. How naive was I?? I now realise that it is quite easy to be banded and not lose weight, and infact even gain weight, as i have this year.. I can sit back and blame the anti depressants, and all the other emotional shit I have been going through.. Which have made me lose sight of many aspects of the weight loss journey.. BUT.. all along, I have so hated being fat, and losing weight was one of the only things that made me so happy and in control of. I am now taking control back and getting into this again. In my first year of being banded, It was my goal to get down to 100kg by my first bandiversary... DIDNT HAPPEN.. but it was only a week after my 1st bandiversary that I had recorded a 40kg loss.. and I was loving it.. but it was almost like as soon as I had hit the 40kg loss, I gave up, and caved in to eating all that was bad for me.
Now I am nearing my 2nd bandiversary, and with willpower, and better food choices and exercise there is hope..
Right now I weigh 112kg.. Lets see where I end up (scalewise) on my 2nd bandiversary.. 29/01/11...

Ohhh, Aussie ladies. I have an idea.. Inspired by "Work In Progress's"post about having B.O.O.B.S get together over here... I am still excited and all for it.. and have thought, if suitable to many of you.. how about we all go on a short P&O cruise.. food, drinks (non-alcoholic) , entertainment and accomodation all inclusive of about $100 per day... and for those who cant get a sitter, could bring the kids or family and use the kids club... Because if you look into accomodation and food , etc a get together would cost us each more than $100 per day... what do you think??? any other ideas???? But of course, I wouldnt be able to afford to do this untill after march next year...

Well time is short right now, and I gotta leave work.. Will post again soon, and share some pics..

xx Nene

SHOP SHOP SHOPPING

2010-09-13T16:07:00.003+10:00

Hey there luveeees, I been shoppin.. and shopping.. retail therapy. Gotta love it. Shopping for Ayisha's 5th birthday (which is this wednesday) shopping for our early christmas that we will celebrate here with family before our travel, and shopping for gifts for people that we will see whilst on our travels.. And of course whilst looking for all these things at the shops, I happen to find myself in dress shops, and puchasing some lovely new spring clothes.. Check out one of my latest in the pic below. It was taken yesterday at a friends get together. Not liking the fact that my bra straps we hanging out though.. I really should have paid more attention to detail.. lol

I will have to get some more pics and put them up for your viewing..

I went and had .5ml put back in my band, and I have decent restriction for a change.. however, I would like perhaps another .2 of a ml.. I am really wanting to get down to 100kg before I go away.. This whole waitloss thing is taking alot longer than I anticipated, but I also never expected that my emotional state would change so rapidly either. I am pretty much on top of the depression, but just lately (last few days) I still have had a bit of anxiety (throat constricting, gasping for a deeper breath, tight chest etc..) I will have to have a word with my GP again.. I swear he must get sick of me, I know I get sick of seeing his waiting room..
Things between hubby and I are going fantasticly. I have learnt that life is alot easier if I actually communicate my thoughts and feelings..
I am going to make it my goal for this week to lose 1 kg (at least).. this means.. NO PIES!!! NO CHOCOLATE!!! I never even liked chocolate before being banded.. pies are harder to eat since my fill, but that doesnt stop me from digging away at the guts of it.. bad bad bad.. lol
Well thats all from me now my dears
xx Nene

I'm still here :)

2010-09-01T09:11:00.004+10:00

Hmmm, where to start.. Let me start by thanking those of you who have been supportive of me, and even sending me private messages to check up on me.. You are all too beautiful..
Now, I am starting to think that my lack of blogging and not reading others blogs has contributed to my weight gain, oh also as well as the fact that I have been shovelling all kinds of shit into my mouth at all times of day.. well not all times, how about contantly..
I have completely lost my battle with that bastard pie oven, and to be 100% honest, I have eaten a pie every fricken day for the last few months.. Heck even on my day off, I come into work, just to get one.. Oh when will I find a healthy addiction??? But let me tell you something a little strange.. Almost everything I eat gets stuck.. I can PB 3 times a day.. but once I have done the PB, I can go back and finish a whole foot long sub from subway (salad on it only).. When it comes to food, I am a fricken lost cause.. I made a deal with myself this morning before coming to work that I would not touch the pie oven.. Well guess what, i havent touched the pie oven, but have alreay had a small bag of lollies and a small chocolate heart and a wagon wheel (choc marshmallow cookie).. So I am confused, because i know I need to be having much smaller portions, but everything is getting stuck... I will have to go and see my band nurse...
So thats pretty much all I have to say about my band right now, Oooh, and the fact that I am up to 112kgs... FARK!!!!

Ok, now for the emotional crap... Yes, I am still on the anti depressants..and still have been going to the clinical psychologist.. She is wonderful, and has helped me alot.. Now I believe that I need to tune into helping myself, and realise that a thought it just a thought, and not let it get a hold of me.. I do still have a down day here and there, and perhaps when i get to losing weight again, I will climb higher up the ladder in feeling like my self again.. but as at now, I am able to see the funny side of things again, and enjoy my family and not be so angry all the time..

Now for some new news.. . I'M GOIN ON A TRIP....A BIG TRIP!!!!!! Yes yes yes, myself, hubby and the kids are going to Ghana, West Africa for christmas... tickets are booked, and we leave Brisbane on 27th Nov, and return on 10th Jan.. I am so excited that I could just pee.. Now in my hubby's area, they dont really celebrate Christmas, so we will have an early one here with my family, and the kids will get their pressies then, however "Santa" wont be as generous this year, as this trip is costing a damn fortune.. But most importantly.. my hubby, and of couse the kids and I, will get to see his father one more time.. not to sound nedative, but you see my father-in-law is in his mid 90s , so the chances of us making it back to Ghana again in the next few years are slim. And the fact that my hubby lost his 47 year old brother (lung cancer) and 29 year old sister (heart attack) last year, is proof that time is of the essence, and quality time is needed, and soon.. His father was hit by a car 2 months ago, and was lucky enough to have survived with a dislocated leg, and stitches to his head.. So all I can think, is hold out for us Pops..
Now for those of you that arent on my facebook, you wont have seen this picture below. It was taken at Suncorp Stadium when we went to watch a Soccer/Football Game. Montels junior team did the march past before the game so we got to go for free.. Fun fun fun, but I was too busy watching the drunken observers for the losing team.. they were a little more entertaining..

Ayisha was more interested in her DSi, and I dont know whose ass that is behind me.. lol

Well my dears, I will end here and get to sweeping the grass that the workers have walked through the shop.. luv u all..

xx Nene

FEELING A BIT BETTER

2010-07-14T11:13:00.002+10:00

Hi there, well finally I have something positive to say.. I kind of feel like I am coming back to the land of the "Living and Functioning" .. I guess it just means that my meds are kicking in and doing their job. Its such a nice feeling to be a little more positive and relaxed. I must also say that Hubby is being great too..
Now that my head in in a clearer space, I need to get focussing on my weight again. I am sitting at 109.4kg as of this morning. Which is only 2 or 3 kg less than what I was on New Years Day this year. My lowest weight this year has been 105.9kg.. So I need to kick my own ass, and choose healtheir foods. Comfort foods, sliders, etc have been my best friend over this mind numbing time. I am now addicted to chocolates and lollies like I never have been before. So not good. BUT I WILL pick my act up, get my band tightened and move on from the naughty foods.

Changing the subject for a minute.. I want to raise something that has been bugging me and has hurt my feelings for a little while now.. I dont know if any of you remember at the beginning of the year, a friend of mine got banded.. this is the same friend that I went on a short holiday getaway with lastyear, with my hubby and our kids as well as her kids.. There are pictures somewhere of it. ANYWAY!!! a couple of months ago, we had organized for my family to go out to her new place for a BBQ to meet her new boyfriend, and so forth.. Now, I know I was wrong in not making contact and cancelling on her, however this is in the time I was starting to sink pretty low and when we spoke on the phone a few days after, she was drunk and I explained that things werent good with me, and it was even affecting my marraige, and that I was terribly sorry for letting her down. ... So at that time on the phone she was ok, and said it was fine because they had other people over anyway. ... Then a couple of days later, I get an email from her accusing me of making excuses and lieing about the state that my marraige is in and so forth, she even want as far as accusing me of being jealous of her weightloss so far...... and then it was that right there that made me think... Some friend? She couldnt know me too freakin well if she could accuse me of that.. obviously doesnt give a crap about my emotional stability or anything else for that matter. I was the one that pushed for her to get the band in the first fricken place.. I havent seen her since she has had it done, because she is too loved up with her new man. It has opened my eyes about a few things, and once again it has brought forward the realisation that TRUE friends are hard to find.
But then that is another story that I have for you all..
There is a lady/customer that comes into work, and she has always been lovely, and concerned about me, as she spotted the difference in me.. She asked for my address and said she may pop over for a coffee.. Then I find out from another customer who lives accross the road from this lady (Lillianne) that she is the friend/neighbor from hell.. She will arrive on the doorstep at any hour of the day, let herself in, arrive quietly, intrude on any personal issues or arguements in the house, try to verbally dicipline your kids.. etc etc.. So, one day i walked in to work, and she was being served by my mum, and she turned to me and said in an accusing voice.. "Just when do you think I can catch you at home?? I have been over 4 times this week.".. I was stunned and mum said "She's a busy girl, it's best to catch her here".
Anyway, fast forward to the next Thursday, (my usual day off), Montel was home sick from school, and we just spent the day at home watching movies.. I just happened to spot Lillianne pulling up slowly out front, about to do a u-turn to park on my side of the street. i had never moved so fast to wind all my blinds shut, and grabbed Montel to come into my bedroom... The next thing I hear is KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK, loud enough to wake the dead... then when I think it has stopped, i hear her footsteps down the side of my house, as she walks around to my back door. At the time Montel needs to cough, so i put a pillow in front of his face to block the sound out.. Finally she leaves, leaving me pissed off that she has walked right around my yeard to try to see into my house.. Now as far as I know.. If someone doesnt answer the front door, it's time to leave. Soo, ever since then, I have really been distant from this lady, and I think she is finally getting the hint.. I will never give me address again.. Shhheeeesh, it's nice to have friends, but I dont want to be taken over.. and another thing.. she wants to know the ins and outs of my sex life. When I told her I had gone on anti-depressants, she automatically asked me, if it has affected my sex life....WTF???

As for the dog, I think I forgot to mention, we named her Milly..She really is very sweet, smart, sometimes a bit too mischeivious, BUT she makes me smile.

Tomorrow, i go and see a new Clinical Psychologist. I am sure that this time things will be better. She has alot of great reviews. As it also turns out, the one who robbed me, has her court sentencing tomorrow. I dont have much faith in the justice system here, so i cant say i am confident she will serve time. Who knows.

Well, I will love and leave you all for now. Thank you so much for your support in my time of need..
xx Nene

UPDATE

2010-07-02T13:11:00.002+10:00

Hey all, let me get you up to speed on the goings on with me.. I have now been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I am also now on anti-depressants, and have been for a few weeks now. I didnt really want to get onto them, but I came to a point where there was no choice. I have been reffered to a pshycologist for treatment, however the one I chose and had my appointment with was absolutely horrible.. I big smelly guy with a filthy couch and pokey, smelly office, who pretty much said that I should quit my job, and that our business has been known for Robbery and hold ups, and that he cant see me making any kind of recovery unless I leave my job.. FUCKING IDIOT!!!! He also said he wanted to hypnotise me, to see if I could go further into detail of the robbery.. He seemed more interested in the fact that it was a female that robbed me, and kept asking if she was a druggo.. anyway enough said.. I am now in search of a half decent psychologist..if there are any..My GP is even considering reporting him, as he seemed very unprofessional, and unhelpful.

Even though I am on this medication, I still am not back to what I was.. I long to feel like I am myself again.. sometimes, I feel like I am on the outside looking in on myself and the goings on around me. I feel numb, I cant seem to laugh, cant cry and find it hard to smile, although I try for the sake of my kids.

On a lighter note.. I have adopted a new puppy.. I was at work, when an old guy came in the shop, and handed her over to me, he said "I just cant keep her, she needs kids to play with"... So guess what??? My kids seemed the perfect candidates.. they have been asking for a dog for the longest time.. I cant help but wonder if she was sent to me somehow.. to help make me feel a bit better emotionally.. Because she has lifted my spirits somewhat..She is about 4 months old, all white, with a couple of light brown spots on her floppy ears.. Apparently, she is a Staffy x Mastiff.... She is ultra sweet, very smart, a bit destructive, and doesnt know when playtime is over, but I think she might be just what we need..

I want to thank those of you that have commented and also privately emailed me.. your concern and care means alot..

xx Nene

P.S .. oh and weight wise... I have gained a few kgs.. I am now 110kg.. FARK!!! but right now, my emotional state of mind is of more importance to me..

I'M STILL AROUND

2010-06-01T10:34:00.002+10:00

Hi everyone, sorry I'm still slack with posting, but to be honest, I dont want to come across as a miserable sad sack, and write about negative shit.. So.. I dont write at all.. Because I still feel really down in the dumps. I feel numb.. I cant feel happy or excited and share the joy and delight that my kids bring about. My marraige... ohhh jeez, where to start.. ?? I know I am not the easiest person to live with, and with this depression funk that I am in, it couldnt make it any easier, HOWEVER... he does nothing to make me feel any fricken better.. but it isnt just him that it making my world seem so dark and depressing, it is everything.. my weight, my hair, my clothes, the fact that some asshole ran a trolley into my car in the carpark...

And sometimes my reaction to things goes a little too far, and it is very out of character for me.. Example.. One guy took the parking spot that I had been waiting for for 10 minutes, I pulled up close and had a go at him, I am not a confrontational person... (not the same place that my car was assulted) .. Then the other day Montel was 15 minutes late coming out of school.. So I marched in there, right up to his classroom, where I could then see him coming out, looking a little nervous... I asked him if the new temp. teacher had kept him back for this long... He said yes, and I stormed up there, he asked me not to, but I kept steaming ahead, shaking with anger, I got to her and it went like this
ME - "I dont appreciate my son being kept in the long after the final school bell has rung" (still shaking, and face flushed red, glaring at her like i wanted to rip her apart)
TEACHER - "Who is your son?" (her looking at me like I'm a crazy lady)
ME - "Montel", (stuck for words for a second, and in shock at how i have just burst)
TEACHER - "Where you aware that montel has been misbehaving all week?"
ME - "How can I be aware if you have made no effort to communicate with me"
TEACHER - (speechless for a second)
ME - "Look, I have no problem with you diciplining my son, but do it in his time, not mine. Could you not have kept him in at lunch break? "
TEACHER - "I will do that in future"
ME - "Can I have your email so i can open the lines of communication, I will email you so that you have my email address and we can go from there..
TEACHER - "Yes, Ok, I will email you every day ( looking a little apologetic)

blah blah blah, in that time, i let her know that montel has slight confidence problems, and eating issues, and could she please monitor his lunch eating.. ( Montel brings home his lunch most days)..
Since then, I have received emails updating me on Montels behaviour (which in the first place wasnt that bad, just that he would listen to the class clown and laugh, more than listening to the teacher) She has praised his spelling, and neatness and pride in his work.. I am a proud mama.. However, just to be safe, I do remind him each day to pay attention, and ignore the class fool..

But getting back to my little outburst, it is so out of character for me. I just want to be me again.. I want to see the sunny side of things, I want to feel loved, and feel in love.. be loved, feel beautiful, wanted.. I want to laugh, and dance and have confidence.. To carry out a conversation, and not feel like what I am saying is boring, and of no interest..
Leading up to being banded, it was one of my goals and dreams, was to gain confidence with weightloss.. it seems, I have gotten a bit worse. I so hope it's only temporary..
Sorry to be such a downer guys..
xx Nene

I'M OK

2010-05-19T12:12:00.003+10:00

Hey all, sorry it's been a while.. as you may have noticed, last entry I was having a freak out.. Yes I caught hubby out on a lie.. Not really a major lie.. BUT let me get this straight.. I Farkin hate lies..
I have had a month of emotional mess.. weight wise, lacking self confidence, eating shit, bad dreams, feeling ugly.. head lice (thanks kids) , my sisters little guy was in hospital again, so I had her 2 older kids for 4 days. Now I find it hard to keep my cool with the 2 that I have, let alone taking on 2 more.. I do love them dearly, but I cant scream like a banchee at them when they annoy me.. Oh I do sound terrible.. BUT in amongst all the emotional turmoil, and me litterally trashing my bedroom in a flight of anger at hubby, I did manage to have a super fantastic day at Dreamworld.. A theme park on the Gold Coast.. It was so nice to just let go, and enjoy myself for a day. I took my nephew and his girlfriend (both aged 15) and my 2 little angels..everyone was so well behaved, so stress free.. Apart from Ayisha peeing her pants a couple of times.. LOL.. But I was prepared, I took extra knickers for her, as I knew the excitement of it all would be too much for her.. Every time I offered to take her to the toilet, she would tell me she didnt need to go.. I think she really did, but she just didnt want to miss anything. The one time she did tell me that she needed to go, we had just got to the front of the line for a ride, there was really no way out... she had already done half of it in her pants, so I told her to just let it out once we were on the ride.. LOL.. It was a water ride anyway.. lol

Ummm, what else...?? Yeah, i bought the kids a baby budgie bid each, a light blue one for Montel and a pretty pale purple one for Ayisha.. once getting them home, and taking them out of the cage, one flew towards Ayisha, and she shit herself.. Not litterally... but she was so frightened that she said she doesnt want it anymore.. So i guess you could say I have aquired myself a baby budgie.. Montel named his "Trooper" and I named mine & Ayisha's "Peppy" .. they were both only 1 week out of the nest when we got them, so were both really small, Trooper has grown, but Peppy is still small.. Peppy is the fiesty one, and Trooper is really laid back, and calm.. The personalities of these birds suit thier owners ( being that Peppy was bought for Ayisha) lol .. They are both boys, but Montel calls Peppy a girl because he is always kissing Trooper.. I'm cool with that.

Today is another court date mention for the girl who robbed me. I never thought it would affect me so much.. I have been feeling so anxious about it all. I will find out from the public prossicutions office when and if she gets a sentencing date.. it all depends on her Psych evaluation.. yes, she is claiming that she has mental issues.. dont they all??? grrrrrrrrr
The thing that frustrates me so much is that fact that she made me so scared and vulnerable by using the knife so close to my face, when in any other situation if she gave me a hard time in the street or if she didnt have a weapon, I wouldnt think twice about snotting her one.. Now when i even see her sitting in the local bus stop, I gag and retch.. when it comes to her pressence, I have no self control.. and I just hate it.
My doctor says that she thinks I may have Post Traumatic Stress.. and is considering putting me on something to calm me a little.. I just dont want anything that makes me dependant upon it. Or makes me like a zombie. I'll talk to her when I see her for a fill next week.

Well I have dribbled on enough for now, and will post some pics soon.
xx Nene
Thanks to those of you who offered your support

2010-05-10T08:15:00.002+10:00

All I have to say is ALL MEN ARE FUCKING BASTARD ASSHOLE LIARS!!!!!

WHY???

xx Nene

Oh yeah, have a nice day

HIDING BEHIND EVERYTHING

2010-04-23T13:41:00.002+10:00

I just read Amy's post where she's asked the question of "What do we hide behind?" Hair, Weight, Clothes, Kids Fat??? My answer is... ALL of those things, except Fat.. I have always tried to avoid the fat part being shown..
My Hair- I have always tried to have it looking as best it can, putting it into styles that wont make my face look too round.
Weight- I have always used this as an excuse for not exercising and not doing things that would otherwise put me in the spotlight.. I hate being in the spotlight, I feel very self concious.
Clothes- I have always tried to wear the most updated flattering clothes, always careful of the fitting of garments (no muffin tops, overhanging bra lines) I always try to accentuate what is smallest on me, and hide what is not..
Kids- I think that since having kids, it has made social situations a little easier to deal with when they are with me, as the focus is more on them. I also use them in photos to stand in front of me, to cover my stomach and wide hips.. well pretty much to cover as much of my body as possible.

The thing I love about this shop counter at work is that it is quite high, so customers also dont get much of a view of my body. Having lost a bulk of weight, I still dont have the confidence that I thought that I would gain.. Looking back at a tight size 26, I would have done anything to be a sz 18.. Now, I really dont feel a whole lot different to the way I felt back then.. Perhaps when the weight starts shifting again, I will feel a bit more positive about it.
Even sitting on chairs in public, I prefer a booth seat than a stool or chair.. I dont like the thought of people walking behind and seeing my "saddle bags" hanging over the seat..not pretty.

I have always been very self concious about eating out in eateries.. or self serving at restaurants.. I feel like people are watching and judging what I am loading my plate with. I guess thats why I have always preferred the good old drive thru.. I could always order up nice and big, and sit in the car and scoff my freakin face.. no-one would know, I couldnt be judged and that was how I liked it. But then it came to the point where I was even a bit shy of driving through the drive-thru, because they would begin to recognize my frequency though there, and I knew they must have been thinking... "does this woman ever stop eating??" but they just smiled or smirked ( yes, Monique at the KFC drive through is a condecending bitch) as I drove out. Sometimes Monique would even finish my order with a "Sunkist" though the speaker before she even saw who was ordering.. She knew it was Nene's feeding time again.. knew my voice and my order. Sad state of affairs.

When being banded I knew technically that the weight wouldnt just come off overnight, hell, it took 29 years to put on.. But it didnt stop me from dreaming that one day I would wake up and be happy in my own skin.. I am still waiting for that day... the question is.. Will it ever come??? Probably not, and if it does, it's gonna cost a whole lost more.. Boob job, tummy tuck, veins in legs made invisible ( yes, I have discovered something new about myself to dislike) maybe the veins were always there, just hiding under my layers of fat, it seems that the more weight I have lost, the visible they are becoming.

I am now giving myself untill my birthday next year June 5 2011.. to lost all the weight that I need to in order to look good enough to get me some new boobies. That will be my present to myself for my 32nd birthday... My husband mentioned that a lady at work got her boobs done, and then left her husband.. I wonder if that was an underlying thought in his mind when I mentioned that I want some. I want them for me, and i dont give a damn what anyone else thinks of them.
I just realised it's time for me to finish work.. I shall continue this after the week end, still waiting for my internet to sort itself again...
xx Nene

Have a great week end..

UPDATE

2010-04-20T08:58:00.002+10:00

Hey everyone, Its been a bit longer than usual between posts.. Stupid download limit has reached it maximum at home, and have been left with dial up speed untill 1st May.. Dammit.. I just dont have the patients to sit by my computer for pages to load.. so instead I have been getting my granny on, and crocheting.. you will find a pic of my latest rug further on in this post. Now check this pic above out.. looks like a little doll from behind...
But tah-dah!!! It's my princess.. I straightened her hair to try to kill the damn head lice eggs.. and this is how it turned out.. Ever felt the hair of a horses tail??? well thats kind of how Ayisha's hair felt when straightened.. But when curly, it's very soft and silky..She thought she was just it, and kept shaking her head from side to side, and posing, like as above.. the very next morning, I washed her hair, I missed the curls. And she was not a happy camper..

Here is my latest rug.. done in the colours of hubby's national flag (Ghana).. it pretty much tops a double bed.. I have started a new pattern in a hot pink.. it's looking good so far.

This one taken of me in the back yard the other day.. I acked the kids to take my pic, and they said I always get the pictures taken inside, so I should go outside.. Montel is my little photographer.. So special in so many ways. Back to the picture.. White is clearly not the colour for me.. I still have alot more weight to lose before being able to get away with wearing a white flowing skirt..But I bought the skirt at kmart for only $8.. I bought it more for comfort than anything else.. Just to wear around the house.. but hubby really liked it, and said I should wear it.. So I did and wore it to work that day.

Here is a side shot

Ok, so yesterday I went to see Dr Duncome and had a fill of half a ml. it has given me some restriction, but I am taking it easy with soft foods right now, because I dont want to have a PB episode. I woke yesterday morning and weighed myself.. 109kg... not farkin happy.. but hopefully now it will go down.. I am going walking this afternoon, rain hail or shine.. I need to set some kind of exercise into my routine.. I have come 4 months into this year and really not lost anything.. just see-sawing up and down over the same few kgs.. So I packed me some salad and a chicken mignon to bring to work, and I will be eating that instead of raiding the pie oven and mindlessly munching on cheese sticks, crisps, salami sticks and what ever else is snackable and bad.. I have stopped drinking coke zero and have started back drinking my weight watchers raspberry cordial.. I just cant bring myself to drink as much water as I am supposed to, so the next best thing is to drop a dash of cordial into it. It's working so far this morning, I am pee'ing like a trooper. Better out than in right??

Now with all this talk about bandsters meeting up in Chicago.. I would so love to go.. But it's just not possible for me at the moment..I would so love to meet so many of you.. Oh well maybe one day at a meeting in the future.

I was talking to my sister yesterday about different foods that I eat now, that I never really was into before.. As she mentioned that she now likes to drink alot of milk, and never really had done prior to banding. I now eat lollies and chocolate.. and ice cream... all the friggin bad things.. but in saying that I am also more adventurous when it comes to trying different foods.

Do you ever have days ( well mine turn into weeks) where you are just sick of every food, and feel like something, but you dont know what... well thats me lately. I have also started as from today to preplan my meals, and try to choose a time to have them.. I think if my plan is more structured, I am less likely to fail..

You see it's my birthday on 5th June.. I would love to be down to 100kg by then.. Hence me getting into the exercise thing with all seriousness.. I am using yesterdays fill to really kick my ass into line. I know I have said this over and over, but now I am at the point where I have been banded for over a year and have not kept a steady run on the weightloss..I dont want to be one of those people that I was so judgmental about when I was first banded.. Shame on me..

Another question.. if you had a day where you could eat Absolutely anything you want without a PB or limit to how much you could eat of it, what would it be??? I'm still thinking of mine.. will get back to you on that one..

I've run out of things to talk about. So I will end here for now

xx Nene

SOME PICCIES

2010-04-08T14:01:00.003+10:00

Hey All, today is such a beautiful day here, so as promised, I took the kids to lunch and then the beach for sandcastle making.. You know, it just isnt as much fun as it used to be. I dont like to get all sandy. I kept washing my feet and hands, and was lost for inspiration.. and geez, I used to be a good castle maker.. I've lost my castle mojo. Me, self portrait at the beach.
I dont like this pic of me above, I look chunky and very wide at the hip.. But I promised to post even pics that I do not like of myself.. so here you have it.. Now in the pic below is how I prefer the angle of my pictures to be taken at.. makes me look alot smaller.. Even though I am not yet tiny tiny.. I cant wait to look that small in full length shots.

Prefer this one

This pic here is at the beach (obviously)... and it is a perfect shot to show just who rules the roost at our house.. lol... nooo, Montel was complaining that it was too bright and glarey, so Ayisha got a towel and promptly placed it over his head. Oh, she's a clever kitten, I tell you.

Ok, moving right along. In this pic, is of course my little pocket rocket, sitting on my last crochet project.. I made it for her, being that she loves Dorothy the Dinosaur from the Wiggles, and she has a pink and green Dorothy bedspread , so I thought I would make her blanket Hot Pink and Green. It is super warm.. And I'm kind of proud of my first effort.. Perfect for dragging out to the lounge in winter, and snuggling up in.

I have a new dilemma, dont stress it's not another break down.. I am just finding that I'm not liking any of the new fashions out in stores at the moment, and trying to find new styles that fit and suit me and my shape.. For so many years, I dressed to cover as much as I could, but now I was to accentuate the areas that I have lost, and still hide that "veranda" (tummy over hang).. So when I am looking for a top that sits on the hip, it can fall a little too short, and show my Rhino Toe.. grrr.. I'll have to stick to dresses a bit longer. But all in all, the colours and styles this season leave alot to be desired, they're just shit. I so wish that I knew how to sew.

Well I'm feeling like raiding the kids easter stash, so I might go pick up my crochet hook, and get to work.. that should keep me in line for a bit. I should have shot that damn easter bunny..

xx Nene

BOOBS, SANDCASTLES & SLIDERS

2010-04-07T09:10:00.002+10:00

Aunt Flow has been and gone, the miserable feelings are being kicked out the door behind her, and I'm dusting myself off.. Time to get with the program.. Thanks to all of you who commented, and I have taken it all aboard.. Also a very special thanks to "Fat Bastard", thank you for giving me your insight and a male point of view..It is greatly appreciated.. I know sometimes you must read some womens blogs, and think..."Oh the drama".. but I also hope that you read and take in just how life is from a womans side of things.. It may in a way be helpful to you too..

On a positive, the scales are in my corner at the moment.. 106.2kg this morning.. I'm wondering.. HOW?!?! but I'll take it. I am more focused on getting back on track now.. I woke this morning, and weighed myself, happily I got off the scales, and walked to my wardrobe and started trying on some of the things that have been a little snug.. And some of them fit.. thats enough to put a lil bounce in my step today at least..

I was just reading Work In Progress and in her latest post, she mentioned the changes in her breasts. Over the week end whilst having my "Down Time", I realised just how much my breasts have shrunk. Now, my breasts have always been in proportion with my body.. when I was big and fat, so were my titties.. and I guess its only normal that now I am deflating, so are they.. I always longed for a time when my breasts stuck out further than my stomach.. but even with a 40kg loss, this hasnt happened. My nipples look like eyeballs that are looking down to my feet. Sad sad sad.. Even when I try to boost them up into my padded bra, they litterally do fold in at the top, there is no longer that "full breasted look". I know that it's time for me to buy a new bra or 3 or 4, but I am wanting something to make me look like i am packing something in there.. So many bra are minimising, or squash you flat and far apart.. I want some cleavage, its that to much to ask. In the past months, when dreassing, I have been trying to hide, blend or even accessorise what I see as flaws in my body.. i.e my saggy stomach.. but now, I spend more time trying to make it look like I have breasts.
I mean, I know breasts arent the be all and end all of everything, but I feel in some way, that I need some to help me feel a little on the sexy side...and I need aaallllll the help I can get with that.. LOL
Maybe untill I get down and have lost all the weight that I need in order for it to be worth getting implants, I will just have to buy me some rubber chicken fillet looking things and do as I did in primary school... Stuff my bra.

Yay, I am up to 40 followers.. Very excited bout that..

Tomorrow, being Thursday is what Ayisha and I call "The girls day off", on the day we usually hit the shops, and she gets her Baby Chino, whilst I get my Chilla. She hangs for this day all week, and being that it's school holidays, Ayisha told me that it's not the Girls Day off this week, because her brother (Montel) is home, so instead of going to the cafe, She has requested that we go to Sizzler instead, as she knows how much Montel loves it. She is very thoughtfull in that way. So tomorrow we go to Sizzler. Fun! I was also thinking, if the weather is nice, I might take the kids to the beach to build sandcastles. Take some nice pics, then get in and get dirty.. oh how I hate the feel of sand all over my hands, arms, legs, and other orifices.. But I love a good sandcastle with the moat around it, and tunnels throughout.. Or burying my feet deep in the sand then trying to get out. Takes me back in time.

Sally has also mentioned "slider foods".. what are my slider foods?? Hmm, I have become addicted to Cheezles. I think I could eat a whole box if I wanted, well hold up, I do want.. but I know not to. Now I have never been into cheezles or chips of that sort, but only since being banded do I prefer those over the regular potato chips. Another is chocolate. I have also never been much into choccie's or sweets like lollies etc.. but all these seems to work their way into my naughty treats list. Another is ice cream.. Mango and Macadamia Weis Bar.. hmmm. or mango sorbet.. YUM I need to put a stop to the sliders though. Which is why I have been crocheting.. I find that when I am doing a crochet project, I dont snack, and my weight seems to move down.. Maybe that has been a contributor to my loss lately.. I have a lap blanket in the making at the moment..

Anyway. I best get back to work. I keep bopping up and down between customers to get this written, and have lost my train of thought.. Shall be back when I have more to say
xx Nene

Happy Easter Monday

2010-04-05T16:01:00.003+10:00

Hello ladies, ohh and gent.. Almost forgot that I have a man on my followers list.. :)
Firstly, I would like to thank those of you who left me the lovely comments of support on my last post. This last 4-5 days has been a really bad time for me. I wonder if i could label it.. A mini break down..
You see, I hold a whole lot inside when it comes to problems within my marraige and life in general. I dont raise the issue when something bothers me about hubby, because I dont like confrontation. So I had so much bottled up inside that I just couldnt for the life of me let out.. Then when I tried, hubby wouldnt let me.. he had "tude".. so I got to the point of exploding inside, and whilst I was feeling lost, I realise that there is also a thing that I am lacking.. Friends... real true friends, a friend that I can confide my all in, and drop in and cry on her shoulder.. I so needed this kind of friend over the last week, and it only got me feeling lower because I realised that I didnt have that.
I had always had a big social life prior to meeting hubby, but once meeting him, I got pregnant a little too fast, and lost most of my friends, because I was no longer able to party with the rest of them. I have had great friends over the years, but I guess I have always invested more of my time in my family (hubby and kids)..
Do you ever feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people??
Do you ever have so much on your chest, but you just cant put it into words to get it out??

Cut a long story short, I finally wrote hubby a letter, telling him as much as I could about why I wasnt happy, even on there I feel like I was holding back a bit because I didnt want to hurt feelings, of cause confrontation..
I need to get confident, because perhaps if I was, I wouldnt feel so damn insecure.. Arrrgghh,
I told him I need emotional support, and to be included when he makes plans.. He does a fine job of making plans for himself to go out with mates at night, but when it comes to family things, he leaves it to me... orr why cant he organize a night out for me and him.???
Blah blah blah.. I wont go on much about it, or it gets me worked up again.
At the moment, things are ok.. Although, there is a little bit of emotional distance between us.. But the way i see it, It doesnt take alot to make me happy.. and i pull out all stops to try to please him.. hmmm sometimes I wonder why.....*blood pressure raising*

SUBJECT CHANGE

-Finally on wednesday night, Aunt flow arrived.. she has never been so welcomed..

-Easter eve, hubby went out... and Ayisha wouldnt go to bed unless I did.. Soo, I was left hping that I would wake in the middle of the night to do the easter bunny duties. Luckily I did, and go up and put the treats in the kids baskets.. Went back to bed all bleary eyes, and woke in the morning to realise that I hadnt left out Mr. bunny's paw prints.. oops, so I thought and thought and thought.. as quick as I could, what else could I do, then I realised that I also hadnt set up the easter egg hunt in the back garden.. Damn it!!! So as I was digging though the easter egg hunt supplies, I had my arms full and was tiptoe 'ing though the house to the back door when before me stands my little princess, rubbing her eyes, as they are fixed on the easter backets on the floor.. I think quick and turn, telling her to go and do a "wee wee" and wake her brother... off she toddles, and out the back door I go... I ran out, and litterally pegged/threw the assortment of easter eggs and chocolates all over my back lawn... Mission accomplished....
I said that the easter bunny must not have had time to hide all the eggs, because the dogs next door must have barked and scared him.. So the kids went and gathered their choccies from the grass.
Ayisha asked why there were no "foot prints", and I told her that the bunny must have wiped his feet this time. She was happy with that explanation..

BANDSTUFF
not only has this band help me lose the weight that I never could have lost otherwise, it has linked me up with some truely wonderful people (yourselves) and even at my lowest, when I posted my last post.. I turned to you all.. because your support is one thing that I can truely count on.

Oh I have also got back down to 106.6kg this week too.. Which really is strange, because of my shitty eating.. So in a week, I have gone from 109kg down to this 106.6.. woohoo.. now that it has come back down.. time for that fill.. No more pies for Nene.. No sireee
I did however have a bad bad bad PB episode on a chunky beef pie, whilst at work the other day.. so not good.

My sister is going for her first check up this week. She seems to be doing very well.. She has already been stuck a few times, which I think is naughty, because she should be watching what she's eating.. and she's not. Hot Cross buns, and Chicken Ceasar Wraps from macca's, need I say more. ??? Bad bad bad girl..lol.. oh and Ashton got out of hospital again on Friday.. he is doing ok.. just have to watch him with a simple cold or viral thing.. As he was born so premature, his lungs are weaker than a child that was born at full term, so this is why he gets such a hard time of it.

Anyway, I should be getting ready to shut this ghost town of a shop.. Everyone else is out enjoying their easter long week end... so I'm shutting early, coz I want to get to enjoying it to..

♥ you all
and thanks for putting up with my rubbish... seems someone got sick of it, I lost a follower..LOL.. oh well, this is me, as I am.
xx Nene

Happy easter

2010-04-03T08:44:00.003+10:00

Well Happy Farkin Easter to me... My marraige is in the shit pit, I am at the depth of depression, and the only fricken light at the end of my rainbow is Aunt Flow arrived.. THANK GOD!!!!

I guess the only thing for me to do is make sure my kids have a nice easter.. Now excuse me whilst I go and fill a tub with chocolate and drown in it..

Happy Easter Everyone..
I'll be back when I have my life sorted
xx Nene

LOOK HOW SMART I AM... ha ha

2010-04-01T10:15:00.000+10:00

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out
to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good grief, look how smart I am!”

xx Nene

SUCKS TO BE A WOMAN

2010-03-31T10:48:00.002+10:00

Today I woke up hating the world.. yes, it's that time of the month for me.. Well it should be, but it's not, and I am worried.. I was stupid through the month and missed a pill twice.. 2 in 2 weeks.. Oh shit... I am hoping that its just my hormones playing about, and not a damn easter bun in the oven.. Now I know by saying this, It may sound a little insensitive to those who cannot fall pregnant, or have very private reasons.. And believe me, I have been in that boat.. I tried for a few years to have Ayisha and had to get fertility treatment. Hence the reasoon for the bigger age gap between my 2 kids.. But now is my turn to be selfish, and have MY TIME.. because i sure as hell dont get enough of that..
A perfect example... 2 days ago, I had the urge for a #2 (bowel movement) whilst at work, now when I work, I am on my own, and cannot race out back in between customers to "evacuate the system" ... sooo I had to hold on for a couple of hours.. deep breathing, and a rock hard stomach, is so uncomfortable... then I get home with intention to run to the loo, but I get a phone call... it's my sister, informing me that Baby Ashton is back in hospital, and could i look after her daughter for the night?? ... noo problemo.. Now, just let me go to the crapper.. please... but nooo, then I realised that I had to feed my kids, after slapping a frozen meal in the microwave for Montel, and Ayisha's weird request for porridge is filled ( yes my kids do usually have better food than this.. lol)... anyway, by this time my stomach is making all kinds of noises, screaming at me, to fix the problem. Then, when making my way to the toilet, my sis arrives with her daughter... fills me in on Ashton and leaves.. time to make Breanna's bed, and get her settled... then and only then, can I make my way to the privacy on my ensuite toilet... So there you have it, even the simple task of taking a shit goes on hold because I have kids and a husband and a job to deal with..
MY TIME also because I have stretched my body enough already having had the 2 kids, and being overweight all my life.. I want it to shrink, not grow. The time is not right for me, so i am really hoping that "aunt flow" comes to visit real soon.
I mean this could explain my world hating mood right now, and depressive moods lately.. but usually I am PMSíng a week before they're due.. Who know's , will no doubt keep you all posted...
WHY dont men have to put up with this shit?? they get all the joy in things.. Get it up, stick it in, dump their load, go to sleep, go to work, be fed, shower, shit, shave and all the things that men can do whenever the fricken hell they want.. there's no waiting for several hours to take a shit in my husbands world.. grrrrrrrrrr
Feeling like this makes me eat, and right now, I just got up and got myself a caramello chocolate koala out of the shop fridge and and mindlessly munching it down, really quite without care for what it will make the bastard scales tell me in the morning.. I'll deal with it then..
I think right now it might be best for me to stop with this post before you all think I am some mental case, well some of you may already think that way.. just consider this my monthly melt down..I'm off to drool over the pie oven..
xx Nene

THANKS GIRLS

2010-03-30T15:30:00.003+10:00

First and formost, I want to give a very big thank you to the lovely "WorkInProgress" I know your name, but not sure if you wanted it put out there :), and the beautiful Sally from "Ramblings From The Other Side", for sending me the lovely swimsuit and 2 pairs of capris.. You both are truely wonderful. I am very greatful.. Now I would have loved to post pics of myself wearing these items, however, it has gone to two extremes... The bathing suit is a little too big, but my sis will love it... and the capris are too small. (Sob sob sob)... I couldnt fricken believe it.. I wear a sz 18 pants from Crossroads, no problem at all.. but I couldnt get these capri's up over my big fat dimpled ass... DAMMIT... shit shit shit... Oh well, at least I will get wear out of them when I do fricken fit into them.. Gotta look on the bright side. Its all my own fault, I really should have had my band tightened.. I am seriously self sabotaging.. my weight has gone up by 2kg in the last month.. I cant believe how much I can eat..you will see for yourself in the pics below..

In this pic above, I took a friend (one of our employees) out for lunch. She chose a Chinese restaurant, and I ordered a Shandy (a mix of everything).. As pictured above and below.. I like how tiny I look in the pic above..

Hmmm food... I ate about 2/3 of this plate of food... a bit too much I say.. Mind you, I could barely walk out to the car afterwards.

Ayisha and Montel attended a dress up birthday party last friday night.. Just had to show you my little princess all dolled up. Aint she sweet...

OOhhhkey Dooohkeeey... Check out the mess I made of my damn fringe... It started as a splice style fringe trim (self cut) and I overcut it, then had to straighten the style because of the overcutting.. All in all, I screwed up big time.. now i have to change my side part, and or pin it back till it grows again.. FARK!!! makes my face look far too round..

I really wanted to post a bit more today, but my head is throbbing.. you see I went to the shops today whilst out to lunch with Lynne, and saw the perfume that I thought I liked.. So I greedily sprayed the tester of it all over me... BIG MISTAKE.. it was the wrong one, and ever since I have had a rotten headache.. Serves me right.. next time I'll use the tester cards and put it in my knicker drawer.

xx Nene

JIBBER JABBER

2010-03-23T09:31:00.003+10:00

Wow, what a busy week end.. I truely feel like I live the life of an old lady when my boring routine is shook up, and we have a jam packed week end. Ibee (our visitor) has flown on to Sydney before returning to the U.K, and although it was so nice to entertain a visitor, I am quietly relieved that it's over. Ibee is one of the nicest guys you will meet, and is welcome anytime, but it takes alot out of a person to be on constant alert to cater for the guests needs.. It was very exciting though, because in the whole time that hubby has been in Australia (since nov 1999) this is the first visitor he has had. So it was special, and I went above and beyond to make sure it went well. One thing is for sure though.. It sure is frustrating to live through a week end of constant "jibber jabber".. (the guys speaking their language) ... it can make a person feel a little uncomfortable at times, because they can be talking of ANYTHING!!! , and from what hubby sometimes tells me of conversations he has had with friends before, right in front of me.. I am shocked that even their concience will let them speak it, even though they know we cant understand it. Oh how I wish I knew a language that my man didnt understand. But then I guess I do.. it's called P.M.S... lol, but back to the jibber jabber, When we went out to our fave restaurant (the night we went to the casino).. I was there with the guys, whilst waiting for the wife of one of them (she's aussie), she was late coming to meet us from work, and these 3 guys (Hubby, Ibee & and another friend who lives local, but is from their country) spoke constantly in their lingo.. I have naver felt so alone in the company of others.. I knew not to take offence, and didnt.. but was glad when Sarah arrived so I had someone to talk to. I could only play with my phone for so much longer..
Anyway enough about that..

We went to the Gold Coast on sunday, and I said I would take some pics.. I did, but none were taken of me, so I dont really have any to post that would be of much interest to any of you. Just some simple snaps for Ibee since his camera battery went flat.

I want to say welcome to my new followers and that there are a couple of you who are on the verge of being banded.. I wish you the best of luck, and just know, you are making a great decision.

Guess what just happened... I thought I would take a break from this post to think of something more to say, and in this break I decided that I was feeling a bit peckish, so the tug of war went like this... "will I have a pie or the piece of sushi that I brought in with me to have for lunch??... hmmm, i really want the pie, but the sushi is less fattening... ok, sushi it is.. " I then carefully cut it into smaller bite size pieces, then add a few drops of soy sauce to each piece.. One piece, hmm goes down well.. feels great coz it's been soo long since I was able to eat it.. Then, the second one... uhh oh... It's fricken stuck.. "I should have had the damn pie!!!" and now I keep burping up terrible tasting seaweed paper that the sushi was wrapped in.. I guess this will cure me of my sushi cravings.
There are now quite a few foods that I no longer like as a result of having a bad PB episode with them.. but one thing that I will never turn against is hot chips/fries.. I can spew those things up till the cows come home, but i will never get sick of them. They are so bad for me, but they are one addiction I cant ever give up.. I just need to make sure I get my band tightened enough to not be able to eat them.
Speaking of tightening, I have made an appointment to get a fill for next monday.. I am looking forward to having some restriction.
Ok, the sushi gate has opened.. it just went down, I dont think I will be attempting any more of that for a while.

I have a bit of a job ahead of me this week end.. I am switching my kids rooms around.. you see montel refuses to sleep in his own room. Yes, a 10 year old boy prefers to sleep in his 4 year old sisters room, all wrapped up in her dorothy the dinosaur bed covers.. If I put my foot down, and demand that he sleep in his own room, he wont sleep in his bed, he will lay on the floor.. (We have hard wood floors)... I just cant figure out why... I ask him, and he says his room is "boring and he doesnt like it".. but I just know it goes deeper than that..
So I am taking everything out of his room, and swapping it into Ayisha's room. He happily goes to bed in there. Ohh the pressures and stresses of parenthood. If this doesnt work, I dont know what to do next..

Anyway, best get back to work.. The lunch rush is on, and here's hoping these pies all sell, before my temptations gets the better of me.
xx Nene

THE WEEK END IS HERE + Pics

2010-03-20T20:19:00.004+10:00

Hey all, Just a quick post, am very tired from having gone out lastnight. I am running on empty (not my guts though, thats nice and fricken full, a lil too full if you ask me) I've had 3 hours sleep in 2 days, and feel like several different shades of shit.. I mean, I wouldnt mind feeling like this if I actually drank copious amount of alcohol, BUT I didn't.. Noooo not me, piss head from way back.. I'm sure if I told my girls from back in the day that I hit the city and didnt get roaring drunk, they would want to take my temp or possibly give me a pregnancy test.. Nope, I'm not sick, and over my dead body will I be getting pregnant any time soon. (I'll happly go along doing the baby making exercises though hehe).. The reason I didnt drink or even get tipsy.. No one in the group that I went with drink. Nor do they gamble, and where did we go??? A farkin Casino... it was boring as hell, I just watched as pissed ( Drunk ) people slipped money into the machines that would inevitably send them home broke.. I would happily hum a few tunes and wear flashing lights if they would slip their dollar bills ito my pockets.. We then went on to a small R&B club, I played a few rounds of pool, and kicked butt.. :)Above, Me with Sara, outside the Casino.. I look like a heffer.. Dont like this pic at all, but I am going to try to not cover up my ugly shots anymore.. Honesty IS the best policy.. If I can get comfortable enough to share my ... not so good.. pics with you, it may help in this shitty battle of self confidence I have.
This pic is kind of random.. but I'm hoping it will put a pic to how I feel. See the big yellow house standing out amongst all the other ordinary blocks of apartments.. ??? This is how I feel when in a crowd or group of people.. I feel like I cant hide or blend in.. I still, in a way feel like I am a big old hot air balloon parked next to a pretty bunch of birthday helium ballons.. Ohhhh, I hope you get what I mean.. By the way this pic I took for another reason/story to tell you, but have forgotten why.. It is not too far from where I live.

ME!!!

I love this photo.. you know why.. #1, I dont have make up plastered over my face and feel ok about it, and #2 I think I look pretty small at that angle.. I know it is taken at a flattering angle too though.. But hey, it's not often I come across a pic of me without makeup on that I like. (sounds like a step in the right direction) Mind the hairy pit.. few day old armpit stubble.. ewwww

Now.. I have a question.. for those of you that have been banded long enough to have lost a substantial amount of weight.. Do you get itchy under your titties and cleavage??? I have been scratching the shit out of mine, and it seems to be bringing about some small stretch marks.. dammit dammit.. also on my saddle bags too (extra meat at the sides of my ass/hips).. so itchy that I scratch till it bleeds.. could this itching be from shrinkage?? or should I go see a damn doctor?? lol

Speaking of seeing doctors.. I am going to call and book in for a fill ASAP this week.. I am getting just a wee bit carried away in the food department. I ate fresh white bread today.. WTF?!?! allbeit slowly, but it got down.. I have also not got on the scales today.. i am simply avoiding heartache.. Yes, I have let myself go.. But I will catch myself up this week. But I will say that with hubby's friend being here, I have been working my ass off to be a "good wifey"... and feeding and entertaining the guy.. He is a lovely guy, so it comes easy. But in doing this I have found that I dont think of food as much.. I guess that means I need to have my life running at a busier pace in order for me to forget about food sometimes.

Well, Montel is asking questions as to why I am typing so much and what it's about, because he wants to use the computer.. and I want to go and take a shower whilst scratching my tits..

Night All/ Goopd Morning to the rest of you..We're off to the Gold Coast tomorrow.. I want to hit up the carrara markets and find me some goodies.. Oh and of course some birthday presents for Montel (turning 10 this thurday) Will be sure to take some more pics..

xx Nene

SISTER UPDATE

2010-03-18T11:21:00.004+10:00

Get this.. My sister has already lost 15kgs (33lb).. Haw fantastic is that!!!!! I am so happy for her. This weightloss is since she started her 2 weeks of optifast prior to banding.. She's gonna kick my ass in the weight war. Time to get into action..
Meanwhile, I got on the scales this morning, and alarmingly it read 109.3!!! Ohh lordy, but then I went and "dropped the kids at the pool" (poo poo'd) and weighed again.. this time 108.3kg.. that was some seriously heavy poop.. Ok, gross time over
xx Nene

UPDATE

2010-03-17T11:11:00.004+10:00

Hey everyone, it's been a bit since I posted.. My sis is going ok, she has suffered a little with breathlessness, and indigestion feelings, and slight gas pains in her shoulder.. I spoke with her this morning, and she is feeling a tad better.. It's amazing how quickly I have forgotten what being banded in the first few weeks was like. Ashton is also going great, Tracey said it was like he is a new little guy since coming out of hospital.. I said, maybe it straightened him out, and made him realise that life on the outside is so much better.. LOL..

I didnt go to my friends party, although it looked like they all had a great time. But you know what, I'm glad I didnt go. I also had a great time at home with my own little family.
This Friday we have one of my husbands good friends coming to visit us from the UK.. I am looking forward to finally meeting him, as I have spoken to him so much over the years on the phone, and even my parents have met him, but not I. He showed them around Thailand 8 years ago when they went there on holiday. He lands in Brisbane on friday morning, but the downside is..we have a cyclone approaching.. So it looks like the weather is going to be shit.. DAMMIT, this guy is coming from a miserable winter in the UK, and now to this..Fingers crossed this cyclone blows back out to sea..

Band news.. Meh... I have been eating very bad choice foods since getting some unfil.. And as the saying goes.. well my saying goes "Eat shit = Feel like Shit" ... AND.. of course put on weight.. Yes, I have pudged back up to 108.3kgs... FAAARRK!!!! But I only have myself to blame. And I know it's an excuse, but I'm not going back in for a fill untill hubby's friend has gone back, which will probably be late next week. I'm not going to act like the model bandster, because as you all know, I am far from that with my lack of will power in my ongoing fight against the pie oven..
I can eat a 6 inch subway sub. And I sooo shouldnt be able to, should I?? I'm not gonna beat myslelf up over it. I know where I'm going wrong, and will fix it up soon.

It is amazing how much more in tune I am with my weight though. I pretty much know and can feel without even looking at the scales if I have lost or gained even half a kg (1lb)..Before the band, I could pack on a few kgs, and lie to myself that I was still the same. I guess, back then I didnt overly care or want to know.

I am still kind of struggling with the self insecurity thing though.. It's not been that big of an issue in the past months, but in the last couple of weeks, I've been kind of struggling to feel good about myself.. but then that all leads back to me gaining weight and eating crap again..
On the upside, I have noticed when giving change and serving customers that my hands and wrists look a whole lot slimmer.. I can no longer wear my rings (I feel naked without them) I was handing out change, and my ring fell into the customers hand.. I snatched it back so fast. I will get them resized when I get down far enough to know I wont be needing to resize them again. They are so friggen big, I reckon Ayisha could hoola hoop with them. Speaking of hoola hoops, have any of you tried the Wii Fit hoola hoop exercises?.. I never thought something like that could give you such a good work out.. if nothing else, it might give you a few extra moves for those "extra cirricular activies" after dark, or for any time of day for that matter..

Oh Amy W, if you read this, I have given my sister your blog address to read about your "Whootananny, turkey, troll shaving post" she was in need of a good giggle, and I thought , what better way.. I have never read anything so funny and real, ever..

I also want to say that it is so good to see guys blogging about their experiences with being banded and weightloss. I am in the process of convincing my uncle (Mum's twin brother) to get banded. And with these guys putting it out there, it's easy for my uncle to be able to have a read and relate on some level.. So guys, keep up the good work.

Hopefully with hubbys friend being here, we will be going on outtings and I will take lots of lovely shots (with my new cam of course) for you all to see, that is if the weather doesnt blow us off yonda. I have taken the week end off work for this occassion. I havent had a full week end off since mid last year.. But I doubt any sleep ins are gonna happen. I'l be up cooking breakfast for everyone no doubt. Either way, it beats serving scruffy bed creases people coming in to buy the paper with their smelly morning breath. UUuugghhhh... Gag gag gag.. I swear, they must roll out of bed, scratch their balls, have a pee, wait for their morning mongrel to subside then venture off to our shop... not even having washed their faces or even rinsing their rotten mouths out.. filthy bastards.. lol Ok enough of my ranting.
Have yourselves a great day..
xx Nene

Too Shy To Party

2010-03-12T10:50:00.003+10:00

Below you will see a picture of me and my friend Kelly (Taken on her 30th birthday May 2009).. anyway.. She is having a themed party this saturday night. The theme is Fugly Dresses and the party is Adult Toys Etc.. Which would be really fun to go to, but I am decling the invitation as I feel a little intimidated by some of the girls going to it.. Alot of them went to the same high school, as we did, but I never really associated with them at school (I left school at the end of grade 10, and Kelly stayed on a bit longer), and even on the night this picture was taken on Kelly's birthday, I was getting all kinds of bitchy looks from a few of them.. A few of these girls were very slim/sporty at school, and now are bigger than me.. My friend Kelly made a point of saying to me what I should come and flaunt my new body, but even though I know I do look better than some of them now, I have a slight insecurity. I so hope this will fix with time.. I guess I could book a party and host my own as a favour for not going.. I do feel most comfortable on my own terms at my own home.. xx Nene

SNAPPIN' WITH MY NEW CAMERA (pics of my babies)

2010-03-12T09:34:00.003+10:00

Why is is that when I want to take some new shots of myself, they turn out not so good, and I dont want to share them.. Maybe I'm trying to hard... blahh who knows, but I thought I would share a pic of each of my kids taken with my new camera. My Gorgeous Boy Montel, I adore his dimples.
As if butter wouldnt melt in her mouth, yeah right... Ayisha

Now a funny story to tell.. The other night I was sitting watching "16 and Pregnant"on MTV and Ayisha came out and said "I had a baby come out of my Moo Moo too". (She calls her privates, a Moo Moo).. I lost all composure and laughed so hard.. She was so serious when she said it, that when I laughed, she got embarrased and ran to her room. Some of the things she says never cease to amaze and sometimes embarrass me, depending on where we are.. For example, we were in Kmart yesterday after our Gloria jean stop, and she says quite loudly, "There's those sexy line undies that go up your bum that you bought the other day" (Meaning my new Gstring) I noticed a few people giggling.. I hightailed it out of there pronto.

I remember once, I had Montel in the trolley and he was complaining of something, and I called him a hypocondriac.. he said "I'm not a hungy rat".. the things kids say... Gotta love 'em.

xx Nene

BABY HOME, SIS RECOVERING & GIRLS GET THEIR SIP ON

2010-03-11T17:34:00.003+10:00

Hey All, Great News!!! Ashton is out of hospital, and slowly getting better, and my sisters banding was a success. I will however say, she is still in quite some pain, and feeling like shehas some serious indigestion and is a little breathless. I have assured her that she will be feeling better real soon. I took some before shots of her the night before sugery.. I will however have to ask her permission to post them.. She is alot more private than I.. lol. So all is good as at now. Today was "The Girls Day Off" as Ayisha likes to call it. So after having my nan (grandma) over to dye her hair.. (the road rage granny) We went to the local shopping centre and stopped at Gloria Jeans for a treat. Ayisha has a kiddy chino and I had my fave... Tim Tam Chilla, on skinny milk with cream and caramel sauce on top.. Kind of a contradiction.. made on skinny, but topped with cream..ha ha, but thats how I roll.. Yes, I was the one who used to go through Kfc or Mcdonalds and ask for a diet coke..But in all honesty, I always have prefered skinny milk, not just because it claims to be less fattening. Ayisha enjoying her Baby Chino with sprinkles of course :), as you can see, she is such a lil lady, enjoying a mag whilst at the cafe.

My Chilla, next to her tiny cup.. Ohh, if you havent tried the tim tam chilla, you really must. Usually, I dont go for sickly drinks, but this one isnt.. I watched them make it.. A cup of ice, a bit of milk, 2 tim tams (Aussie Icon Chocolate Biscuits) bit of chocolate powder, all blended up to make a cup of icy chocolately goodness. YUM!!! Probably not what I should be recommending on this "Weight Loss Blog".. Once again, bit of a contradiction.

Ohh, as I mentioned I wanted to get myself a body wrap from my 1 year bandiversary.. Well I didnt. But you know what I did get???!!!??? A new camera.. Yes, a very nice new camera.. Panasonic Lumix DMC-FH3... 14 Mega Pixels 5x Zoom, wide angle lense.etc.. All the better to take some new picces for you all. At least when I go away at the end of the year, I will be able to snap some gorgeous pics. And buying a camera instead of a body wrap, well at least i will have something to show for my money. A gift that keeps on giving I reckon :)..

Anyway, I have been a bit slack on blog following lately, I will try to get my mojo back, but I am sure you can appreciate why I have been side tracked.

Have a great day/night

xx Nene

UPDATE

2010-03-09T09:53:00.002+10:00

Hi Everyone, first and formost, thank you to those of you who offered your best wishes.. As at now, Baby Ashton is still in hospital, his oxygen levels are still up and down, and just when we think he is getting better and ready to go home, he hits an all time low and has more of a set back.. Soo, right now as I type this post, my sister would be in the operating theatre getting her band installed.. Her partner (Ashtons' Daddy Damien) is at the local hospital staying by their baby's side, whilst I will be on hand to support my sister. She is in a hospital in the city.. About 30 mins away from home. I am also looking after my neice (9 yrs old) so Damien doesnt have to leave Ashton. It's taken alot of fine tuning and routine changing, but I am so glad that my sister is getting this done. I have warned her that in the first week, she may begin to wonder "WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS??" but when the discomfort is over, she will be glad she did.

I went with Tracey to see the surgeon yesterday, who is also the surgeon who did mine (Blair Bowden, www.blairbowden.com.au) It was the first time I had seen him since my 4 week check up. So he said that I was looking good, and progressing well, blah blah blah, although when I was on the lift going up to his office, I was sucking my tummy in and wishing I had more of a weightloss to boast of. Oh well, he seemed impressed anyway. I wasnt there for me, I was there to support my sister.
I cant wait to see her progress, and I just know she will do so well with this band. Probably even better than I have.. She's alot more focused than I ever have been. Speaking of which, i really need to get back in to Dr Duncombe and get about half a ml fill.. It seems, I can eat just a bit too much at the moment..Although, my weight hasnt gone up any.. thank god..
Maybe when she is getting through the liquids and mushys, I will try curbing my bad eating and snacking ways too..Gotta get back to the plan..
Anyway, I really must go, and i will keep you all posted..
Thanks Again everyone..
xx Nene

SAY A PRAYER

2010-03-05T17:44:00.002+10:00

I am by no means a religious person.. And I guess I sound a bit hypocritical by saying that I am praying, and asking all of you to help me out with well wishes and prayers for my precious nephew.. His name is Ashton, he was born 2 months early , a week before I was banded.. It was so scary at the time, as we thought that we may lose not only little Ashton, but my sister too.. She had placenta previa, and what she thought were contractions, was actually the placenta rupturing.. Had they not done the emergency c-section when they did, both mother and baby would have died within a scarily short time. In the last year, Ashton has thrived, and grown into the most gorgeous chubby little boy.. I call him my little Ginger Ninja.. He has inherited my sisters red hair. He has the most captivating blue eyes.. I love this little guy to bits.. Which brings me to the reason why I need your prayers..
Throughout lastnight, he started having trouble breathing.. My sister thought it was from his blocked nose (minor cold stuff).. then this morning, he threw up a few times, fast forward to this afternoon, after having spent the morning in the ER, he has been diagnosed with Pneumonia, Bronchitis and a collapsed lung... How much can our precious little guy take???

Ashton 1 week after birth in the arms of my sister..
Just look at those eyes.. Big boy now..

My Little Ginger Ninja

To make matters worse, my sister is booked in to have her band done on tuesday..After all the trouble she has had with the Super Fund..I guess now it all depends on the health of our boy as to whether she goes though with it, as if she doesnt, she will have to wait untill the next vacancy in June..

xxNene

CAN I NOT GET A BREAK???

2010-02-24T15:53:00.003+10:00

Just when I think I am getting over all the illnesses and discomforts that have come my way of late, along comes another set.. As previously mentioned, I had some severe constipation, so on evacuation, it seems I have caused myself my first and hopefully only ever episode of a heamoroid (however it's spelled).. but as if that could be the worst of my fricken problems.. nooooo, lets kick her whilst she's down, my body says... I have also been bleeding ( uhh hum... down there, front side).. I am not due for aunt flow yet, thats still about a week away, and am on the contreceptive pill. So therefore, there is no reason for me to be bleeding.. My cycle is always like clockwork, so initially I thought that perhaps because I strained a little too much for the bowel activity it may have caused this bleeding.. But apparently thats not likely.. So, after trying to self diagnose and worrying myself sick, I made an appointment with my last choice doctor.. (this doctor is a real dumb ass to put it politely)... until I go back to see Dr Duncombe..A dumb ass doctor you may be wondering.. Yes.. this is a doctor who once wrongly diagnosed my personal lady issue, and told me that i had an STI (Sexually transmitted infection)... then prescribed bowel and stomach cleansing medication.. WTF!?!?!.. I near had a damn breakdown because of it, thinking.. HOW could I have got this?? Questioning hubby and all.. untill hubby begged me to go to another doctor for a second opinion, as he knew for a fact that he had been faithfull.. So off I went to another GP, only to find out that it was a form of dermatitis (Super sensitive down there, almost like a super bad thrush) ... ANYWAY... sorry for getting graphic.. So today I get in and see this idiot, and explain my situation, and tell him that I have also been a little nauseated.. He said, that the nausea would be because of the band and maybe I am over eating which is causing the nausea.. I could have punched him.. So I was sitting there wishing I hadnt bothered.. then he told me he would do a pap smear, and check to see if it was my cervix that was bleeding.. Apparently it was ok, although he could see some bleeding, but didnt even do a pelvic exam to check for any other reason..then said, maybe it's hormoanal. And he will call me in 2 days for the pap results.. Excuse me, and let me vent.. he is a Fucking Moron...Anyway, enough about my health woes.. After my appointment, I met up with my parents for lunch, mum was raving about this new little local cafe that they had lunch at yesterday, and I thought I would join them this time.. This (pictured below) is what I had...

Seared Chicken with char grilled eggplant and capsicum on a bed of rocket, with aoli..

It was ok, not really my cup of tea.. But I was suprised at how full I got after eating so little. Maybe this -1ml was a good thing..

Anyway, I best be getting offline, I promised to take the kids for a treat..

xx Nene

BUNGED UP AND FAR TOO TIGHT

2010-02-23T09:39:00.003+10:00

Hello All, Well let me start by saying, I had a shitty week end.. I was in such discomfort with my band and it's restriction that I would have ripped the damn thing out myself if i could have.. You see, as I have mentioned previously, I have had some ( sometimes a little too tight restriction, fishes ass kind of tight)restriction.. Only this past week end, it reached it's all time tightest, so tight that I was feeling a constant pressure around the site where my band is situated, I had nausea at times, I couldnt even keep down moist soggy weetbix with lots of milk, EVERYTHING was getting stuck and making a quick comeback. I had also gotten myself into a severe state of constipation.. I had a big pocket of air inside my stomach, bring pains to the right side of my navel, and it hurt to stand, sit, walk, lay on my side..
I did however use a suppositary to evacuate, but obviously not enough to relieve my pain, so then I start to think more sinister thoughts of what on earth could be wrong with me.. cit a long story short.. I called the doctor yesterday morning, and told her what was going on, she told me to come straight in.. So I did... I explained my situation to her about not being able to eat, and that although I have had good restriction, it hadnt been a problem up untill the week end, so she said that it's possible that my stomach (band site) is enflamed from a PB or a stuckage.. So she took out 1 ml whcih gave me almost immidiate relief. Also whilst up on the bad, I told her about the pains on the right side of my stomach, she had a feel and said "Oh dear, it's very gurgly, are you constipated?"I told her that i had been, and that I had evacuated, she said "Obviously not enough".. So i need to get me some fast acting laxatives.. Fast acting, because i cant afford to take one on the ones that works overnight, and then for it not to kick in untill I get to work.. That would not be fun at all. LOL

Soo, after getting my unfill, I met up with a friend, and when it came around to lunch time, we were in an eatery and I got nervous, as to what I would be able to eat without making the mad dash to the bathrooms.. I ordered a Doner Kebab, and picked out the middle of it.. I got about 1/2 way though it, and got very full, which is a feeling that I havent had for quite a while "Eating and getting full, not stuck".. It automatically gave me a little more energy to have something in my stomach.

Suprisingly though, on the weight front, I havent lost anything more since reaching my 40kg loss.. Which pisses me off, because occassionally, I see the scales float above it, and it's not a good feeling at all. Maybe now I will see them move, because I can now make better food choices without worrying about what will be able to get down..

Ohh, I did however go for a good walk on sunday afternoon.. It was soo nice. I kept a good fast pace, and even jogged occassionaly, and suprisingly I didnt feel like I was breathless or going to die at the end of it. The thing that spurred me on to go for a walk was the fact that I got my first sports bra on sunday.. I had to test it out.. And I do think that it made a difference, because there was less to joggle about when I jogged, so it didnt knock the wind out of me. I'll be going again this afternoon. I'm looking forward to it.

Anyway, bit of a boring post today... till next time
xx Nene

YOU ALL WIN THE BLOGGER AWARD

2010-02-17T10:43:00.002+10:00

Hello again.. still feel shitty, but am at work today, so no more laying around feeling sorry for myself.. I have been catching up on some blogs, and have noticed that there is a blogging awards thing going on.. I just want to say that I wont be posting a nomination on that because I sat trying to think of how I would line them up in what order, and came to the conclusion that each and every blog is just as wonderful and special as the next. I try to keep on top of all the latest posts of the blogs that I follow, and love to follow all your stories. You are all so super fantastic in your own ways and for many different reason. So to make a list is too hard for me, because who would I put at the top?? All if I could.. Everybody's acheivements however big or small, are worth celebrating, and by blogging and reading blogs, it is so nice to share those celebrations. To be honest, I didnt read any lapband blogs before deciding to get banded. I didnt want to know that one person couldnt have this or that, and another spends alot of time PBing, etc... I didnt want anything to change my decision. All I thought was, I'm gonna get this thing, and deal with the rest as it happens.. I'm glad I did it that way, or I'm pretty sure I would have chickened out.

Today the weather is overcast and a little showery which has dropped the temperature dramatically as compared to the disgusting heat over the last few days, so once again, the pie oven beckons me.. "Ring a bell, Sandy? " the Chicken & Broccoli pie is calling me, it doesnt want to go with any feral stinking work man today, it wants to sit out in the back office with me, and be eaten slowly and wastefully.. My reasoning is, it has chicken ( protien) and Broccoli (vegetable).. so how bad can it be?? it's not like I can eat the pastry, which I am pretty sure is the fattening part... Perhaps I'll just sip some more Weight Watchers rasberry cordial, and see how much longer I can fight the urge...

Another random thought.. I've decided that lately I have been a little on the boring side... this week end, when hubby asks "What are the plans?" I'm going to have an answer... right now, I would have any idea of what we will do, but blow me down and call me Dorothy, I'm gonna think of something.. I'm sick of being the person that when asked "So what have you been up to?" replies, "Nothing much".. I want to be able to say.. I've done this, we went here, blah blah blah.. But I guess the fact that we are trying to save as much as possible doesnt help the week end fun factor.. We'll see just how inventive I can be..

Well it seems, I best be clearing the desk, I think that pie just picked up a megaphone and screamed my name.. lol
xx Nene

SUCKED MANGO SEEDS AND DEFLATED BALOONS

2010-02-16T13:05:00.003+10:00

Hey everyone, well I still feel like several different types of shit, and I managed to score another day off because of it.. But seriously, my parents know that I really dont often get sick, so they take my word for it when I am. I am still really quite breathless, and went to the doc to see if I need any meds.. Nope, he told me to just relax and take paracetamol.. Shit, I could have saved myself a trip to see him, if I'd have known that was the case. I am still having feverish sweats too, which says to me that this is more of a flu that just a cold. The doc didnt really tell me what it is, barely even spoke to me for that matter.
So after taking the kids to school and daycare this morning, I decided to go down to blockbuster to return the movies I got yesterday, and take advantage of their Cheap Tuesday Specials.. So I got out the movie Bruno.. and OMG!!! I couldnt believe the crudity of it.. LOL.. I got another movie called Funny People, but I havent watched it yet.
I feel really restless, after laying on the couch to watch one movie, I got up and thought I might take a shower, then decided to put on a load of washing, then went back to have a shower, then decided to check facebook, then sat on the couch for a bit again.. I feel like I'm going in circles.. my head is anyway, fell lightheaded..Ohh thats right, back to my blockbuster story.. when I went in , I chose the moves that I wanted, and as the lady behind the counter was serving me, she said "Your Shrinking" with a smile.. I was flattered that a total stranger had noticed.. and as shitty as I looked and feel, I walked out of there with a bounce in my step.

Now, for those of you who have had a Body Wrap.. please let me know what you think of them.. I am thinking of going in to the dayspa next thursday to get one.. But at $155, I want to make sure it's worth going for.. This will be my treat for getting to the 40kg weightloss.. I have heard that it helps to tighten, firm, reduce.. blah blah blah.. I just know that I sure could do with some firming and tightening.. but as long as it doesnt further reduce the size of my saggy sucked mango seed breasts.. I've got them well trained to sit high in my bra for vanity purposes, I just couldnt afford to lose any more of their size. I've been waiting so long for them to sit out further than my stomach, and I'm almost there..

Oh just another thought.. isnt is strange how when you have lost a substantial amount of weight from your stomach, it looks like a balloon that has been blown up and deflated too many times.. It kind of feels the same too. I just look down it my wrinkled stomach, and think of them as my battle scars for now.. but I really think that a tummy tuck will be in order at some stage.. You see I have full mirrored built in wardrobe doors in my bedroom, and it is so not pretty when I happen to catch a glimpse side on when I am ummmm... doing the marital exercises..my stomach sags like its been vaccum sucked somehow.. hard to explain, will take a G rated pic one day.. LOL sorry for a little TMI..However, when i lay on my back, my stomach looks so good and flat..
Anyway, I just might go and take a relaxing bath and relax before I have to pick up the noise makers.
xx Nene

NENE NOT WELL = DELAYED VLOG

2010-02-15T09:11:00.003+10:00

Hey everyone.. I am sorry that I havent posted a Vlog as promised, but I am sick. Sick with a stupid rotten summer cold.. Runny nose, hot flushes, extremely tired, heavy head and short of breath.. Throw all that together with no make-up and messy hair, it's not a good look. I also find that I am hungry.. BUT I cant have more than 2 mouthfulls of I get full. Now I know this is a good thing really.. BUT I WANT COMFORT FOOD!!! and to be able to enjoy it.. I dont get sick that often, so when I do, it really hits me. I even called my parents and told them I wouldnt be in to work this afternoon.
My sister has informed me that I really should be taking iron tablets.. because I told her that my bowel movements are slightly green in colour (sorry for the TMI).. but you might learn from it.. As well as the fact I cant shake the tiredness (even before I got this cold)...I'll start them today.
Well I'm keeping this post short, because Ayisha wants us to go to Blockbuster and get a movie.
Have yourselves a good day/night.. Oh and Happy Valentines Day for yesterday..
xx Nene

40KGS DOWN.. YAY!!!

2010-02-12T06:16:00.004+10:00

ABOUT FRICKEN TIME!!! is all I can say.. I woke yesterday morning, and did the usual, yup... you guessed it.. Jumped on the scales.. and you know what it read.. 106.4kg (234lb).. so now I have officialy lost 40.2kg.. Woohoo.. So I went 2 weeks over the 12 month bandiversary to do it, but I'm ok with that. And yes I promised you a Vlog when I made it, so I will endeavor to make one today.. I did try several times yesterday, and looked and felt like a prized dickhead.. Will try a few more takes today.. lol.
It was really kind of a strange feeling yesterday, having finally achieved that loss, almost felt like a mini birthday or something.. But moving onwards, my next goal is to get under 100kg by Easter. Which means losing 6.5kg (14.3lb) by 4th April. I'm pretty sure it's achievable. So here's hoping.
Admittedly, I thought back at full weight that when I had lost 40kg, I would have been smaller than I am. But then, when I look at the Vlogs that Í have been trying to do, I see myself as being smaller than I feel. Is it in my mind or my body..? But one thing is for sure, I feel a whole lot better with the weight off than on. I dont seem to be suffering from the summer heat as much as I would have before. I dont mind parking far away from the shops to make the extra walk. I dont get puffed on taking the stairs. etc..
I am tempted to get my hair cut in celebration of this event. As you all, well those of you that have been following my blog for quite a while, may have noticed that my hair has grown quite a bit since my last cut (My 30th Birthday, June 2009).. I am tempted to get that same style cut again, but not quite as short. Now that my face has slimmed down some more since then, it might look a little better, and so much easier to look after. My hair has now gotten to a length that I am torn about getting it cut.. Because now I can put it up, but I find that I put it up and thats about it, there's not much style to it.. What do you all think??
Anyway, I best be getting ready for work. I will try to Vlog for you some time today..
xx Nene

A BOWEL MOVEMENT AWAY FROM MY 40kg LOSS

2010-02-10T13:09:00.003+10:00

This afternoon after work (I am at work right now).. I am meeting up with a friend that I havent seen for over 10 years. Well since just before I got pregnant with Montel (he'll be 10 in march).. She is visiting over here from London. You see she (Sheridan) was raised here by her grandparents and I met her through a mutual friend, and we became better friends than the girl that introduced us. You see, all those years ago, I was supposed to go to England with Sheridan to work in the pub that her mother managed.. However when planning this, I happened to come accross my hubby whom I met online, and instead of flying to London, I flew to Malaysia to meet my now husband. And Sheridan went on her own to England. She has been there ever since, and only in the last year or so, through facebook, we have gotten in contact again. In this time, she has stuck with her dancing ( she always made up routines for us), she now teaches a dance troupe, and she also works as a fitness instructor at a gym.. I can only imagine how good her body is going to be when I see her, and it kind of has me feeling a little shy of seeing her.. I mean, she never saw me at my biggest, so she wont realise how far I have come. I am pretty much around the same size as the last time she saw me.. Which is ok, but i kind of feel like after all this weightloss, I want her to see something... Ohh I dont know it's hard to explain. but I will see, she always has been very self critical, and non judgemental.. So it should be fine. but going back to me leaving for Malaysia and her for England, I sometimes wonder of what my life would have been like if i did go with her?? Would I have ended up this fricken fat??? .. no no, I wont get bitter.. I have 2 beautiful children from my choice and as painfull as they can sometimes be, I wouldnt trade them for anything.

Scale news.. Well, I am so close, so so damn close to my 40kg (88lb) loss, that perhaps if I could squeeze out a good bowel movement, I just might be able to hit it. monday morning, i bounced out of bed, thinking that it would be the day.. and it almost was at 106.8kg.. I was only .2 of a kg (.4lb) away.. then yesterday I woke 106.9 and today 106.9kg (235lb).. dammit.. shit..dammit shit... now the scales are teasing me, and probably laughing their mechanical ass off at me.. I want to have hit it by sunday.. Please scales.. please.. So now for a bit of extra info.. I seem to have my biggest losses around my period.. then plataue for the time in between.. I thought it would work differently, with the bloating and all.. I do not want to wait till my next cycle to got to my 40kg goal.. So untill then, you still get no vlog.. Oh , I got a question for those of you who do Vlog.. how can you run so smoothly through what you have to say?? Do you pre-write it or?? I get so freakin nervous, I have been practicing..

Well I best be finding some shelves to stock, before I finish..
Have a good day/night, depending on which side of the world you are.
xx Nene

NEW CLOTHES = NEW PICS

2010-02-09T10:48:00.003+10:00

On Sunday morning, hubby had a friend over and I saw it as the perfect opportunity to leave the kids at home, and head to my fave shop at the moment (Crossroads www.crossroads.com.au). Without the kids, I wouldnt have to cling to the curtain of the changeroom, because Ayisha thinks it's fun to play hide and seek, and show my granny knickers covered ass to the whole shop.. So, now that I have given you all a grusome vision, I will continue on with my story.. Off I went to the shops, and I came accross a top in my fave colour. As you will have seen me wearing in the pictures at the beginning of this blog, I was always wearing the salmon / watermellon / pinky coloured tops. Now this top I came across is a colour under that category, and although I have not really ever worn a frilly top like this, I loved the colour, and sheer fabric (lightweight, no ironing, quick dry) and thought I would get it.. I also found myself a new pair of 3/4 length jeans. So super comfortable, slightly stretchy, and fit so damn perfect, I wonder if they secretly made them for me. ha ha.. Oh, and the most important bit of news about these jeans is that they are a sz 18.. Yes, I can now wear size 18 jeans.. Woop Woop!!! (happy dance) ok, now this brings me to the next item in my shopping spree.. A new beige knee length pencil style skirt.. I've never owned anything like this, and was a bit iffy about it.. but tried it on, it went with the top, and right now I'm all about trying something new (style wise).. What do you all thinkk?? I'm loving that I am looking smaller in this pic
Thought I'd add the booty shot, just for good measure..

And the skirt..the tops a bit see through, gotta get a cami for it. Just another excuse to hit the shops.

xx Nene

1kg AWAY FROM ANOTHER VLOG

2010-02-06T20:47:00.003+10:00

Let me just say, this fill is rockin' my world. Or should I say scales.. I am now only 1kg away from my 40kg loss.. And when I hit that 40kg mark (106.6kg), I will celebrate by doing another VLOG.. and yes, this time it will be in much better light. But just bare with me.. I am still new to the whole Vloging thing, and it takes a whole lotta takes to come up with something that you all may find remotely interesting.
Something in the last week has changed.. I am no longer grazing or thinking of food all damn day long. I know this wont last, as it tends to go through phases.. But it is so good right now. But then again, I have been hectically busy with the kids going back to school, running the shop and dealing with the ever lovely dose of head lice.. Yes, that's right.. Both my kids have had nits.. Damn it to hell.. Nits/head lice are bad at the best of times i.e in Caucasian hair.. Now you all have seen pictures of my daughter Ayisha.. imagine running a nit comb though her hair..It is my worst nightmare. I think I just might be on top of the situation now though, and as I have been feeling a bit itchy too (not sure if its sympathy itch) so for good measure I am putting a hair dye through my hair to cover the greys and kill off anything that may be lurking around in my tresses. I would die of embarrassment if I went to my salon to get my hair cut and was told that I too have lice. Oh the joys of motherhood..But what really jerks my gherkin, is the mothers who send their kids to school, knowing full well that their kid is scratching like a gambling addict.. Same as when the send their child to school with contagious illnesses for mine and other innocent kids to get and bring home to share with the family. Enough ranting..

So, when I last blogged, I was about to go shopping with my grandmother.. it didn't turn out too bad, she did behave herself by not abusing people, no road rage incidents, and chit chat with strangers was minimal, as she had Ayisha to chat to.. I did however score well when it came to bargains. I got myself 3 dresses, at a cost of $10 each, and 3 little shrug/bolero style cardi's @ $6.95 each.. cant complain about that.. also got me some bargain make-up foundation.. I use Revlon Color-Stay foundation, and usually it is around $36, but noooo, I got it for $23.. Woohoo.. Oh how I love productive shopping days.. Ayisha also scored.. she got a Disney Perfume Pack.. now my good fragrances might last me a bit longer..

My friend Wendy was banded on Thursday. She is out of hospital and feeling very sore and kind of wondering what the hell she has done. I wish her all the best, and have given her the lapbandtalk.com web address for any extra tips and ideas.. I'm not sure that she is all that interested. In saying that, I don't know how I would have got by if I didn't have my blog base friends and followers. Admittedly though, in the beginning when deciding to be banded, I never wanted to read blogs, or lapbandtalk, because I didn't want to find any excuse not to get it done. I made my decision strictly because a customer of mine who had long been at war with her weight, had it done and lost 40kg in 8 months. She only spoke highly of the band, which made me want it badly. And OK , it has taken me nearly 5 months longer than her to lose that amount, but I am so glad that I did it. I just didn't want to read about pain or vomiting, or hearing what foods I wouldn't be able to eat.. I just focussed on the end result.. WEIGHT LOSS..
As I mentioned in my previous VLOG, my sister has been having a few problems, freeing up money from her super annuation to get her band done.. She was originally supposed to get her band last Tuesday, but because of this mongrel company, she wasn't able to and now has to wait till April.. It's really hard for me to see, because the more I see my sister, I see my old self.. I see her give up about weight, and not caring what bad foods she eats, and she no longer wants to go anywhere or do anything.. She is depressed, and it is hard to watch. I know exactly how she feels, as I was there just a little over a year ago. It also makes it hard for me to hare my new weight loss milestones with her, because it would be bittersweet for her to hear.
Well I best finish up here and get my tired eyes to bed. Hubby went out with the guys tonight, and I've had a few too many vodkas..
Have a great weekend all..
xx Nene

FEW MORE PICS

2010-02-04T07:53:00.003+10:00

OK, here is a pic of my tattoo for Sandi Lee.. It is on the middle of my lower back, only very small.. But there is a funny kind of story behind it.. You see my best friend at the time and I were looking for something small to get tattoo'd on us that we both liked ( we were getting matching tattoo's same places).. Anyway, we settles with this one which I got from the back of a Janet Jackson CD cover, however, on the cover, it was up the other way, but I told the tatooist that I wanted it up the other way.. Anyway, this is what we got, (I was 18 at the time).. Fast forward a few years, after meeting hubby, we went to his home country, and I was shocked to find that this is actually one of their national spiritual symbols. I was like WHAT??? Proves that there was something bring hubby and me together.. hmmmmmm ..lol The pic below is me and my boy this morning, I wanted to take this pic to represent the weight that i have lost.. Although it's not a real good shot, because Ayisha was standing on the kitchen bench to take it, if she took it from the floor, she would have only got our feet in..38kg loss

OH DEAR!!! I cant believe I am posting this pic.. as you can see, I have not a sceric of make up on, hair isnt done.. Ohh lordy.. me at my most vulnerable. This pic doesnt do me or my new dress wonders, but now you have a basic visual of it.. I will take another pic when it fits much better.. and I will be wearing make up.. oh and might possibly need a spray tan.. lol.. look at my white legs.

Well girls, I'm ready to hit the shops with my Nan.. God help me.. She talks to anyone in sight, has the worst road rage, and complains when she doesnt like the simplest of things.. AArrgghh...Wish me luck.

xx Nene

THE WEIGHT OF MY CHILD

2010-02-02T13:21:00.003+10:00

I have come to the realisation.. I have lost my sons weight.. meaning.. my son weighs 38kg, which is exactly what I have lost.. When I look at my boy, then think I have lost a whole small human in weight. I know for a fact that I couldnt pick my son up and carry him on my back, so i sit in wonder.. HOW could I have carried that much extra weight around and not have my legs buckle from under me?!?!?! I am finally at the weight I was when I just had Montel nearly 10 years ago. However, my body is far from the same. My stomach sags, my breasts are... well lets just say, they look tragic.. lol.. hubby doesnt care, he's a typical African.. breasts are for feeding babies, he prefers for me to have a "Booty" .. I still have that... and some serious saddle bags and hips. But I look back to then, and I wasnt happy with my body then.. I look back to times when I was a bit smaller than that too, and still wasnt happy.. I have always been self concious about my body. I have alsways had friends who are smaller in size than me. I thought when I was 146kg that I would feel super fantastic when I got down near 100kg.. and ok, I do feel better, much better than I did.. But I still I focus on all my imperfections.
Oh has anybody noticed that they have more veins in their legs since losing weight.. I have come out with some very visible purple veins on both legs. I'm pretty sure they werent always there.
Another thing that I have noticed with weightloss.. now this might sound strange.. the underside of my saggy titties are always itchy.. I think there might be a few stretchmarks forming.. stretching from the sag.. LOL Just when I try to get things with my body on track, nature just decides to throw a few extra things in the mix, just to piss me off..

I cancelled my fill apointment yesterday because in the last week the scales have been steadily moving down, and thought it would be a waste of a drive over ( only 20 mins) just to check in.. And ironicly today I feel like I could handle a bit more restriction, when in the last week, my band has been tighter than a fishes "A" hole. Oh the glory on the menstual cycle. NOT!!!

Oh, I bought a new dress.. It's a size 18 from Tar Jay (Target), and is a bit of a "going out" kind of dress.. it can be worn halter neck style of strapless. It is knee length and in a lined satiny fabric. Colours are black and white.. When I bought it last week, just a day before my bandiversary, it didnt do up.. (it has a side zipper) .. but this morning, I tried it again, and it did up.. Oh yes, it was a struggle, with me holding it together, and getting Montel to zip it up, but by golly, it did up.. I got him to take pics, and I look like shit in the pics, but I will post them tomorrow. It is a fitted design at the top and drops out just above the hip.. hard to explain, but very feminine and I love it.. Now I just gotta find a place to wear it to. Perhaps I will persuade hubby to take me out for valentines day, it will fit better by then I hope..

Well I best be getting back to work. Have yourselves a lovely day/night..
xx Nene

Q's & A's

2010-02-01T12:31:00.002+10:00

1. What time did you get up this morning?
5.45am (I like to get up early when I can, to have "me time" before the kids get up.
2. How do you like your steak?
When I could eat it, I liked it well done
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Alvin & The Chipmunks The Squeakwel (cute)
4. What is your favourite TV show?
I have a few, Neighbors, The Hills, Kardashians, First 48, Cops
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
There's no place like home, and I'm happy here
6. What did you have for breakfast?
Cup of tea ( nothing much else gets down early in the day
7. What is your favourite cuisine?
Asian or West African Foods, both are so full of spice and flavor
8. What foods do you dislike?
Sardines, anchovies, tuna.. anything fishy
9. Favourite place to eat?
Sizzler, although, preband it was much more fun and enjoyable..
10. Favourite dressing?
Ceasar or Thousand Island
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Toyota Aurion Sportivo (Oh how I love my car)
12. What are your favourite clothes?
Any that arent plus sized.. am kind of sick of wearing the same stuff at the moment though
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
I would visit a few of my good bandster buddies.. Worldwide.. and of course Ghana to see my inlaws (I will be in December)
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Depends what time of the month it is.. lol
15. Where would you want to retire?.
Too far away to think about, but definately not in a nursing home
16. Favourite time of day?
Night time, Bed time for a few different reasons ;)
17. Where were you born?
Redcliffe, QLD, Australia.. Lived here ever since
18. What is your favourite sport to watch?
The mens running in the olympics.. Hot buff black men in tight tight tiny shorts.. Such a shame its only on every 4 years.. LOL
19. Bird watcher?
Ummm No, well actually, I do watch out for the swooping Magpies to make sure they dont attack me
20. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Depends on the day or any events planned
21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
The scales are moving again
22. What did you want to be when you were little?
A hairdresser, a shop keeper (loved my toy cash register)... but most of all a mum
23. What is your best childhood memory?
I have many, I love my family. A funny memory was sucking all the gas from the softdrink that I was sharing in the back of the car with my sister and her friend, then throwing up all over them.. LMAO
24. Are you a cat or dog person?
Dogs
25. Are you married?
Yes (10 years coming up in May)
26. Always wear your seat belt?
Yes, because my alarm wont go off till I click it in... dammit
27. Been in a car accident?
Yes, but not serious
28. Any pet peeves?
People not being on time, people with no manners, smelly people with body odour or bad breath. Oh and people smoking in their cars with the windows up and they have children in the car.
29. Favourite Pizza Toppings?
Ham Cheese and Pineapple
30. Favourite Flower?
Tulips
31. Favourite ice cream?
Soft Serve
32. Favourite fast food restaurant?
Subway of Hungry Jacks (Burger King)
33. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Got it the first time
34. From whom did you get your last email?
Ebay, I won what I had bidded on
35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Flightcentre (am in the mood for travel) or maybe a furniture store..
36. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Cant say I have.. I plan too much..
37. Broccoli?
Damn those tasty Chicken and Broccoli pies at my shop.. YUM!!!
38. What was your favourite vacation?
Bangkok Thailand.. Oh the shopping.. Friendly Service, and did I mention the shopping..???
39. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Hubby & kids
40. What are you listening to right now?
Playhouse Disney and Ayisha singing along
41. What is your favourite colour?
Anything bright and cheerful
42. How many tattoos do you have?
One
43. Coffee drinker?
Nope, love the smell, but not the taste.. Chai Latte for me..

xx Nene

Great minds think alike... AMY

2010-01-31T14:31:00.004+10:00

I just realised that my skirt that I have on today is a very similar print to AMYs dress in her new pics today. So since I didnt post a pic of my 1 year bandiversary, today might be as good a day as any.. Excuse my extremely unstylish shoes, I need comfort for work.

My scales are on the move again, thank god, and hopefully it wont be more than 2 weeks till I get to my 40kg loss.. Not getting my hopes up, but I sure do hope this whole plataeu thing is over.

Just a short one today, gotta get to work soon, and I got a killer of a headache.. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

xx Nene

1st Bandiversary pt 2

2010-01-29T16:10:00.002+10:00

Well let me start by saying, ♫♪♫Happy Bandiversary To Me♫♪♫.. I woke this morning, with my stomach gurgling, as usual in anticipation of a cup of tea, but it was exactly at this time a year ago, my stomach was gurgling for a very different reason.. I was so scared, of getting the banding procedure done.. My stomach was rumbling because I had to fast, and couldnt feed it to shut it up. I had to wake early to get Montel to school then be on my way to hospital to begin the new chapter in my life. I was booked in to be operated on by 10:30am, but didnt end up being banded untill very late in the afternoon. So my day was spent with my stomach screaming to be filled, but at the same time, screaming with nervousness. So today, a year on, I have been reflecting on the ups and downs of this band of mine. And ok, so sometimes, I get sick of the odd PB episode, or not being able to really dig into some kind of food.. I mean like a burger with the bun, or a savoury bread loaf. Or right now, just about anything solid..I do sometimes wonder if I can go on forever dealing with this band, and the PBing, and the limitations on some foods.. I know that these limitations are actually a good thing for me, and are the reason that I put on alot of the weight in the first place. But the PBing??? I dont want to be an old lady, PBing and getting stuck all the damn time. I want to eat out and not have to undo my bra or take it off in order to be able to eat a bit of food.
Yes, I have taken my bra off in a restaurant (the bathroom of course) just to be able to eat. But this band has changed my life in so many positive ways that I think I might be able to deal with those things.. Oh who really knows.. But I will start my mentioning a few of the aspects of my life that this band has changed for me.

* My relationship with my husband.. In all honesty, my marraige was SHIT. My husband and I simply did not communicate, we just exsisted in the house and pretty much only spoke to eachother about the kids. NOW... I dont want him to take the blame for all the faults in the beginning, because I know that I was so down within myself that I could not have been pleasant to live with. Instead of letting him know what annoyed me, or upset me, I would hold it all in, and feel even lower about myself. Which in turn lead to more self destruction by food..
Our relationship has imporved so much so that when I wake in the morning, I just think to myself "Life is Good" .. I hadnt thought this for so long. I am getting so much more affection, and attention from him, and now even starting to get ompliments from him, which is something I have never ever received from him. It will be our 10th Wedding anniversary on May 20.

*Housework.. I have never kept a dirty or messy house.. I am very worried and particular when it comes to the state of my house when unexpected visitors arrive, however now I am a little more relaxed, but also find it so much easier to get the housework done. (More Energy)

*Going Solo... Today I went to the shopping centre on my own, and didnt feel so self concious. I am excited at the prospect of going to the movies (theatre) by myself, as soon as I get a chance to have enough alone time to go to a movie. I am losing the needyness of needing someone to be with me when I go somewhere.

* Clothing... I am starting to be able to have a choice in what I wear.. I no longer buy things simply because they fit, but only because I like it, and it fits, and is from a normal shop.. I am still a little way out of shopping in all the smaller clothing stores, but I do have more options now, which is fantastic.. it just sucks that I'm not fussed on the fashion at the moment.

*Car..When I was deciding which car to buy a few months ago, I automatically opted for a bigger style car.. I didnt want to look like a big chunky lady driving a little matchbox car.. Now I just look like a normal person driving a normal car. Oh and I do love my car..

*Travel.. I am more confident to get out there now, I want to experience as much as any destination has to offer.. Even if we drive to the countryside, I want to get out of the car and have a look around, where as before, I was happy to drive to the destination, drie around, and drive back home. As for flying, I am so looking forward to sitting my smaller ( not small, but smaller) backside in a seat in a plane. Without having to ask for an extender belt, or having the belt so damn tight that I get alot of trapped wind in my stomach and spend the flight in pain..

*Daring.. I have become a little more daring when it comes to trying different styles of clothing, and make up and even shoes..

One thing that hasnt changed is the fact that i still try to hide behind my makeup. I wear it everyday, and where ever I go. I hate to be seen without it..

I would like to continue, but I am running late for my split shift at the shop..

xx Nene

MY FIRST BANDIVERSARY FIRST VLOG

2010-01-28T16:35:00.002+10:00

Well here you have me.. Please forgive that I am so so new to this VLOG thing, and was really quite nervous.. I have posted it now, a day before my bandiversary incase I back out and dont post it tomorrow..

I also want to wish a Happy Bandiversary to my blog sister Bel.. we met in the waiting room of our surgeon. Also a happy 1st bandiversary to Amy too.. You are such an inspiration, and I adore your openness and confidence.. If only I could have a pinch of what you have, then I'd be set.. You have helped me in so many ways so far in this bumpy journey to slimness..

Once again, thanks to my followers, and fellow bloggers.. and to those of you who have been "blogstalking me" lol kidding.. pop a comment on my page here or there.. you deserve to be acknowleged and I love the feedback..

xx Nene

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

2010-01-27T09:04:00.002+10:00

This post is most likely to be all over the place today, as I am writting this blog in between customers...
Today is the first day back for the new school year. Ayisha is back to daycare, and Montel is now entering Grade 5. Now, Montel found out who his teacher will be this year, just before the christmas school holidays, and he has been devistated since. Now, this new teacher "Mr Bradbury" has a reputation amongst the students for being a real Grumpy and Nasty mean teacher.. I will admit that at first, I was feeling sorry for Montel, as I do remember back in the days when I would find out my new teacher, and be fearful. And as Montel is such a gentle soul and very emotional, it is even harder to see him with his bottom lip quivering when walking towards the classroom.. I introduced myself to Mr. B, and told him that I wanted to make him aware that Montel is nervous and a little scared of him... Which really, I dont think is a completely bad thing.. it might make him concentrate a bit more on studdies etc.. BUT I dont want Montel waking up and not wanting to go to school because of his teacher. But after speaking with the teacher, I understand him to be a no nonsense guy, but also with the best interests of the students in mind.. I am more than happy to give him a go, and I am sure that in no time, Montel will start liking him.

Band news... shit, where do I start??? my band is still really quite tight, and it is making my food choices very minimal. I can eat maybe 4 water crackers with cheese and feel uncomfortable. Breakfast cereal is even an issue sometimes.. Stuff me, if i would even bother to try meat.. I dont want to risk it. BUT with all this minimal eating.. I have not lost any weight.. AARRGGHHHHH!!! I have an appointment on Monday to see Dr Duncombe on Monday 1st Feb, so i will see what she thinks.. I will however admit that I have had a few sugary softdrinks lately, just to pick me up from not being able to eat properly.. Maybe thats why I've not lost..
I am also pissed off that once again, a goal that I set for myself has not been met.. I wanted to have lost 40kg by my 1 year bandiversary... NOT HAPPENING!!! but I got only my self to blame.. there is no way that I will lose 3kg in the next 2 days. FARK!!!
Lately I look in the mirror, and I am annoyed with myself.. I mean, when I got this band, I was thinking, in 1 years time, I would be looking hot, without all these extra lumps and bumps. I still have a weight issue physically and I do know that eventually will be fixed.. but its the weight issues in my mind that are gonna take some time to fix.. Because right now, I dont even want to be looked at by my hubby.. where as it was only a week or 2 ago that I didnt care how he saw me. I am right back to feeling like I am 146kgs again. I stand in front of the mirror looking at my sagging stomach, meaty hips and chunky baggy inner thighs.. I mean, I know that they were worse 12 months ago.. But I thought that they would magically be gone by now. I guess it all comes down to me relying on this band a little too much, and not working with it properly.
I hate the fact that I work in this shop, and have to rely on eating lunch on the run, and sometimes choosing easy to eat things to avoid PBing between customers. Which really in turn means eating bad non nutricious foods.. I really should be eating more protein than I do..
Perhaps now that school is back in, I will find a little more time to concentrate on myself. But in saying that i really have to stop making excuses for myself and just get down to business. Am I becoming one of those women that I used to see that hadnt lost a great amount of weight with the lapband?? I dont want to be. SNAP OUT OF IT NENE!!!!

SUBJECT CHANGE...complete turn around of topic
SEX!!!
Have any of you noticed how ...ummm.... different sex has become since losing weight?? I mean different for the better of course.. I guess that now because there is a little less "cushion for the pushin" that penetration seems alot deeper.. Ohh lordy, now I'm breaking out of my shell. Ha ha ha.. When I am not have this brain fart breakdown about my weight, I have alot more confidence in the bedroom. Positions are many and varried now.. I no longer cringe about the light being on.. and I am starting to be the instigator. Woohoo... lol

As mentioned a few posts ago, we (me hubby & kids) will be travelling to visit his family in Ghana (West Africa) at the end of the year.. We will spend Christmas and New Year there, and will probably spend about 5-6 weeks there. As well as spending maybe 4-5days in Thailand on the way back home. I am ridiculously excited and have been busy planning.. Hubby told me to settle down, and forget about it for a while. He's the kind of guy who would be just happy to pack his suitcase an hour before the flight and not have anything planned.. But me, well I am quite the opposite. I have been penning dates and destinations of where we will be and for how long, and appointments that need to be made prior to departure, Travel doctors, visa applications etc.. why is it that only woman care about this stuff.. There is no way I am going to spend thousands of dollars on a trip to Africa and be bed ridden with a dose of Malaria, or worse still have one of the kids get sick over there.. I told him that I need to have something to look forward to, something not weight related, and that it might help if I focus on something other than my weight for a change. He just believes alot in voodoo and all that kind of stuff and believes that it's bad luck if I go about letting all his people know that we will be coming.. He may believe in the voodoo from home, but if I visit a clairvoyant, or medium, he tells me that its all a crock of shit.. Hmmm.. MEN!!!

WATER!!! how many of you find it hard to drink as much water as we are supposed to?? I never really have been much of a water drinker.. I envy Amy's efforts at water drinking..I have been looking everywhere for a drinkbottle like the one she just bought.. What a fabulous idea.. As for my water.. i just opened a 750ml bottle of water and took a few mouthfulls, i have just now added a dash of WW rasberry cordial just to be able to get through it. Mission accomplished I just gotta drink another 2- 3 of them and I will have met my daily requirement..

Well enough rambling from me.. have a great day to all you Aussie mummies who have their freedom back for a few hours..
xx Nene

UPDATE

2010-01-23T18:36:00.004+10:00

Not a whole lot to write ladies. Apart from the fact that my band seems as tight as a fish's asshole, and I cant seem to eat anything solid.. Gone are my Indonesian Nasi Goreng feeds.. Today I tried a mouthfull, it got stuck right away, then after a little while, I thought i would try a small bowl of fruit loops, as I was still hungry, but still a wee bit stuck.. then.. ohhh lordy... let me just say that Nasi Goreng and Fruit Loops dont look or taste pretty when they come up.. I guess I really needn't worry about missing out on my rice any more.. After that PB episode, I really am turned off.. I was watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and kept having to race to the bathroom for another heave ho..
My parents are coing over for a BBQ in an hour, and i have made a nice salad to go with fresh fish on the BBQ, garlic rissoles, sausages and lamb chops.. If food fails, I just mite have to have a liquid meal.. hmmm..Speaking of that, I better go and get some drinks chilled..
Sorry it's short, but better than nothing.. oh and by the way, I have a new name for my scales this week.. BASTARD ASSHOLE!!! I simply must be retaining fluid.. there is no way that I could have gained 0.9kg this week..
Have a great week end Girls...
xx Nene

P.S SHAGGS!!! CALLING SHAGGS!!! Where the heck are you woman??? I miss you...xx

MY WEEK END, PERSONAL THOUGHTS & APPRECIATIONS

2010-01-18T11:42:00.002+10:00

How was your weekend girls?? Mine, was ok.. Didnt do a whole lot.. Opened the shop as usual on saturday morning 6am, only had to work till 10am, then if was the rest of the weekend off for me. But then when you're working a family business, you never really have time off.. there's always stuff going on in the background..Anyway, Ayisha has been sick over the last week, high temps, lethargic, clingy, vomiting (when the temp is high) up at all hours of the night.. Sooo by saturday afternoon after work, I was knackered.. so I had a nanny nap.. And let me just say, I dont plan to be having one of those again, any time soon, I woke up feeling worse.. I guess I'm just not the kind of person to sleep in the day.. Ayisha is doing much better by the way. Oh and I picked up a bargain at the garage/yard sale at the house next to our shop just as I fiished work on saturday.. The young girl there was selling alot of her toys that she has outgrown, so I scored a Baby Born Bathtub, with an attatched shower and toys, in brand new condition.. which only cost me $5 and a Baby Born Baby (doll) Carrier also for $5.. A Disney Bambi DVD for $2 and a brand new Billabong girls school bag for $3.. BARGAIN!!! Ayisha can use the bag for daycare.. Sunday morning we drove out to the Petrie Country Markets..in the past these have been pretty good, nice cheap fruit and vege, and all kinds of nice little stalls to look at.. Well not this time, it was crap.. Not much at all, so we made a beeline for the Indonesian Food Stand, and got us some food, and drove on to North Pine Dam, and ate there at a picnic spot.. It really looked lovely, so I snapped a pic for you all to see..

North Pine Dam

On the food front, I am snacking all day long, because when I sit for a meal, I cant seem to get much down before feeling stuck, so I am constantly grazind g. Not real good but its getting me by.. and I am trying to graze on healthier foods.. I cut the cheeks off a mango and cut then into strips and put them in an airtight container in the freezer.. I just grab a piece or two out when I feel like something and that fills me nicely.. so nice when frozen. It makes a ot of difference when there is stuff prepared to eat, it helps to avoid reaching for a naughty quick fix.

Weight wise.. the losing streak has stopped, and I am sitting on 109.4kgs.. I'm not too down about this, as I hada substantial loss in 1 week. But I do hope that I'll be on that streak again sooner than later..

I am starting to find that I dont mind my reflection so much anymore.. I am taking more chances at looking at my reflection these days, and am even semi smiling at what I see.. When I think back to what I weighed this time last year, and the feelings of disgust that I had about myself, I am so happy that I was given the chance to have this band.. I owe my parents my life.. even though I dont owe them for the operation anymore, as I have worked it off.. BUT, if it wsnt for them to put up the money in the first place, I could quite honestly tell you that I have serious doubts that I would be here and breathing today. I reached some pretty dark places in my mind back then, and so often now, I look at alot of larger ladies and kind of feel for them, because I know that they too would have to be suffering in some way. I mean, of course they would be suffering physically, but emotionally too, and that emotional part is so hard to shed.. OK enough dark stuff.. Just wanted to express the fact that I feel like I have come such a long way in both areas.. Physically and emotionally..

Ohhh and guess what... I was at work the other day and a delivery guy was dropping off some fruit juices, and I recognized him from him having delivered to our old shop a few years ago.. Well holy heck, he was full of compliments, his eyes were fixed on my cleavage and roaming over my body.. I felt absolutely gross.. He was saying that I have lost so much weight and look hot... HOT!! can you believe it??? certainly not a word I would use to discribe me.. Ha ha.. then he gets to asking if I am married, do I have kids, etc?? I stopped him in his tracks when I told him, I had been married for nearly 10 years and that I have 2 children.. He went several different shades of red (and being a red head, you can imagine how red he would have gone).. he ended up saying "what a shame".. All I could think was.. WHAT A FARKING JERK!!!!.. I mean it was flattering in some way, but then at the same time.. I was the same person those few years ago when he used to come into our store.. and he never approached me... So i guess he might be just after the superficial stuff.. Who knows.. ??? But I do know one thing.. It is very strange to have attention from males.. I'm not quite comfortable with it yet... But I will say that I am VERY comfortable with all the extra attention and affection that I am getting from hubby.. But I think it doesnt only come from the fact that I have lost weight, and am looking a bit better, I think it starts with the fact that I am a much happier person to be around.

Okey dokey, I am being summoned by Ayisha to sit with her to watch a movie.. So I best be getting offline..

Hope all is well in your worlds..

xx Nene

P.S By the way, I am excited that I seem to be getting new followers/commenters.. thanks all and welcome..

MERMAID OR WHALE???

2010-01-14T18:15:00.001+10:00

I received this in my email, and thought I would share.. I love it..lol

Recently, in a large city in Australia ,
a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer,
do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman,
whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster,
responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are wonderful singers
and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures
and virtually have no predators
other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired
by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life
because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them ... where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either.
Not to mention,
who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice

cream with my kids, a

good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.

With time, we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,

¨Good grief, look how smart I am!¨

xx Nene

JUST HAD TO SHARE

2010-01-14T07:59:00.002+10:00

I took the kids over to my parents place the other day for a swim.. Montel wouldnt pose properly for a pic, and this is what I got.. It's a classic.. Such a big fake grin.. but ohh so cute and comical.. He truely is my special little guy.. I love him to bits.. If only he wouldnt skin his knees every time he rides his freakin scooter.. Not a whole lot else to say today.. and I should be getting ready to leave for work.. Once again, I have had comments from some new readers.. Welcome, and I so enjoy getting feedback. Good luck to those of you who are about to begin or have just begun.. You have made a life saving/changing decision.. All for the better..

xx Nene

A WELCOME AND A WINGE (rant?)

2010-01-13T06:27:00.003+10:00

First, I want to welcome and thank some of my new followers for commenting.. Lovely to have you aboard this crazy ship..Just to let you know, I am pretty direct and to the point and dont really sugarcoat anything.. How I feel, or what is in my head, is what you will read.. every now and then, I have a bit of a brain fart (Some call it PMS depression) but I soon pick myself up and dust myself off..
I am only a few weeks away from my 1 year bandiversary, and have lost 37kgs.. ok, so not as much as alot of other bandsters who weighed as much as I did in the beginning, But I'll be the first one to take the blame for that in the way that I havent exercised, have pretty much eaten what I want ( not junk all the time, but if I feel like a treat, dammit, I'm gonna have one).. All in all, I know the weight is coming off, and will continue to come off.. I have made many mini goals in this past year, and have not really acheived them. But I dont beat myself up over it.. Just push that goal a little further down the line.. eventually I know I'll acheive it..
Being banded is not a race to get to your goal in the first year, so if things slow down at any time, dont think you're failing, just keep on keeping on..you'll get there.. .. So once again, Welcome :)

So, today I am weighing in at 109.5kg, and I'm feeling happy about that.. ( ask me in a few months, and I'll be like... I was happy about 109.5kgs???!!!!) but for now I am.. it is a little frustrating that 2 weeks before christmas, I was down at 108.5kg, but naughty silly old me decided to indulge a little too much on vodka cruisers and christmas cheer.. Bu moving onwards, and downwards (on the scale).. its almost like a tug of war with my scales, just when I see things going in my direction, they turn around and pull the heck away.. but having been tightened up, all is better.. restriction...
Ohh, speaking of restriction.. Yesterday i was so tense and uptight.. It was my day off for the week, and I had to look after the 2 children of the lady who works for us.. Which, really works for my kids, as one of them is my sons best friend, and his little sister who is only 2 years older than Ayisha.. Lets just say, I was that tense and uptight, I couldnt even get the spoonfull of icecream down at lunch time, well it got down, but came back up over the next half hour.. Oh it isnt nice to bring up cold ice cream.. I knew I was tight, and avoided eating anything set as a meal, but when I was giving the kids their after lunch ice cream treat, I had one mouthfull, and wowsers, it caused me some trouble.. The kids were all pretty well behaved, but I tell you something.. Girls are high maitenance.. My kids know how to pretty much occupy themselves, but throw an extra 2 into the mix and it's chaos, and it seemed their attention span was very very short.. So my day off was SHIT!!! I should have just gone to work. It seems to be the only place I get "me" time. I love kids, I really do BUT this far into the school holidays, I am certainly not in the mood for hosting play dates..
Well, I've had my gripe and it's time for me to get ready for work..
Have a great day everyone..
xx Nene

THE KG'S ARE DROPPING AGAIN... YES!!!!

2010-01-11T06:18:00.003+10:00

So this latest fill, just might be the thing I have been needing. My fix for jumping on the scales at any given time of day is getting worse though.. LOL.. I have even moved the scales into another room, but I still wander off to get on them.. The reason... I have gone from 112kg down to 109.5kg since Wednesday (5 days). Looks like my chances of getting down to a 40kg loss (106.6kg) is in sight. Close enough is good enough though. I'm feeling great, apart from the fact that it's still TTOTM.. It is a little frustrating though that it was only 1 month ago, I weighed in at 108.5kg, but thanks to my liquid meals of vodka over the christmas/new year, my weight went all the way back up.. damn it.. But it did get me thinking.. If I didnt have the band, just how much would I have gained in this time. That thought is scary. Which brings me to a story to tell you..
You see, on Christmas eve, we were invited to a couple's house for a bbq and drinks (christmas get together).. I had been meaning to get together with this particular woman for the last couple of years.. (I know it sounds bad).. you see, I met her in the hospital when my friend had her baby, and was talking about having recently traveled to Ghana (my hubby's home country), and this lady came over to me, and said she overheard me say that I went to Ghana, and that she is married to a Ghanaian, and they have just moved up from Sydney. Blah blah, trying to cut it short.. anyway, over the last couple years, I have seen her around at the school, and so forth.. (she has 2 daughters, 1 of which goes to the same school as Montel).. we always say that we will catch up, but never do... Sooo finally, when she issued us with an invite for christmas eve, we happily accepted, even as busy as I was, and had so much to do, but was happy to finally have a get together with them... Soo, whilst eating, I mentioned the fact that I am so glad that I can still have rice (thinking she already knew about my band, as my sister thought she had told her).. she looked at me a little strange and asked why I wouldnt be able to.. I went on, about having the band, and that some people cant eat rice, and she was shocked and suprised to find out that I was banded.. She then said it was interesting and asked who I was banded by.. I told her and then she said she also had one.. WOW WOW WOW... So it's nice to have more than the fact that our husbands are from the same country in common, because with being where our guy are from, comes the whole thing of... African men prefering their women a little on the thicker side.. My husband has been ok with it all.. And this lady said her's also has been very supportive. But when I told my husbands brother about when I was going to get the band, he couldnt understand why I would do such a thing.. LOL.. Soo, with my intentions of going back and visiting Ghana at the end of this year, I know I will be met with alot of confused and concerned faces.. As last time I went, I weighed 130kg. I know that some of the older people will wonder if i am sick.. lol..I'm sure hubby will explain. Cant quite remember where i was going with my story of catching up with Vicki, and finding out that she has also been banded...ohhh.. ok, back on track.. You see, Vicki told me yesterday that she had some fill taken out before Christmas, due to heartburn, and that now she NEEDS restriction because she put on 4kg over christmas/new year.. I'm thinking that because our bodies are used to not having much food, that when we do, we gain weight a little easier than before... what do you think???

And back to my new plan of travelling to Ghana to spend the Christmas and New Year, it has given me a good reason to get to my goal weight by then..It will be such a difference to travel in a plane and not have the arm rests digging in and bruising my hips. However I intend to get ALL fill taken out before travelling, because for some reason, I dont think there will be a doctor over there with knowledge of lapbands... lol.. And heck, I want to be able to eat their yummy foods without issue.. I also think that if I have something apart from weightloss to look forward to, it will take my mind off food in some way. Which in turn might fast track the weight loss.

I have just browsed over this post, and it's all over the show, but I'm just mindlessly tap tap tapping away at the keys with random headthoughts..
Have a good day if you havent already tuned out...
xx Nene

PICTURE UPDATE 110.7kgs (244lbs)

2010-01-07T08:23:00.002+10:00

When I convert the kgs to Lbs, I am so glad that we go in Kgs.. 244lbs sounds so freakin much.. lol.. Anyway, I got Montel to take these pics for me this morning, before going to work. Just to keep you updated.. Singlet is sz 18 (US 14), skirt is sz L (US 14-16) from Crossroads.. The skirt is shirred at the top and can be worn as a strapless dress too.. Cant you see, I need some bronzer on the under side of my granny flappin'arms.. they're so white and makes the flab stand out alot..In the top pic, you can see that I still have a tiny bit of swelling in the belly button region.. Guess I best be trying to crack some gas to get it down some more.. I so wish I had have taken pics of when I was at full bloat the other day.. You would have been amazed.

Ta Ta for Now..

xx Nene

EVERYTHINGS OK

2010-01-07T06:24:00.002+10:00

OK, so I was in a bit of a panic yesterday, only to find out when I went to the doc that my problems were all caused by constipation and gas.. Hmm, slightly embarrassing.. I told the doc that I had 3 bowl movements in the last 5 days, and thought that would be sufficient.. Which usually would be for a bandster.. HOWEVER!! even though I went, it doesnt mean that I was totally cleared out, and there ended up being a bit of a "back up".. which in turn held back the gas. Apparently, the fact that I dont drink anywhere near enough fluids, can cause it to kind of dry up in there and although some makes it to the toilet, the rest just kind of hands around to make me feel as bloated and shitty as possible.. No pun intended... lol..I had however noticed that yesterday, before I went to the doc, alot of the swelling had subsided, and I was starting to feel a bit more comfortable, after having "let fluffy off the chain" a few times.. I was been burping for no reason too.. As for the lumps I was feeling in my stomach, well the doctor had a good feel, and explained that now that I have lost some weight, I will discover bones and muscles that stick out and can be felt that I would never have known that I have. She felt that everything was normal. Sooo I got a .5ml fill top up and was on my way. I have booked in to see her in a months time, just to keep on top of things.
When I was at the docs, I was weighed, and weighed in at 112kg... but on a brighter note, this morning, I weighed myself and it read 110.7kg... Finally, hopefully this will be the last time I see the heavy side of 110kg. I know alot of it is fluid though, as it is TTOTM.. but heck, I dont care.. I'm just glad to see it down.
Since being filled yesterday, I have fantastic restriction. I have been a little too nervous to try anything heavy, but I guess I will find out today.. But it's funny.. I didnt even feel like dinner last night.. I had a cup of tea instead.
Thanks for your concern, and I hope that my info ( however gross it may be) will be of a help to you guys. It's a little bit worrying when you come across something that you havent experiences before, and my first worry is that it could be band related and need operating on.. Ohh my worst nightmare.. (I'm not insured).. I do sometimes think that if this band decided to pack it in, and misbehave, (need fixing), I would opt to get it taken out, and get the Gastric Sleeve done. But then, I guess I may feel differently about it if it came to the crunch. .. Who knows, and I dont want to know.. Ha ha..
Anyway, I slept in a bit this morning, and really should be getting ready for work..
Have a great day/night everyone ♥
xx Nene

OFF TO THE DOCTOR

2010-01-06T06:11:00.002+10:00

For the last 2-3 days I have had some pretty severe upper abdominal bloating (from about the belly button up) and some very stange lumpyness un the upper part of my stomach too. mean, I can feel my port, but these masses are far bigger than a port, and I feel terribly uncomfortable.. So, I am off to see my fill doctor, who is also a GP.. Dr Duncombe. Hopefully she will be able to shed some light on whats going on with me.. I look like I am 5-6 months pregnant.. Soo not cool with me. I couldnt even suck my gut in if I tried, and it kind of feels like theres a rockmellon in there..
Also whilst at the doc's, if all else is ok, I am going to get a fill. Thats of course if the needle doesnt pierce my stomach and let out come toxic gas.. LOL.. Wonder if it is just trapped gas, as sometimes the pain aso changes sides. All I know it is has me very confused and uncomfortable and very lumpy.
Will keep you posted.
xx Nene

UPDATE

2010-01-04T05:58:00.002+10:00

So it's 5:30am as I sit here pondering what to blog for you all, and I am enjoying the beautiful sound of rain, and cool breeze that it's bringing.. what makes it even better is that at this time of morning, I am alone with my thoughts.. Yes, Peace and quiet.. just me and the rain.. Dont get me wrong, I love having the kids home on school holidays, but when my house turns into a makeshift daycare for all the neighborhood kids, it kind of does my head in. It seems like my house is a magnet for all these kids. And to be honest, there isnt a whole lot to do here.. No trampolene, no swing set, no swimming pool... only a basketball hoop out back.. Even the drive way isnt good to ride the ripstick on, that gets ridden on the footpath out front..I have ut my foot down, and will not allow any of the kids to play inside anymore, in order to keep a little sanctuary for myself.. I cant believe just how coinfident and some lacking in manners some of these kids are..
I never would have just walked into someones house and opened the fridge to get a drink, or walked in and picked up the phone to call and ask if I can have a water fight.. I would have very shyly asked from the door, or got my friend to ask their parent. It feels like every few minutes, there is a child at the door, now asking for a drink, something to eat, or to use the toilet.. you see, I now lock all the screen doors leading into the house, so I have control of who comes in. Do I sound like the fun police?? Well I dont think I am.. I hope not.. I mean, I bake these kids muffins, cut up fruit platters, buy them freakin water bombs to keep them occupied.. Ahhah!! maybe this is where I'm going wrong.. they might be getting it better here than at home.. Do these parents of these kids ever think that "Montel and Ayisha's" mum needs a break??? Hack and in between time, I am at work.. So to get quality time with my kids, I must take them out.. I dont want to be out!! I want to kick back at home, get some housework done, watch a dvd, cook/bake... Not friggen babysit, and entertain a bunch of under 10 year olds. OK, vent over..

Ok, on the weight front, I woke and weighed this morning, as usual, and am down to 111.7, which is a kg down from 01/01/2010.. I guess it is alot of fluid, because I have been pee' ing like a an old lady at a nursing home comedy show, and my fluid intake hasnt been all that much.. I so want to get my ass into gear this year. I look at some other blogs, and see just how well some others have been doing.. and sometimes feel like a bit of a failure.. I mean, I know that I'm not, but I know I just have to give it some OOMPH!!

Speaking of Oomph.. I told hubby when he came to see me at work on saturday morning, that we should go walking that evening.. I could see that he was impressed with my enthusiasm, and I was feeling good about it, but then, as soon as I got home, I walked through the door, and pulled the screen door shut behind me, the damn screen came a little faster than I had anticipated, and caught the back of my heel, OH THE PAIN, it knocked the breath out of me.. Ayisha was around, so all I would breathlessly utter was " Fa Fa Fa Fa.... OUCH!!!" I so wanted to scream "FARK!!!" Isnt it funny how you hurt your foot, but continue to hobble and pace around on it. I had a look down, and saw that I had scraped a nasty thick chunk of skin off the back of my heel, and it was swelling and throbbing as I looked at it.. Hubby squats to look at it, and starts to try to touch it.. I pulled my leg away from him, so fast, looking at him like he was crazy. It was only an hour later that I realised that I would be able to walk to my full potential, because there was no way I could put my foot into an enclosed shoe.. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!!.. But it's mending well, and I keep covering it in pawpaw ointment, it should be good to go by the end of the week.. I hope.. In the time being, I make sure I do as much exercise around home without having to wear shoes.
Anyway, Montel has just opened his eyes for the day, so I best get up and prepare him some breakfast.. Have a great day everyone..
xx Nene

Happy New Year (Not so happy weigh in)

2010-01-03T08:53:00.004+10:00

Well I just thought I would post my weight stats to enter the new year. I woke on New Yeas Day, and could have curled up in the corner and sobbed.. I have put on weight.. in a big way.. in 2 weeks, I managed to go from 108.5kg to a mighty 112.7kg... WTF??? thats 4 farkin kgs.. I know I am due for my lady things in the next few days, but heck, I know it couldnt all be fluid retention.. So right now, I feel like I am right back at the beefy 146.6kg... AArrgghhh.. my goal is to get down to 106.6 before my 1 year bandiversary on 29th Jan..than, I will be happy to say I lost 40kg in 12 months.. hmmm, I need to step right into gear.. getting tightened up this week, and even if it means a lil suffering on the food side of things, then so be it.. Time to get off the Vodka, and onto the water..no more soft drinks, no more hot chips (yes hot chips), no more pies (pastry and all)... Obviously I need more restriction..and better eating habbits..
God Help Me!!!

xx Nene

Last post for 2009

2009-12-30T06:39:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I got myself ready for work, and packed myself lunch and snacks, which was an assortment of fruit, and shredded chicken.. All with the good intention of trying to behave on the food front.. Well I started out ok, I had myself a bowl of cereal (a little too big in portion) but healthy.. I thought I was doing well , feeling full till mid morning, I was so hungry tht I could have eaten a horse and chased the bloody rider. Then I spied my fave naughty food.. The chicken and broccoli pie in that bastard asshole pie oven... looking all teasingly at me with it poppy seeds on top.. So instead of going out back to fetch me some cut up melon to munch on, I instead go out back, grab a plate and back to the dreaded oven, and fetch me that pie... Ohhh the guilt.. I felt guilty right away, even before letting it touch my lips.. But I was beyond help. So today I am not going to TRY today, I am just going to concentrate on other things and try to make the best choices.. I will give you an example.. I have been a smoker for a long time. Not a heavy smoker, just the odd 2-3 per day.. Many people have said "If thats all you have, then it should be easy to give up".. but in truth, if i didnt have those 2 or 3 per day I would lose my freakin mind... HOWEVER.. in the last 3 weeks, I am pretty much given up, and not by intention either, I just dont feel like it anymore.. I do however carry a packet in my bag, in case the feeling arises that I might like a social or stress reliever, but when it gets to that point, I might just think to myself that I have come this far, I just dont need it. You see, I have always hated the smell of smoke, hated me smelling like it, so even when I was to have one I would brush my teeth, wash my hands, spray myself all over with perfume.. It's so good not having to worry about it anymore. And it was even tested on christmas day when I had more than my fair share of alcoholic beverages, even my sister asked me if I was going to go outside for a smoke, and I declined.. Heck, I usually make like a chimney when having a drink.. but not anymore. BUT I am not game not to have them in my bag for fear that I might want them because they are not there. It's kind of like a comforter.. and I am hoping to do something similar with food.. somehow.
Today is my day off, and as I have been working over the school holidays, I have decided that whilst Ayisha goes to daycare to farewell her Bestest friend in the whole world ( she calls him her man).. lol... I am going to have mother son time, and take Montel to see the Chipmunks Movie and possibly go to sizzler.. He has already asked me if we can take the young boy next door, I asked him if it's not cool for him to come out with mama.. he said it is, but he just wants a friend to come.. But to be honest, the problem with that is, I just cant afford to be taking the neighborhood kids.. and I cant very well say to their mum, "Oh we are going to lunch and the movies, your son can come if you pay for him".. I think I would look very rude and uncooth.. lol... But things these days arent cheap, and I'm not living on top of a pot of gold..

What is everyones plan for New Years Eve? We have a friend with an apartment in the city, with very good views of where the fireworks will be, so we will be taking up the invite to go and hang there for the night.. I wanted to rent a room in the city, have a nice romantic night and all, but when I mentioned this to hubby some 2 months ago, he said we should put the money towards other things, so I got myself all pissed off, and didnt book it, then lastnight we were driving along, and he had the hide to ask which hotel it was that we were staying in for New Year... I SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE PUNCHED HIM!!!

Anyway, whatever it is that you all do for New Year, I wish you love and safety.. I thank you all for following my blog, and your support throughout my first 11 months of being banded. I also thank those of you who do blog, and have shared your life with me and many others, it makes the "journey" ( I dont like to use that term though) so much easier.. I cant imagine not having anyone to vent with and share ideas.. You all are wonderful..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Lots of Love
xx Nene

XMAS PICS

2009-12-27T15:57:00.002+10:00

My Babies with their Santa Hats
A Blurry view of our Boxing Day dinner setting (Read post below for the full story)

Our little visitor (read post below for story)

Isnt he/she just the cutest..

Our tree before the unwrapping onslaught..

Full BUT Not Satisfied...

2009-12-27T15:31:00.002+10:00

First let me start by saying that I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, as I did here.. the kids were overjoyed with their gifts from "santa"..and was a happy day in general.. quite laid back in fact. We had friends over for a breakfast of croissants, fruit platter, strawberry's dipped in chocolate...Sausages, bacon, eggs cooked on the bbq.. (very aussie huh..lol) as most bandsters are, I am usually quite restricted in the mornings, so with waking at 5:30am, and not having breakfast untill around 9, it wasnt too bad.. I was able to eat a bit.. although not as much as I would have liked...but I was ok with it... then moving on to my parents house in the afternoon, there was a feast of roast lamb, roast pork, potato salad, fresh salad with coutons and smoked kransky in it (I made this salad, it should be called Bitsa Salad, coz it's got bitsa this and bitsa that in it :) then there was corn, and other salad sides etc... Once again, I didnt over indulge, but probably because of the fact that my stomach was full of vodka cruiser bubbles... I think I had consumed about 8 of those tasty beverages throughout the day.. I was even suprised that I wasnt intoxicted.. BONUS!! By the time it was time for desert, I was ready to go home, I wasnt about to tackle the fruit flan, or fruit mince pies and custard, or christmas cake... I was fooded out for the day.. All in all, it was a great day though..
Boxing Day.. another nice day, we drove up to Woodford (to check out all the hippies, venturing on to the Woodford Folk Festival, as we do most boxing days) and stopped at a park to have some hot chips for a snack.. I had only a few before getting stuck, so I got up and walked Ayisha over to have a squat & pee under a tree.. By the time I got back to my seat, we had a little visitor..and I know it wasnt there when I was sitting there, because I had dusted the seat off before sitting at the table... The visitor was the most adorable little Green Tree Frog.. all shiny and pulsating.. sitting happily on the bench next to hubby.. Luckily I had the camera in the car so I set to work taking the little stars piccies.. Soo cute..
Then for our boxing day dinner, we drove into the city (west end) to our favourite Indonesian restaurant and got take away, this time my parents were following, and tried out fave food too.. We picked the food up and drove over to Kangaroo Point (City Look Out).. we were lucky enough to find a park and a table to sit at.. It was so beautiful to overlook the city whilst eating dinner.. So it was a superb Boxing Day too...
Now to explain my heading "Full but not satisfied" to you.. today, I have been picking at foods all day.. I am full, but dont feel satisfied with what I have eaten.. Almost like I would try to eat something else as full as I feel, just because I was that flavour in my mouth, or want to chew something of that consistancy... All day long, I have been grazing on bad bad bad foods.. 2 small bowls of ice cream, a packet of Salt & Vinegar chips, a few random snack size chocolates left over from a gift box of cadbury celebrations... an oven baked dinner roll that I PB'd on.. a small bowl of Cheerios cereal... none of it has hit the spot for me.. I am at the point that I feel so full that I physically couldnt eat another thing, but I WANT something else, dont know if it's salty or sweet, hot or cold...... I do know one thing is for sure.. I am getting tightened up as soon as I can in the first week of New Year.. Time to get serious..
My weightloss has gone to hell in a handbasket, and I must do something about it. Exercise is a must, or I will forever have these tuckshop lady arms, and inner thighs that look like a tub of melting lard..Oh, and just when I didnt think my titties could shrink any more... blow me down, they have.. I wouldnt mind having tiny perky titties if I had the body to match, but not these that looked like a sucked mango seed thats been hung to dry in a sock.. TRAGIC.
Anyway.. I've got to get ready for work.. dammit.. watch the news to see if I dont get arrested for throttling our sunday staff member.. Ohh it's a long story... and one that would almost be worth getting arrested for.. Long story... must think happy thoughts...
xx Nene

Merry Christmas Pic

2009-12-23T09:46:00.002+10:00

Standing next to my xmas table of Hampers in our shop.... Thought I'd wear something with the xmas colours in it.. bit wild.. lol

xx Nene

By the way, I fit into my sz 18 pants this morning.. Woo Freakin Hoo and the top is an L

MEMORIES OF CHRISTMAS PAST..

2009-12-22T11:43:00.004+10:00

I thought I would dedicate this post to Christmas, since it may be the last entry I make before 25th Dec..With christmas day drawing near, I am just as excited as my kids.. I cant wait to give them their presents, so they will have something to do, and keep out of my hair for a while.. lol.. Oh but i do love them to death, but Mama just needs a lil time out some times.. In saying that they are excited is one thing, but the fact remains that they will still sleep in long enough for me to have to wake them up, by screaming... Santa's Been!!!!! Santa's Been!!!!! Come Quick!!!!!!!!... whilst they lay there rubbing their eyes and stretching, before figuring out what their crazy mum is on about... I guess the reason that they sleep in (beyond 6am, which is as late as I let it go on xmas morn.) is because they lay in bed with their eyes wide open till late, trying to catch Santa..
Heck, I used to dive under the sheets, and cover my head and hands over my ears coz I didnt want to see or hear the big chubby man in the red suit... Hell no, he could just leave his goodies for me under the tree and ride his reindeer right on out of there, as far as I was concerned.. I was a real scaredy cat..
Back to the story... this year, as in previous years, I will no doubt have to wake my two little angels up, and race them out to the tree, where they will be greeted with the biggest mountain of presents... Silly me, thought it would be better to get the gifts bought early this year before the last minute rush... Ha!! what a load of rubbish that turned out to be.. I started months ago, and have kept friggin buying.. right up until yesterday.. and that was all because I did a count of how many presents each child had..and shit shit shit... Montel had more than Ayisha.. a whole 7 more..Sooo, of I went, back to the shops to even the tally.. Ayisha is 2 down on Montel, but I am quite honestly over the whole christmas rush at the shops.. I thought that at this time of year, people would be friendly and smiling, etc... Well not in my neck of the woods... these people have turned into the most miserable mongrels around.. Trolley rage, road rage, car park rage, check out que rage... A whole lotta angry people, and for what?!?!?! All in all, I have spent an absolute fortune, but it will all be worth it to see the smiles on my childrens faces..
Remembering back to christmases of my childhood, I remember waking up at the crack of a sparrows fart, and waiting and counting the minutes before we could wake mum and dad to be able to open our presents. One very memorable present was a newborn baby doll that had a penis.. I reckon I studied that dolls anatomy for the whole of the christmas holidays.. (for my US friends and followers, we get 6 weeks off school over the christmas)..Perhaps thats where my fascination for those things started.. LMAO... Another fantastic memorable present was my JEM doll.. She was the rockstar barbie style doll with flashing light earrings.. She had pink hair.. and she was hot... I would quite often grab the can of my sisters hairspray and sing into it... my sister who is 2 years older than me, used to use alot of hairspray because she would tease her fringe and style it like a wave across the front of her head... I was so envious of how it looked, and I could never get mine as good as hers.. Sooo, back to christmas...
My sister, myself, and our friends in our street (lots of kids of random ages) used to go round and sing carols on peoples front lawns.. I think we had more people shoo us away than listen to us.. so later on we would go and rock their roof (i.e. throw rocks in their roof)... so naughty.. lol.. wonder if thats why there's so many grumpy bastards at the shops these days.. they being kept awake from their roof being rocked... LOL
Mum and dad used to always put on a nice big BBQ, and mums twin brother used to come with his wife and kids.. presents would be exchanged, uncle Michael would raid the Chocolate and Lolly Dish, and we would try to look greatfull and happy with the crap that they bought for us.. My nan would be there, eating up all the meat, and watching everyone like a hawk to make sure they didnt eat what she was eyeing off.... Mum getting tipsy, swirling around her glass of wine, occasionally letting some spill, Dad, also getting tipsy, sitting there giggling, and nudging mum for no apparent reason.. LMAO.. they were both not big drinkers, so to see them getting tipsy was hilarious, although not at the time.. My sister and I would get angry at them for drinking.. god knows why..

I love the fact that you can wake on christmas morning, and eat a chocolate or a candy cane, and it's OK, because it's christmas.. Guzzle down soft drink all day, why not it's Christmas... graze on non-nutritious food all day long... it's alright, coz the chubby man was here the night before..

I think this year, I'm gonna have to tell the kids that Santa is on a diet.. he just doesnt eat as much as he used to, so when they leave him something out, they should be mindfull of that.. perhaps a vodka and a few cashews..

I have just realised that this post is all over the place, as I have been spilling it out in between customers. Oh well it just shows you a little something different.

So this Christmas, after I wake my babies.. open presents, I will be left to tidy up the paper, whilst hubby puts in batteries and reads instructions... then we are having some friends over for a BBQ breakfast.. then hopefully get a little rest time before going to my parents in the afternoon for a christmas dinner of assorted roasted meats, salads, veges, deserts etc.. only now that I am older, I will be getting tipsy too... lol.. and that doesnt take much. I know I will be a little frustrated that I wont be able to get into alot of the fun foods that represent a christmas feast day for me, but I will be greatfull that it means I wont have gained a size over that period too..

Another thought I will leave you with.. right now, I am loving life.. Things in my relationship with my husband are amazingly good.. I dont think I have been this happy in years... I dont think it is the fact that I have lost weight and looking better, I think it is more like .. I am easier to live with, look at life more positively etc... I am even communicating better with him.. which is a big thing for me, after so many years of biting my tongue... I love this band, I love what it has done for me so far.. although in 2010, i am going to kick my own ass into gear and up the anti on my weight loss.. 5 months of my gym membership has just worn away.... time to use it and shine in 2010..
Love you all, and the support you give..
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas
Lots of love
xx Nene

A FEW HOME TRUTHS

2009-12-16T09:08:00.003+10:00

I have just come to the realisation that after a month of tooing and fro'ing on the scales, it has taken me a whole month to lose 1 kg..So I guess it's time to tighten up.. But not before christmas. The surgeon told my sister that if you aren't losing 2kg per month, the band isnt tight enough.. or something along those lines anyway.. I guess, as I have said before, it would shift a lil quicker if I motivated myself and moved my ass a little in the exercise department.

I read Amy's blog this morning and was inspired to address the same subject on my blog today. It's all about habbits and secret self sabotage , pre band.. Like Amy, I too used to drive from Take Away joint to another.. I would stop at Mcdonalds because the kids wanted a happy meal.. There I would get them what they wanted, and get myself a quarter pounder meal, scoff it down before passing the KFC on the way home, and pull in to buy a Twister meal ( foolishly lying to myself that it was the healthy option because it had lettuce and tomato in a wrap) I would then arrive home and sit to eat that second meal with hubby, as if the Mcdonalds one never existed.. Or Subway, once one of my biggest addictions.. When I told my surgeon on my first appointment that I could eat 2 x 12 inch subs he was amazed.. Yes, I would order 2 identicle footlong subs, but then ask for different sauce on one of them to act like one of them was for someone else. I would pull over on the way home and scoff one down before reaching home to sit with the family for our Subway meal. My husband never realised just how much I was eating.. I hid so many pig outs from him. So he thought my weight gain was just from not exercising..

I'm not sure if i have mentioned in my blog about the time that I woke in the night to go and pee (being so overweight meant frequent nightly visits to the toilet), but I was halfway off the bed and collapsed, unable to move because my sciatica (back pain) was ceased. I was in excruciating pain, and was desperate to go to the toilet. The only thing to do was for my husband to call my mum, and then she called the ambulance.. Well once the ambulance arrived, they gave me some pain relief and tried to move me.. with no success, they called for the fire brigade to help them lift me.. I mean I wasnt even at my heaviest by this stage (maybe about 130kgs).. I was mortified that the fire brigade arrived with their lights flashing in the middle of the night, all my neighbors were out front, thinking that there had been some serious problem at my house, only for them to see me being carried out on a stretcher by 6 fucking unfit weakling men.. Hey, I respect the services, but for it to take 6 big men in their line of work to carry me out, is pathetic, and Oh so humiliating.
I was then transported to the hospital, put in a bed in emergency ward, and still busting so badly to pee. I told the nurses that I needed to, and nothing was done.. The later on, mum called to check on me, and asked if i had been able to releive myself, the bitch nurse had the hide to say to my mum that I am too big to be rolled over and put a bedpan under me.. My mum exploded and told her she would take it much further if I wasnt dealth with.
To cut a long story short, I was eventually able to wee, and discharged from hospital in the morning. I found a fantastic physiotherapist, who got me out of pain, and I have never looked back.. Apart from the mortifying turn of events that it took to get me to the hospital. Thats one of my stories from being stupidly overweight. Thankfully the night time pee breaks have stopped.
I am also now trying to work on the confidence thing, so that instead of when someone says "Hey Jennene, you look really good" , I usually say something like "I still got a long way to go"... now I just say "Thank you" .. and take the compliment for what it was. I mean, I know that I still do have a long way to go, but I dont need to highlight the fact, and should just feel good that the person noticed my progress. I guess its all about positivity..
Anyway, once again I best be getting up out the chair and do some work.. Fridges to stock, stinky customers to serve (the summer makes their body odour worse)...oh the joys...
xx Nene

A NEW NUMBER ON THE SCALE

2009-12-14T06:26:00.004+10:00

Once again it is TTOTM and my weight is dropping again.. so from a negative comes a positive.. However, since my last losing streak, which got me down to 109.2kg (i think) , I shot back up to 112kg almost overnight.. I could have torn my hair out, as not only did I gain the couple of kgs, but I was back above my 110kg mark... aarrgghhh... anyway... I have been wrestling the temptation not to weight myself every freakin day, and as usual, lost that battle.. but have noticed that in the last week, my weight has been gradually dropping again.. I was most pleasantly surprised this morning to wake and read a new set of digits.. 108.7kg... which now brings my total loss to 37.9kg in 10 months and 16 days..I SOOO want to get to 106.6kg for Christmas which would make my loss 40kg.. So I am going to get my butt into gear and go walking every damn day.. I just cannot let these scales rise again.
I remember when I was laying on the bed in theatre about to be put under anesthetic, and hoping that I could get down to 100kg by Christmas.. I know that isn't going to happen, but heck, I am not too far from it, so I am quite happy about it. Because throughout this whole time I have had the band, I haven't struggled to "change my lifestyle" or lived like I am still strictly dieting. I have enjoyed life. And I do suppose if I had stuck to my dietitians orders of what to eat (protein first and so forth) I would have done better with the loss. But I will mention once again, this isn't a race, and I have the rest of my life to get down to goal. ( A life that will be much longer now that I have shed some serious lard).. However in saying that i think I would be pretty pissed if I get to the end of next year and I am still no closer to goal..
What is my goal??? Hmmm to be honest, I don't really know. When organizing surgery with my doctor, he said I should concentrate on getting down to around 85kg.. However my "textbook goal" is actually 75kg.. I mean come on... I would looking bloody ridiculous at 75kg I'm sure. I would look like a bean pole.
So really, my goal is more clothing oriented. I will be happy to get down to a size 12 ( just did conversion, which is a US sz 8).. And as for the BMI stuff.. I don't care much for that.. I never really understood it, apart from the fact that I was on the dangerous end of that number scale.
I have gone from morbidly obese to now just being at obese (Whoopdee farkin doo) that doesn't mean shit to me.. I don't need that BMI thing pulling my spirits down. Enough said.. lol

Yesterday we drove down to the Gold Coast and went to the Cararra Markets.. and I bought myself a new bra.. It shocked me for a number of reasons.. #1. it was a sz 16c (38c) #2. it was only $6 #3. It fits so good that it doesn't irritate my band site when I sit down for a meal.. I wish I had have bought more.
Another thing, although it was a stinkin hot 36 degrees (96.8F) whilst we were at the markets , I still powered on, yes it was hot, but it didnt get to me.. I wasn't puffing and panting and sweating like a dog. Perhaps one day I will be one of those skinny people that sing from the rooftops how much they LOVE summer... ummm don't know if I could ever go that far.. but i will say it is becoming more bearable.

Band news... this thing is so freaking unpredictable. One day, it is so tight that i have a hard time getting my thick shake down (naughty naughty I know).. I even PB'd it up. Then the next day, I am able to eat a 6 inch subway sub.. I mean WTF!?!?! I will say however that I got the sub double toasted so it was much dryer, so it was easier to crunch on. It took me about 30 minutes to eat too..and it was so damn good. Then again the next day, I go to have a piece of multi grain toast (well toasted) and after one bite, it gets stuck... drives me bonkers. I was tempted to get a tiny bit of fill taken out for xmas, but I'm not now. I just hope that my band is being friendly on xmas day. If not, then it will teach me a lesson not to be a guts... lol

Anyway, I best get my ass out of the seat and find myself some breakfast before the kids wake up and swing into action for the day..
xx Nene

ANOTHER Photo Update

2009-12-11T09:49:00.002+10:00

I thought I would take a pic to show you my new dress, and the fact that it is a shorter length dress.. This is a first for me. I have hated my legs for as long as I can remember, and even though I dont love them, I have come to realise that they dont look so bad anymore. I will tell you the story behind this dress.. You see, my nan/grandmother was telling me about this dress that she had bought herself in the hope that she would fit into it after 4 weeks of strict dieting.. My nan is about a size 24 and the dress is a size 16 (Rockmans sz 16).. anyway, she realised after a couple of weeks that she wouldnt make her goal (Bless her) and offered me the dress.. At this stage, I still hadnt seen the dress, and was a little weary of accepting something that I was sure I wouldnt like. (after all, my nan had picked it out) So I was pleasantly surprised when she brought it over and took it out of the bag and I held it up to me.. I thought "It's not something I would buy for myself or even consider trying on in the store, BUT I am so glad I got this off nan. Because now it has opened my eyes to change the cuts that I wear and also get a bit adventurous in trying new styles. And check me out, I have a booty.. LMAO

Hips are still a lil too big for my liking, but I'll get there..

I covered myself in fake tan before I went to bed the night before, and my legs were brown enough not to pass for thick glow sticks.. Hubby even said that my nan has better taste in clothes than me.. Ppfffttt..

Yesterday my band was so tight, I PB'd quite a bit. I was actually out at sizzler, and after only 2 mouthfulls of potato bake, I was off to the bathroom.. I went into the disabled bathroom, for privacy, and to spare everyone from the noises of my PB.. Well you should have seen me.. Arms in the air, slamming my back up against the baby change table that was assembled on the wall.. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and shook my head, I didnt know whether to laugh or cry.. In any case, I found that being thumped in the back and holding my arms in the air, cleared the situation up real good.. I then proceded to go back out to the table after the third bathroom visit and had a bowl of soft serve ice cream.. I was not leaving that place without at least getting my moneys worth out of it.. So all in all, it cost me $15.50 to use their bathroom for a spew and have a bowl of ice cream.. However it was only 2 days prior that I was able to eat almost a whole plate of food there.. I guess thats what happens when you get greedy..

Another thing.. I have been getting the worst possible headaches.. I was up from 2am till 4.30am on thursday morning with a thumper of a headache.. I sat on the floor of the shower and let the hottest water flow over my head, usually this fixes it, but not this time.. I took 2 paracetamol, no pain relief, laid on the couch with a hot wheatbad on my head, still no relief, another shower, followed by some Nurofen (Ibuprofen) and finally some sign of relief.. However, now today (10.10 friday morning) I still have the slight dull ache in the back of my head. Also a bit of dizziness.. I guess i really have to see the doc..

Well i just got a big drink delivery, so i best get to work..

Have a great week end

xx Nene

Random Chatter

2009-12-09T11:42:00.002+10:00

I seem to have found myself with a new issue.. Whilst out with my sister the other day, she brought it to my attention that I seem more insecure of my looks now that before being banded.. My example is that we were walking through a shopping centre and fept toying with my clothing to make sure it wasnt clinging or looking out of place.. I am very self critical, and since Tracey brought this to my attention I have noticed just how much I fidget and twiddle my fingers in front of myself when I walk through a shopping centre. I feel bare naked if I just let my hands drop to my sides...Whats up with that?? I wish I knew. I mean, I feel ok, when I look at my reflection before leaving the house, but I guess I just dont want to be in the spotlight or scrutenized by others.. Will this feeling ever leave me?? Oh I surely hope so.
I was also talking with a fellow bandster (One of my blog followers, whom I was lucky enough to have met) and we were talking about the issue of wondering when enough is enough in regards to once having lost the weight, will we be truely happy in our own skins, or be on the look out for something more we can do to "fix" ourselves. Now, from what i see, Tammy ( this fellow bandster) looks fantastic from my eyes, but she feels that things could be better here or there.. I know we are most critical of ourselves, and tend to find imperfections in ourselves that dont even appear to others.. I wish I could just spend one day loving myself without flaws.. I doubt this will ever happen, and just need to learn to embrace what I have and learn to love it. Easier said than done.. enough of the negative stuff..

On a more positive note.. I have had comments lately that I have gained myself a bum/bottom.. Now usually people would be offended to hear such a comment.. LOL.. but not me.. You see, I have had such a big block ass for as long as I can remember, so to finally have the shape of something that resembles a normal backside is a little exciting.. I'll have to get someone to snap a rear ended pic of me, so i can see it properly for myself. I tried backing myself up to the mirror, but it doesnt quite work.

Another thing.. yesterday my band was really very restrictive, but today I have done nothing but eat.. I guess it also depends on what is being eaten, and the fact that I have been having water crackers with mashed banana wouldnt help keep me full for long.. Thats the one thing about this job that sucks.. I cant sit for a meal without being disturbed.

Oh well, I best be getting back to work, I keep losing my train of thought when I have to get up to serve just when i get an idea of something to tell you all.
Oh, just remembered.. I also have been feeling really crappy lately, mainly at night.. Nausea, a little hot and flushy, dry in the mouth... and very tired... I wonder if I need my iron levels tested.. or if I should take a vitamin, I mean, I couldnt be preggas, I'm on the pill.. could it be early menopause??? hope not.. any ideas?? anyone else feel this way??

xx Nene

JUST ANOTHER PIC

2009-12-03T08:06:00.001+10:00

This is my new fave pic.. I can see my weightloss here..

THURSDAY'S RANDOM RAMBLINGS

2009-12-03T07:45:00.003+10:00

I really feel like I have completely fallen of the wagon.. I have been making bad food choices, and feel physically just as bad for it.. I am just always so damn tired.. I guess this would be from lack of protien/iron.. etc.. I really want to turn this around, but have got myself in a ditch because my weight has gone up to 111.5kg.. I mean god damn, I know I havent eaten enough to have put on that much weight.. and even though my choices arent the best, I couldnt have eaten enough of the bad stuff for it to have gone up so quick.. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe it's because of where I am in my cycle.. almost TTOTM...
Ohh lordy, just had a quick break in blogging.. my daughter decided to get into my nail polish and do her own..I did a quick clean up and looks like she will be attending daycare today with very funky looking legs, toes and hands.. Oh, just when do the terrible 2's stop.. she's already freakin 4... *take a deep breath* ...
I am trying not to let myself have that rotten "want to kill everyone" week, that seems to be making its presence in my life the week before my period..So I will keep the deep relaxing breaths coming..lol
Today I am off to Crossroads for their members 40% off storewide sale. (www.crossroads.com.au here's the website for those non-aussies :) ) I am looking to buy me some new pants/trousers and some tops.. as I seem to have filled my wardrobe with dresses over the last couple of months. I just hope I find what I am after, as its always the way when I am after something, I can never find it, but when I am down and out, and cant afford it, I find everything I could ever want. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I seem to have pretty good restriction, BUT I just want to eat all the time.. even when I am full..I just want the taste in my mouth. Is this normal?? I think it might have something to do with the fact that I really dont get much chance to sit down and concentrate on having a meal at a meal time, because of my restriction in the morning, then being at work and serving at lunch time, and then getting everything organized at home in the evening.. So I just graze all day. I really gotta get my act together..
Anyway, I best get to styling up, so I can hit the shops..And I just want to thank AMY for her excellent post today. You truely are wonderful.
xx Nene

THE BIG PINEAPPLE

2009-11-30T09:43:00.003+10:00

Hello ladies, I hope you all have had a great week end.. Well yesterday morning (sunday) we were trying to think of what we could do for the day, with it being so hot and all.. So we decided to jump in the car and head for the sunshin coast.. and where did we end up??? The Big Pineapple... And I must say, What a let down.. That place has gone downhill so much that I dont know how it survives. As you will see below, we made a bee line for the "Famous Parfait Deserts" that the Big Pineappple is also famous for.. as as you will see in the pic below, we bought 2 Banana Split deserts to share among the 4 of us. For a cost of $20.. RIP OFF!!! it actually looks nice in the pic, but in reality, the fruit they used it it was rotten, and very soggy..

They look excited to tuck into it, but they soon lost their enthusiasm.

Is Montel trying to take a bite??? lol..

And as usual, a pic of me for good measure.. the lighting wasnt the best though. Bit I am starting to realise that I dont look like such a huge blob next to hubby..

Now I have a question for all you banded girls that like to indulge in or even binge in the occassional alcoholic beverage....Have any of you found that you can no longer drink as much as before?? I mean, I can drink about 4 drinks (usually bourbon and coke zero or pepsi max, or something similarly fizzy) and although I might feel a lil tipsy, and feel like drinking more.. I physically cant because I will begin to feel sick..not sure if it from all the bubbles.. or that i am drinking too fast... any ideas?? Not saying that I want to get roaring drunk, but I want to at least be able to enjoy a liquid xmas/new year, if I cant indulge in the foodier parts of it.. lol

Anyway, I've had minimal sleep overnight, and want to get some rest before I start work this afternoon.

Catch you later..

xx Nene

PRE BAND PICS

2009-11-27T06:04:00.002+10:00

I was going through an old USB stick lastnight, and came across some more horrible pics.. of me Pre Band.. Its sad to think, that I actually thought I looked ok back then..

OMG, I seriously look pregnant here.. and I considered that top slimming on me. But then to admit it, I did used to walk around with my hand on my stomach, hoping that people would think I was preggas instead of just plain supersized.

Look at my face.. Oh words cant describe.. YUK

And another one.

Having lost a noticeable amount of weight, I sometimes find it strange when people come up to me and say "Wow Jennene, you look fantastic, Have you lost weight??" I mean, I am seeing that I have lost it, but to know that other people are seeing it, is very flattering. It makes me feel good. But the truth is, I still have alot of the same insecurities today that I had at full weight. I find that when people look at me, I must have something out of place, or get worried that they may think, "OMG look at her, she shouldnt be wearing that".. etc etc..

I would love to go to a funpark/themepark with the kids.. But I still feel that I would be too big to go on the rides, athough I do know that I went on those rides when I was bigger than I am now, so it wouldnt physically be a problem. But phsycologicaly I am being held back ( I think thats how best to explain it).

Well I best be getting ready for work. Have a lovely week end girls..Oh and to Tammy, I have been slack, I will reply your email soon.

xx Nene

SHOWING OFF AGAIN (lol)

2009-11-26T13:51:00.002+10:00

Here are some more pics.. I got Montel to take them this morning, of me modelling my latest addition to my wardrobe.. Lovly little strapless (straps supplied, but optional) dress. Comes complete with the belt looking attatchment too. Bonus.. I'm still not entirely confident about going strapless, so if I am going to wear this is the near future, I will be using the ones supplied, they are pretty much as thick as a convertable bra strap. Looking at these pics, I also realise that this dress isnt the most flattering, but I like it anyway.

So today is my day off work, and I have been hunting down and bargain shopping for xmas lights. I have spent an hour or two in the sun, putting them on the tree out front, and on our back deck.. and ouchy wah wah... I got me some sunburn..

On the scale front, not so happy.. For some reason, I have gone up again, by almost a kg.. Oh well Shit Happens. Once again, it's that festive time of year, and I'm not going to behave, nor will I ever behave at this time of year.. lol ... infact, I just finished off a small slice of my new favourite dessert.. Sara Lee's Caramel Banana Barvarian.. Soo yum, and I have never really been a dessert kind of person. I much prefer savoury food.. But with this hot weather, it goes down a treat.

Well, there you have it, just a short blog from me today..

xx Nene

QUIZ Q&As

2009-11-24T13:11:00.002+10:00

1. How long have you been banded?
9 Months & 26 days
2. What was your highest pre-band weight and current weight now?
My heighest pre-band weight was 146.6kg (323lb)
My weight now is 109.9kg (242lb)
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get your protein?
Cashews, Cheese ... ummm is peanut butter counted as protein.??
4. What is your favourite protein brand/shake?
They are all disgusting... yuk yuk yuk.. However the one I had prior to banding was the optifast strawberry, blended with heaps of ice to almost make it eatable with a spoon..
5. What food do you miss the most, now being post band?
I miss being able to tuck into a big juicy burger (with the bun), I miss jam & cream donuts, and the list could go on.. but in saying that, I certainly dont go without.
6. What is your favourite mushy food?
Taco mince with mashed sweet potato..
7. What was your worst PB experience?
Ohhh, I have had more than I care to remember. Boiled Egg is a bad one to PB on. The hardest was to try to PB into an empty take away outlet bag whilst hubby and kids are in the car. (I am very private about PBing) so it was horrible.
8. What has been the hardest part about this journey so far for you?
Not being able to drink as much as I want when I am thirsty after a meal, and also of late, not being able to consume as many alcoholic beverages as I would like to because of the carbonation filling me up too quick. Other than those, it's not really that hard. The PB's and stuckages get a bit annoying, but it's a wake up call.
9. What is your best NSV to date?
umm, what is NSV?? I will come back to this..if someone can explain what it is..
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band?
To be able to go into any shop that I want and buy and fit into what ever I want. I have full confidence in my looks and figure, and about my life (long story)...
11. What is your goal weight or size?
I think my person goal is to get to 80kgs. I am quite tall, and feel that this weight would be ok with me. It might be a little over my recommended weight, but I'm doing this for me, not the text books. I can have myself a bit of booty and curves if I so wish..
12. What band rule do you live by?
I dont really drink with meals (it only causes a PB anyway) But ruloes are made to be broken. :)
13. What band rule to you not follow as much?
The no snacking rule and the no carbonated/ soft drinks rule, ohh and the protein first rule..
14. What is your goal reward?
An overseas trip (not sure where to, or who with, but I'm doing this for me)
15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (U.S) , what are you most thankful for, post-band?
I am most thankfull for the improvements in my health and the fact that I have lost this weight relatively problem free. I am slowly regaining confidence and a little independance and realise I dont need to be pushed down into a corner, thinking I am not good enough anymore. I love how this magical little piece of .... whatever it is... had helped me to regain life again.

xx Nene

Hello

2009-11-24T09:55:00.003+10:00

I was just browsing through peoples pics on lapbandtalk.com and came accross a womans pics of her healed / healing tummy tuck.. I must say, she looks fantastic, and flat.. BUT... it has me scared shitless. It's certainly alot more invasive than the lapband installation. But also when looking at the womans pics, I noticed how petit she has become, and checked back at her old pics, and noticed that her sizing was very similar to mine. Which brings me to the new realisation that I could end up like that..I really dont picture myself ever getting slim/ skinny. I just cant imagine it. And if I do get to that point, will I be happy with myself then? Probably not..
I know that I have lost weight, and can see in my reflection that I have too. But I find that I am even more critical or my wardrobe choices now, because i want to accentuate the places where I have lost the most weight. Yet I want to hide my turkey neck wobble gobble arms. But alas, it's too hot to be wearing my little cardy's. So I just dust plenty of bronzing powder on the pale bits and hope for the best..

My weight is bouncing around on the spot again.. I am at 109.9 again.. which is a little nervy for me, as I dont want to get into the 110's again.. I really want to be down to 106kg by xmas day. But to be honest, I am not pulling out all stops to make it happen, so if it doesnt, it doesnt.. I'm just going to try to enjoy this festive time of year, and worry about it in the New Year.. Does that sound a bit wrong?? Well who gives a hoo har if it is...

Oh, as i told you, my sister is getting banded on 2nd Feb 2010.. and one of my best friends Wendy was just given her date yesterday through the same surgeon also.. she will be getting banded on 4th Feb 2010. I am really happy for both of them, as I know just how much of a life change it will give them. And the fact that they can go through it all together is wonderful too.

They are also lucky in the way that they will end up with my clothes... jeez I wish I had have had someone ahead of me to hand me down theirs.. would certainly have saved me some money.. But I'm only too happy to get that ball rolling for them.

Anyway, I must get off my ass and look busy, I'm sure there will be some drinks to fill and stock to pull forward and so forth.
Ohh and by the way.. for any of you Aussies.. have you tried the new Carb Free and Sugar Free energy drink called SYNERGY?? It's along the same lines as Red Bull and V... anyway, it's really nice and without the guilt.. Certainly kicks me up the butt and gets me moving right along.
Ok Luvlys..
xx Nene

MORE PICS

2009-11-22T17:33:00.003+10:00

Well today, being as hot as it has been, off we went to Nana's (my parents) pool. As you can see from Ayisha's pic below, she just loves her new lil bikini.. Oh how I wish to be able to pose with pride like her one day.. As you can see, I really need to buy a matching sarong for my swim suit.. BTW, this swim suit (tankini) is too big. My boobs just hang into it.. Not pretty..

Me and my girl

Me and My boy

Just to check how this vlog thing is gonna work for me, I thought I would add this to test it out.. Montel doing his flips into the pool.

Hope you all have had a great week end.

xx Nene

DAILY TEMPTATIONS (pics)

2009-11-21T09:50:00.002+10:00

From top to bottom, left to right.. Macadamia & Caramel Slice, Hedgehog Slice, Vanilla Slice then underneath is Custard Tart, Lamington and finally Caramel Slice.. usually I am not a sweet eater, but a long gaze at these sweet treats are enough to convert anybody.. These are all in the small display fridge on our counter.. staring back at me as I complete each transaction on the cash register.. Below is a full pic of the fridge that contains the slices.. as you will see above them are fresh sandwiches.. Another big temptation, because I used to love me some nice fresh bread.. White bread sandwiches are something that I wont risk at all.

Oh, here it is.. the biggest pain in my ass.. The ultimate temptation. THE PIE OVEN... On the top are Sausage Rolls, then hotdog Sausage Rolls, then the list of pies we sell are as follows..

Plain Mince, Chunky Beef, Steak Bacon & Cheese, Steak Cheese Tomato & Onion, Curried Beef, Steak & Mushroom, Steak & Kidney, Pepper Steak, Chicken & Brocolli, Chicken & Vegetable... I think you've got the idea. Not all the pies listed are this pic, as I took the pic after I had already sold some.

xx Nene

SOMETHING TO WATCH

2009-11-20T17:41:00.002+10:00

I was just browsing through youtube and came accross this womans blog. She is so beautiful and inspiring. But what I saw of her is also a little worrying.. www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR9DOEz_bDM I am nervous of this becoming of my body. This woman is stunningly gorgeous, and is so inspiring in her open and honest account of her banding.
Just thought I'd share.

xx Nene

THATS THE WAY.... I LIKE IT

2009-11-20T09:49:00.002+10:00

I really dont know whats happening lately, But I likey..My weight is coming off at a steadier rate than it ever has since being banded. I keep getting on the scales, morning, noon and night, expecting to see a gain.. But nope.. I ♥ it. If what I was having was a plataeu, it was a fricken long one, and i dont want to go through that again.
Have a look at my "Statistics"on the right side panel about half way down this page, and you will see that I have recorded alot of entries for this month.. I know I should only really stick to recording once or twice a month, but hey.. I'm on a roll. Now I am down to a 37.4kg loss, looks like my goal to have lost 40kg by xmas is in my sights.. However to be honest, i was hoping to get down to 100kg by then, but it's ok, I make the rules as far as my goal setting goes, and it suits me fine.
With Amy doing her Vlogs, she has inspired me to get a lil courage and do one of my own.. Perhaps I will do one when I hit my 40kg loss, or one for xmas.. which ever comes first.

My sister went in to meet the surgeon who did my band, and she told him about my progress.. He was extremely happy with it, and told her to tell me congrats.. but to take it easy, because he believes that the slower loss is better. Ppfftt.. He also told her that it is not good for the band if you PB more than once per week. Well, there are some weeks that I dont PB at all, the others when it happens with almost every meal that day. But I think the problem there is that instead of tucking into my next meal, I should just stick to liquids untill any inflamation has gone down.. Yeah right.. lol
Well I best get back to work/ temptation/ stinky sweaty work men wanting pies (oh and the temptation is not the stinky sweaty men, it's the pie oven.. thought I'd better clarify that)..
xx Nene

DOWN TO THE NEXT 10

2009-11-18T09:42:00.003+10:00

OK, I am now 10KG away from 100kg.. I know for some, it is still a huge amount of weight, but for me it is very exciting. I actually woke this morning to the scales telling me that i weigh 109.9kg, and I was so excited that I jumped off, got my camera and got back on, only for it to tell me that I weighed 110.3.. I was like.. WHAT THE...? So I got off again, put my camera down, and this time it told me what you see below.. I figured that was good anyway, so here you see it. Now I'm readdy for the next 10kg loss.. Cant wait :)

These pants are a sz 20, they never even came close to fitting me pre-band. Now they hang off my ass like I have had an accident in them. lol

110 KGS

Well I had a lot to write when i sat to write this blog, But I was sidetracked by one of our employees, who came to teach me how to crochet.. So I will end here and try to remember what else I had to talk about..

xx Nene

JUST A FEW PICS

2009-11-17T09:48:00.002+10:00

This is Ayisha on the right, and Nekeisha (our friends daughter) on the left.. I just had to take this pic, its soo cute. I always said when i was little that I wanted a daughter with gorgeous curly hair.. all I can say now is..BE CAREFULL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!!!
Me and my Precious Boy.. he really is a very gentle soul.

Yup, this is me and hubby..

My little princess, looks like butter wouldnt melt in her mouth. SOOO not the case.. lol

xx Nene

My Melbourne Cup Dress Pics

2009-11-12T15:28:00.003+10:00

Here are a couple of pics taken on Melbourne Cup morning.. Nov 3, 09.. O love this dress (another new one) BUT as you will notice, the yellow patterned part at the front is a little skew wiff.. which in turn makes my body look a lil odd too.. I wore this dress to work to get in the spirit of all the ladies wearing dresses for the Melbourne Cup, mine certainly wasnt as short or as flashy as many of the fashionistas out there. anyway, just thought I'd share.

Also, I have been having problems with my email account. I have now changed my email address to nenesalifu79@hotmail.com ..

xx Nene

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

2009-11-10T21:08:00.002+10:00

Hello Everyone in Blogland and beyond.. I must admit, I am kind of feeling on top of the world at the moment. For a few reasons really.. I have come across 2 very lovely ladies that are followers of my blog, and are also both banded. So a very big HELLO from me to TAMMY (the lady I met at the shopping centre, and LARA (my follower from Chatswood, NSW) .. Tammy has followed up our meeting with a lovely email to me, and gave me a little insight of her background, I look forward to a great "band sisterhood" with her. She is absolutely lovely. And then there is Lara, I received an email from Lara, explaining that she is the "mystery reader" from Chatswood, and that she hope that I dont feel like she is stalking me.. I am also very excited to have read in Lara's email that she has only just started her own blog, so when I get her blog address and permission to share it with you all, I will do so. These 2 ladies in the last couple of days have built my self esteem so much. No, I dont have a head swell because I got noticed or anything like that.. But it is so nice to know that I am somewhat of an inspiration to someone, and just may have possibly helped someone feel a little better about things in "band life"..
I really cant imagine not being open about it, but I know there are so many who hide it, and I can totally understand that too. But I do hope that my open-ness helps more than these 2 ladies.

When I ask the silent blog followers to speak up and make themselves known, its not so I get feedback (although I do enjoy to read from people) but it's to help those unconfident ones to have a voice.. (oh lordy this is kind of sounding all speechy).. But I am serious.. because for so long, I used to be one of those, to shy or nervous to put my comments in for fear of what people thought of what I had to say, and pretty much classed myself as insignificant. I am also not saying that this is how every "silent blog follower" feels.. But ín saying this, I am giving you a little history of how I once was.

I have also been told that my blog is not always easy to comment on.. I have discovered this with a few blogs, can anyone shed any light on how this happens or how to make it easier to get along with??

Ok, I am going to do the rest of my blog in point form, as I have a few short statements to make, and want to get them done quick.. (it's getting late and I'm feeling lazy)

I woke up this morning, got on the scales after my morning wee wee, and what did I see.. 111.6 k gees... WOOHOO now a total of 35kg loss.. I'm really not on target for how much I wanted to have lost, but I do have some sense of acheivement from this, and I am happy about it.
I took a leaf out of AMY's book, and put up our christmas tree this afternoon.. Yes it is early, even my son was telling me so. BUT there is a difference this christmas, I am actually feeling in the spirit, and cannot wait to put up our lights out the front yard on the week end. (more energy, feel better about get togethers, etc. etc.)
I know that I have previously blogged about "feeling down" kind of depressed and so forth, and I have noticed that it seems to be happening in the week before my period is due.. Is this PMS?? It comes on quick, and lasts about 4-5 days.. I wake in the morning, and am angry with the world, I dont want to talk to anyone, I just want to sleep the days away.. I'm going to talk to my GP about this. I dont like it at all, and I'm damn sure hubby and the kids dont either.
On the work front, there seems to be a new troublesome couple in town, and they are mostly high on some kind of drugs, and prior to the robbery, I really dont think their presence would have bothered me, I probably would have just told them to get out of the shop and dont come back.. But a few of their episodes have left me so shook lately, that I was even dry reaching and had to nervous poops.. So not good. Another thing to talk to the GP about.
Another note about the work front, and its temptations... The Pie Oven is all I should say.. I was overcome when I smelled the aroma of the new Chicken and Broccoli pie.. Now, I can not get through the whole pie, BUT I can open it up and eat it's insides.. About 6 mouthfulls of creamy chickeny goodness.. So yum, I'll have to take pics to share.. So I guess you could say I have lost my fight against the pie oven.. AGAIN..

Well my dear readers, I now have a hoarmonal headache, as I am guessing that when I wake tomorrow it will be TTOTM.. So I'm going to have me a nice hot bath and head to bed. Oh I should have put the subject of Baths in my point forms.. now that I can comfortably fit in my bath tub, I have been taking a long hot one each night.. Oh its so good. Aqua Therapy almost, but not as good as retail therapy (smiling widely)

Thanks for reading

xx Nene

CHATSWOOD NSW???

2009-11-08T08:42:00.002+10:00

I was just looking at my LIVE FEED of who visits my blog.. WHO is it from Chatswood NSW??? I think this is the most frequent reader.. but I have never received any feedback from this person.. Just curious... and for all you other blog readers.. check out my live feed, to see what I mean..
xx Nene

SUPER SHOCKED

2009-11-06T10:40:00.003+10:00

Ok, now have I got a story to tell.. a story which still leaves me a little shocked.. Yesterday I was out with my sister.. Yes, we were on our way to see the doctor about her getting the lapband.. and we decided to stop by a a few shops on the way, and pick up some kids xmas pressents that we had seen advertised in the catalogues the day before. We stoped at 2 different places, before a last minute stop at the Hypermarket at Aspley, we went there for TOYSRUS.. this shopping centre is about 20 mins drive away from where I live.
Sooo, as we were walking though ToysRUs.. Ayisha was asking for everything in sight, and getting cranky because she couldnt have it all, then when I was paying for the one thing I chose to get (a present for my nephew), she starts carrying on at the checkout, then walks over to the sliding doors, and proceeds to lock them and unlock them.. I was calling out for her to come back to where I was standing, and she just looked back, and grins defiantly, much to my embarrasment.. People everywhere in there were just staring at me, then at her, then back at me.. I was so embarrassed, that when I finally got done with my transaction, I walked over, smacked her bottom, and put her in my trolley..I heard people sniggering, and obviously making unwanted comments about it all, but I just left the store and walked out in a bad bad mood.. THEN, as I am storming out, (angry and frustrated and embarrased all in one) a lady approaches me and I begin to think that this might be another person wanting to comment on Ayisha's hair.. (Ayisha had her hair out yesterday, and it was very wild and wooly, every time it is worn in this style, I get people stopping me and wanting to touch it..lol) then she said that she wanted to stop me, as she is a reader of my blog, and recognized me and Ayisha from the pics that I post on here.. We had a little chat and I asked her name, this lady doesn't blog, but does have a band, and follows some blogs. She was a lovely person, and is looking great, I do hope to get down her end of the scale eventually. Please accept my invitation to email me with your email address so we could possibly catch up one day, if you're interested. nenesalifu@hotmail.com , Please dont think I am that rude or vague all the time.. I was in the middle of a child induced break down.. lol . I left that shopping centre feeling so shocked.. because when I check out the listing of the locations that my blog readers are from, there are people from all over the world, and to be recognized in a shopping centre, was a shock..
But to also be told that this lady reads and enjoys my blog is a good feeling, to know that in some way, it can entertain or enlighten someones day, give ideas or just to relate to..

Now to follow up with my sisters appointment.. we went to see the nurse that I saw when applying to get my band, and it was nice to talk back into that office with confidence. I also noticed that people's before and after pics hadnt been updated on the wall, so as soon as I am looking hot, I am going to send in some pics..back to my sis.. She has now been given a date to be banded on 2nd Feb 2010.. I am super excited for her. And it means that her bandiversaries will only be a few days apart from mine. The thing I am seeing in my sister (lack of confidence, energy, etc...) are all the things I used to feel. It's sad, and takes me back to the beginning of this year, and it just amazes me at how much this band has changed my life. I did however express to the nurse yesterday that I wished I had lost a little more weight than what I have lost already, and she said not to compare myself and so forth, and that I have done a great job.. Sooo with that i stopped on the way home and bought myself another sz 16 (US size 14) lil summer singlet dress..
I am beside myself with excitement that I can actually shop in the "skinny girl section/shops".. for those of you over here who are familiar with Fashion Fair.. I never in a million years dreamed that I would own any garment from that shop.. Well I am becoming a regular spender in there.. I love it.
Another exciting thing to tell you is that 2 days ago, it was hot here, and I suprised my kids by putting on my new bathing suit and jumping into the pool with them. They have never seen me do such a thing. They were very excited and asked if we could do it more often. It's just another incident that makes me realise how far I've come and how much I have missed out on.
Well girls.. that all from me today. Have yourselves a great week end.
xx Nene

TRICK OR TREAT

2009-11-01T12:52:00.004+10:00

Just thought I would share some pics of my kids dressed up for Halloween.. We have a scary bummble bee, and ummm a ... well all Montel wanted was a beard drawn on his face.. he said he was a robber.. In any case, Ayisha was the star of the show.. Most people gave her a few extra treats because she was the smallest amongst the group.. She fell asleep in a sugar frenzy.. she fought and fought, but the eyes lost the battle. Which gave me a chance to hide some of the lollies for when she woke this morning to go in search for more..

I have an appointment with my fill doctor tomorrow.. I am finding that I am really not eating enough for my weight to still be hovering and too'ing and fro'ing around 113kg..I am getting a little frustrated with it.

Also, my sister has booked in for her first appointment to meet with my surgeon, as she is planning to get a band too now.. As you can guess by now, from my mention of her in a previous post, that she didnt go so well with her latest diet attempt. I can so sympathise with her. I also have another friend who joined privat health insurance when I got banded, so her 12 month wait is almost up, for her to be able to go for the band too. IF she sticks with her plan, she will also get banded in the beginning of the new year. My sis is hoping to be done around mid Feb..

I will keep you all posted..

xx Nene

FEELING A BIT P-COCKY

2009-10-28T09:18:00.004+10:00

Hello my lovelies... I put on one of my new dress this morning and thought I would share.. Still not sure bout the peacock print, but I love the colours in it.. I have already had a few compliments, so i guess it couldnt be too bad..

xx Nene

Oh and thanks Amy and Shaggs for your comments.. xxxxx

WHAT THE?????

2009-10-26T17:16:00.002+10:00

Is my comments system not working?? Or.... none of you could be bothered letting me know your thoughts??? hmmmm..

Anyway, today i was bad and had a Spicy Wicked Wing from KFC... tasted so good and spicy going down... but ohhh lordy, it was even spicier coming back up... not fun.. However I am finding that I am finding it alot easier to get rid of any discomforts now (have a good ol PB).. I used to dread the thought of throwing up.. but now if it means it's gonna make me feel a lil more comfortable, then off I go to the bathroom or somewhere as discreet as possible... So, I have a question... What is the worst thing that you have PB'd on or has gotten stuck??

Weighed in at 113.2kg this morning..(still have that daily weighing addiction) I hope to wake to find that i am in the 112's tomorrow.. ggrrrrr quite possibly it will go up.. it's like a freakin see-saw
Anyway, drop me a line girls!!!! Even those of you who never have..introduce yourself :)

♥ Nene xx

HI ALL

2009-10-23T06:03:00.004+10:00

I am pretty sure that my goal of being down to 100kg for christmas has jumped right on out the window. In the last 10 days, I have managed to put on .2kg... Why is it, we get a lil losing streak then it just freakin stalls like a car with a flat battery..I dont believe that my restriction is all wrong. I still have the occassional PB, and if I try to eat toast or anything heavy for breakfast, it will deffinately give me some pain and a hard time.. then I dont really eat a whole lot till lunch or in between meals, and I also dont think that my portions are any bigger than my 4 year old daughters.. I know exercise would help me along, and I am paying for my membership at the gym, and not using it.. bad bad bad.. but the problem is finding the time to go.. By the time hubby gets home from work, the gym is just about closing for the day, and when he leaves for work, the gym is opening for the day. (he does long hours).. then when he gets a day off, I am working. My parents cant really look after the kids while I go, because they are working in the shop when I am not there... Aarrrgghhh... I really need to fine tune some "me time".

Is it only me or do those of you who go on lapbandtalk.com really struggle to understand why some women who are actually no even mildly overweight, get a band... I do enjoy looking at peoples progress pics, and then when I see a lovely after pic, I scroll back through and realise that there isnt a whole lot of difference from their pre-banding pic.. hmmm... I guess its not fair for me to judge, as I am only too aware of the emotional feelings of being overweight.. all I can say is IF ONLY I had their weight problem in the first place..
Right now my sister is starting on optifast diet, to try to shed some kgs.. I think she weighs about 120ish kgs, and is feeling a bit down for it.. You see I have always been bigger than her.. and since she had her baby a week before I was banded, she has been piling on the kgs.. I so understand how that is, especially after pregnancy. So busy with baby, you dont concentrate on yourself any more. Anyway, I keep telling her that I understand how hard it is, because I really do.. but she keeps mentioning the fact that I have the band so it shouldnt be hard anymore.. and then I get to thinking... Well ok, I dont have to constantly fight with a stupid non existant hunger all the time, and I dont have to eat a mack truck load of food to feel so stuffed that I might puke, BUT there certainly are a whole lot of foods that are "easier" to eat when you have a band.. the easier foods seem to be the wrong foods, and those are the times that it gets hard..
I was in an eatery yesterday and was looking for something to have for lunch... everything seemed to have PB facter written all over it, so I was bad and went to KFC and got a small chips and gravy.. Not the healthiest choice I know, but a good example.. and then I get to feeling bad that I filled my precious lil pouch on fatty nutrition-less crap.. Maybe next tiem I will pack a lunch when going to that place.
Bought another dress yesterday.. I am so loving spring and these maxi dresses.. at least this one being the stlye that it is, it should fit me as I shrink through the next few sizes. When ever that will be.
And as I sit and think about my goal for christmas, I make myself feel better by realising that this isnt a race.. It is about me feeling better about myself and getting healtheir (oh and looking good in clothes, lol)... I know I'll get there, when? who knows... but as long as I stay focused, but also let myself enjoy life too.. I will succeed.
xx Nene

COMPARISON PICS

2009-10-15T06:35:00.003+10:00

I was just flicking though some old pics on a memory stick, and found some that I have never posted.. these pics were taken about a year or 2 before I was banded, and wasn't quite at the heaviest that I got to.. So what I am trying to say is that i got bigger than these pics.. My face looks like a balloon...
I was going to a Store of the Year Ball.. I cant believe I actually thought I looked OK.. I do recall that I weighed 132kg in this pic.. So I had actually gained another 14kg before being banded..

I guess my body is going through the whole "slightly shrinking stage" again. I seem to be getting a lot more compliments lately.. It feels good. I also notice that I am being looked at in a whole different way too.. LOL.. which is really strange to me. But I'll take it and run with it.

I've got today off work, and am thinking that I just may go and do some retail therapy. God knows I need it.. Men... is all I will say... they drive you to need some kind of freakin therapy..point made. However I will say that since losing weight, am kind of getting the confidence to push the bullshit aside and not sweat the rubbish thrown at me. Karma's a bitch.

Have a good day girls.

xx Nene

My wish came true overnight..

2009-10-13T12:03:00.001+10:00

113.5 this morning... woohoo

RETAIL THERAPY

2009-10-12T11:09:00.002+10:00

I went shopping this morning.. it started out as a boredom buster trip.. ended up being a fantastically sucessfull shopping trip.. Usually if I go out and find something I love, I cant afford it, or cant find it in my size.. However, not today, no siree. I walked into BIG W and spotted a dress... a maxi dress.. strappy, flowing... etc etc.. problem was.. it was in the section of "normal sizes".. I scrolled through the sizes on the hangers and came across the largest in the "normal size" range.. a 16.. So I pulled it off the rack and sized it up against me.. and it seemed as though it would fit.. So off I head in the direction of the fitting rooms, and pass by a rack of other tops.. Hmmm nice, I'll take one in each pattern. So I get my goodies to the dressing room, and nervously pull the dress off the hanger and over my head.. and ohh lordy.. I was shocked.. it fit me, it didnt cling, and I didnt look like a lumpy sausage in it.. this ones MINE.. and a huge price difference from alot of the UGLY plus sized dresses.. this was only $39.. the two tops I got were only $15 each, ohhh and then if that wasnt enough already, of I toddle to Best & Less and pick up a pair of... wait for it... Sz 18 shiny black tights.(leggings)... still dont know if they are my thing or not, but at only $10 (half price), I was taking them and runnin'. Then on the way home from that shopping centre, I remembered some little shrug tops at another place closer to home, so full of confidence that I would find something to fit, I pulled in there, and fossicked through the racks and found a what I was after... sz xl in a shop that caters for near infant sizing.. sz 6.. lol..I bought one in a burnt orange and another in a teal green.. V nice.. they were only $10 each too..
You will see the pics below of me in my new dress and lil orange shrug top thingy..

Lastnight when I was taking some towels out of the washing maching, I felt one of my rings slip off and on to the floor. So it is with great sadness that I will have to cease wearing them before I really lose them. I would be gutted.

I weighed myself again this morning.. (becoming a serious addiction, I think) it said 114.1.. I so hope I wake in the morning and it say 113.... something..But then as I type this, I am sitting here eating clinkers chocolate.. So bad. But back to my obsessive weighing.. I really gotta break the habbit.. I weigh myself as soon as I've had my morning pee, then after breakfast, then maybe if I have a bowel movement, I will check to see if it took some of my weight with it.. then again before bed... and I just cant believe how much our weight fluctuates all damn day long. I really need to just weigh myself once a week. Then I wont be a rollercoaster of emotions about it.

Oh well, I best be getting ready for work.. I just might wear my new dress there today..
xx Nene

SIZE 16 DRESS!!!!!

2009-10-12T11:06:00.002+10:00

I dont have that natural posing ability.. lol
Size 16, let me just say it again... a size freakin 16!!!!

RANDOM CHATTER

2009-10-09T15:37:00.004+10:00

OK, I have been slack, and not been posting again.. I'm actually kind of over the whole blogging thing at the moment.. I guess I am just a lil too busy with work, kids and other things at the moment. Ayisha has been sick once again.. Raising children, certainly isnt glamorous.. (lil germ magnets) I was sitting at the computer lastnight, helping my cousin with his grade 12 assignment, and Ayisha came up to me and said "Mummy, I feel like I'm gonna be bbbrrruuuuggggghhhhhhhh.. ." all over me... and it was more like a fire hydrant force than a lazy flowing throw up.. YUK.. TMI...then from then on, almost every hour, on the hour, she spent the whole night with her face in the bowl (not the toilet bowl, but her own lil sick bowl)... So I had a crap night sleep, and feel shit for it today..

My weight loss is very slow... I weighed in at 114.5kg yesterday... seems I have been see-sawing on the scales, and I am so freakin sick of it.. But deep down, I know that I have myself to blame.. If I can just stop fingering the damn peanut butter jar at every spare hidden moment.. some old habbits never die..and this one pretty much had up untill I had my tooth taken out over a week ago. I was scooping fingerfulls of peanutty goodness into my mouth because I couldnt really eat much in the beginning.. and now the habit is back. Fan farkin tastic... not.

Got my new car.. I love it lots.. for those of you on my facebook, you might have seen it already, for everyone else. I will post a proud pic for you.

Back to the weight issue.. Why is it that if my weight plataues, do I feel like a big ol' swamp donkey all over again?? I really thought that getting my tooth out would have help me lose some more kgs... but as someone said to me... You need to actually eat enough to lose weight too.. Whatever the case may be.. at least it's coming off, and not creeping on.. an so there might be some super amazing eople that begin like me at a mammoth weight, and get to goal within a year, I just have to accept that if I still want to live comfortably and not obsess about every single sip or bite I take, it's just gonna take me a little longer to acheive my goal. And... speaking of goals.. I know that my "ideal" body weight is probably quite a bit less than my "goal" weight.. But I am just aiming to look good in my skin, and I really dont want to go for tummy tucks etc, so I will do the best I can with what I can.. if that makes sense.. and if it means that I end up at 10 or so kgs over my "ideal" body weight, to avoid the "sag", then thats ok by me.

Had a real bad PB the other day.. but I'm getting used to the fact that its just a part of my life now.. lol... a gentle but painfull reminder that whispers to my mind "Put that food down , lard ass, coz it aint doing you any favours".

Thats all from me, till next time..
xx Nene

I'M EXCITED

2009-10-02T17:14:00.003+10:00

Just to keep you informed.. I am getting my new car tomorrow.. Well it isnt exactly brand new, but it is new for me.. It was confirmed yesterday that I will be getting it, however, I have to wait till tomorrow to go and pick it up. I really could have gone over after work this afternoon, BUT I dont want to spend the first hours of ownership sitting in heavy traffic. So after work at 12noon tomorrow, I will go and get it.. I wil say this car is gorgeous and stands out a mile.. It is bright in colour.. But will keep the details till I can take some pics for you all to see tomorrow.. I'm now thinking that if I cant afford to go to Malaysia for my 12 month bandiversary.. I just might get me some personalized number plates instead..
Have a good week end everyone..
xx Nene

HELLO LADIES

2009-10-02T10:21:00.002+10:00

Took this pic this morning before coming to work..I noticed that I am now getting a more defined chin.. just thought I'd share

xx Nene

New Realizations.

2009-09-29T11:03:00.003+10:00

Well in the last few days I have dicovered with happiness a couple of things.. #1 being that when I revceived my dress from www.swakdesigns.com a sz 2xl, it is in fact too big.. I will however make do with it, as I just LUV LUV LUV it... I want to order the teal coloured one, but am thinking that the 1xl will be too big too... Hmm, what to do, what to do??? I'm not real familiar with the sizing between here and the US...

#2.. I can fit in my bath tub... I mean actually lay back and enjoy a good old theraputic soak.. I havent been able to do that for years. (mine is not one of those fancy big bath tubs either).. I have always in the past headed straight for a nice hot bath when I have had a headache, menstral cramps, cold/flu, or any sickness or stress at all.. I find that the water is so theraputic, and now that I am able to do it again, it is wonderful.. I had 3 hot baths in a day because I had my tooth pulled out, and just felt like crapola.. so a dip in the bath was all it took to prep me up for a bit..

I am finding that with this 2ml restriction, I am extremely tight in the morning, I really cant have a whole lot more than a cup of tea and a few mouthfulls of porridge. Where as later in the day, I am able to eat a meal (restricted size of course) without any problems.. So this is fine with me.. I have lost 1kg since getting my refill last monday, I just hope that this is on the downward slope again, and doesnt float back up like it has been doing for the last few weeks. Soo this morning I weighed 115.2kg.. lets just see what tomorrow brings..

As mentioned before, I had a tooth taken out yesterday, Oh how I hate the dentist.. But it was neccesarry for the sake of my eating (chew chew chew) but it seems, as soon as I know that I CANT eat, that is when I want EVERYTHING i can get down my throat and through my band... So I went and got a paddle pop ice cream.. Remember, I cant really eat breakfast, and had my tooth extracted at 10:45am. So by the time I got home it was close to lunch time, and as numb as I was, I was ready to tackle a big beefy burger.. lol.. but a paddle pop it was..then I had to come to work, still semi numb, but as time went on, the numbness wore off and I was struck down with some throbbing pain.. And it seemed that every fricken customer thought it would be a good day to have a long drawn out conversation.. Grrr...I ended up politely excusing myself explaining I had had a tooth out.. I sipped on slush puppys for the rest of the afternoon shift, which I found were pleasantly filling too..

Oh, and on Saturday when I finished work, hubby, the kids and myself went over to the southside (Yeronga) and went to an African Cultural Festival.. It was nice and very loud.. But after standing for a few hours in the hot sun, I had had enough and it was time to come home.. But whilst there I had some of the best belly laughs that I have had in a long time.. Montel and I were watching the " aussies/whites" trying to immitate the african lady's dance moves (onstage), we could barely catch our breath at some of the funny moves that people were pulling.. But it was good to see that everyone was having a great time.. I wish I had the confidence to have done that....
Well i best be ending here, the shop is getting a little busy... bloody pie hunters...
xx Nene

PB??? ANYONE EVER FELT LIKE THIS???

2009-09-29T10:52:00.004+10:00

The look on this cute kittys face says it all, even though it seems that he has just had a huge feed, I tend to feel like and look like this (the eyes) after a PB.. This pic was sent to me in facebook by Shaggs, I just had to share it with you all... soo cute.
xx Nene